Now if there's one thing that I don't enjoy being around, it's Drea. She's got this extremely preppy attitude that you just get annoyed by. It's not that I don't like her, it's just her attitude that I get fed up by, but Ryan wanted me to pick her up for him, and that's what I get for having a friend whose a smooth talker to every girl he sees.
Ryan most likely is doing to try and get Carry jealous, but it's not going to work, obviously. "I don't know what type of game your pulling Ryan, but it's not going to work," Carry's face and eyes said so agitatedly.
Well, some other useful piece of information you might need to know is that the Road is what you think it might be, an extremely long road with a bunch of parking space and stores, where kids or adults would go shopping, eating or watch a movie, etc. Anything that you can possibly think of was on the Road, from video arcades to strip joints, or gentleman's clubs.
As we drove down the road with the street filled with about hundreds of cars leaving to parties or home, where ever most people now-a-days go to after their down with shopping, etc. I was wondering where that girl was; I wouldn't doubt that she was at some bar getting drunk before she comes over to have sex with Ryan as she normally does.
"So where is she, Ryan," Carry asked impatiently after ten minutes of driving around constantly.
I heard his phone vibrate gently in his left. A slight pause was before Ryan's answer. "She said she's going to meet us at the movies."
I sighed. "Fine." I drove off the highway onto a back road that leads to the only movie theater in town. Does she always do this? Of course, it's Drea, what do you expect, that in every single novel you read there's always a perfect world. No, obviously not.
I was pretty angry that Drea moved locations and made me waste gas. After all she wasn't the one paying for it. Well, anyway, I just wanted to have a good time tonight. I didn't want argue with anyone right now. I needed something to calm down my nerves from earlier. Everything was getting to the point where I was getting more, and more upset with things. I believe it was the reason because they were always wanting me to do things for them constantly, but for the last few months, I have not talked to anyone other than Carry and Ryan, so I could not understand why that might be the reason.
Kids were already getting on the edges of the streets for the Midnight Races, and that's something I didn't want to get caught up in, because I don't have the money, and I don't want to die horribly. It was a shame to see a bunch of unsuspecting kids to lose their lives and money in an unfortunate accident. It's funny really, because I always know whose going to die; when and where, and how. I find it a useful skill to give the people a warning ahead of the race, but, of course, they won't listen to me for several reasons. The first is because I'm Timmy Carter, outcast, the 'nobody' in the shit hole. The second reason is well because they just don't like me, but it's all good because karma takes vengeance on the sevenfold.
I hurried along the edge of the street to avoid traffic, along the shoulder only to find myself caught up behind a truck whose driver was hitting on some hookers to try and get some action. I swerved around him, making Carry bump into me, and causing Ryan to jump to the other side of the car.
"Would it kill you to be careful," Carry asked in an annoyed voice by my aggressive driving, but she knew I was upset and was attempting to keep her cool.
"No, I'm just trying to get some excitement going on." I replied this most sinisterly than I implied to. I got shivers along the edge of my spinal cord.
"Well, warn us next time," Ryan said from the back seat.
"Yeah, would you?" Carry this time.
"Sure, I'll try my best." It was my turn to speak.
I drove into the parking lot of the movie theater not to long later. To my surprise, it wasn't full as I expected. There was about one quarter of the lot filled out. I found this to be good, because I don't like when there's so many people at the theater. They never know when to scream in horror films as if every single door opening will release the cheap pop-up that comes out to attempt to give you a decent scare, but fails to do so, unless you are weak of mind, then in that case, you're going to have the best damn scare Hollywood has to offer since the 1980's. Yeah, I believe you are aware of what I'm explaining. I'm pretty sure that it's occurred to you at least once or twice in your life.
It must been almost midnight for there to be no kids, and/or people here, because the drag races were about to start in a few minutes. I didn't mind it really. I've been in a few of the races before, and won some money, but after the accident with my father, I never really found myself that out going as I normally was. People I used to be friends with some of the drag racers, but now I don't even talk to them anymore.
"You ok, Timmy?" Carry asked with a voice of concern.
"Yeah, man, are you alright," Ryan asked. "You haven't been yourself ever since we left the house."
"I'm ok," I replied, hoping to give the illusion that I was ok, and that everything was alright. "I was just in my own world just now."
"Oh, ok," Carry replied, disappointingly. I know why she was disappointed too. She wanted me to be more open and out going again. Carry didn't want me to be all confined in myself, and bottle up my emotions like I normally did, and then take it out of someone, especially her. I didn't mean to do it, honestly, but it's just sometimes I can't control what I do.
I looked at her and grinned slightly. "I'm ok, honestly."
"You better be," Carry smiled softly. "Because tonight is when we all are going to have fun and enjoy ourselves." She threw her arms around me. I knew Ryan was watching carefully, but I didn't really care at that moment.
"Yeah, man, I'll buy some drinks," Ryan said placing his hand on my shoulder.
"I'll even drink to have fun and keep you happy," Carry's cheek was right next to mine. It was warm and smooth; something that I haven't felt in a long time.
I pulled up in an empty parking spot. "Thanks guys, but you don't have to drink, Carry." I didn't like her drinking. It made me feel bad that I drank occasionally right in front of her and she had to join in so she wouldn't be a buzz kill. I've told her countless of times that she didn't have to drink. Ryan would encourage her not to drink, but she didn't listen to us. "Now where's Drea?" I asked as we exited my car.
"She's inside waiting for us," Ryan replied, checking his phone, and replying a text. "Oh, wait here she comes."
Drea was coming alright. She stepped out of the movie theater and stood in front us with a sly grin on her face, that I was only able catch. With her long brown hair, and blue eyes, she cast a spell on most people that are just too ignorant to realize who she really; an inconsiderate bitch. Her figure was probably the only honest thing about herself; slender with a slight curve, that looked she was slightly starved, but then again, I feel no pity for her, because I once over heard her that she was making herself throw-up her lunches and dinners for some modeling gig downtown.
"Carry…Ryan," Drea exclaimed happily. She took the liberty of hugging them, getting returned by an embrace as well. She looked at me and smiled. "Timmy, you're here as well; what a decent surprise." Drea looked happy to see me. "I'm glad you're not at home all alone."
"Yeah, I decided to come outside for a change," I replied, politely enough.
"Cool, so what are we going to watch tonight, Ryan?"
Ryan, who was drooling all over Drea, answered after snapping of the trance. "Well, I was hoping to see something on the spot."
I wasn't too thrilled hearing that. Ryan didn't seem like he knew what he was doing. Of course, I wasn't going to just tell him in front of his crush, because that would've been "rude" as my mother had once pointed out a long time ago. Even though, I hated Drea's guts, I had to control myself because Ryan was most likely trying to get with her and Carry wasn't going to be too excited if Ryan was all over her again.
As we walked down the cooled hall of the movie theater, the voice of people excited to see certain movies that were in the main-stream at the time. It always fascinated me how everyone could just follow everyone else instead of being themselves and doing their own thing. Ah, well, I shouldn't really be worrying about what everyone else does.
Carry was trying to get me away from Ryan and Drea, because, from what I can see, they were about to start their flirting routine which lead into Ryan ditching us, and going off with Drea to some alley for some cheap sex; and as I've mentioned before, I'm not going to point it out just (as straight forth as possible) I'm not a dick.
As we walked into the theater, just moments after choosing some cheese chick-flick movie, I took the liberty of finding a seat to myself around the middle section of the seating-area. If I was going to watch a movie about some romantic getaway on a boat, I wanted to be alone because I don't hate the sound of girls 'awing' all the time.
"Mind if I join you," Carry said, sitting down next to me before I could have gave my response, which, of course, would've been no. She had a little drink in her hand and popcorn. Carry was the kind of person that didn't give up that easily, which was pretty good…in certain situations.
As the movie started, the lights began to dim down, and Carry sat snug against me. I didn't mind it really; mainly because she was my friend, but the only thing that bugged me was that she liked me, a lot from what I can tell. "Popcorn?" Carry offered holding up a little piece of popcorn.
"Sure," I replied with a grin, trying not to seem too annoyed by her.
"Well, open up," Carry grinned beautifully.
I opened my mouth slightly to receive the popcorn piece, but knowing Carry, she always had some sort of joke in mind, so I observed quickly on the piece, seeing if she didn't put anything on it. Well, it was in my mouth before I can spot anything.
"Thank you," I replied, happily. You know what; maybe hanging with her isn't so bad. Wait, what I am saying…never mind…
"You're welcome, Sweetheart," Carry is a sweet girl; in fact, I think too sweet towards me. I had nothing against her really. I just didn't really feel the same way she felt towards me. "So what's this movie called?" Her voice was soft as she leaned on my arm.
Her hair felt soft against my skin. The warmth of her presence and affection towards me was indeed an interesting and most intriguing feeling. I've never really felt this, how do you say it, safe with someone.
"I believe it's called…Days in the Scene," I replied, allowing Carry to adjust on my arm, until she felt comfortable. I didn't mind it really. I used to let all of my friends that were girls rest on my shoulder, but that was such a long time ago. It felt really weird having a girl on my shoulder again. It was relaxing at that, almost blissful.
"Oh, what's it about?"
"Who knows, Carry; there's only one way to find out."
As we sat there, waiting for the movie to start, I felt there was a tension between Carry and I, but I wasn't sure what it was exactly. I felt her against me, so majestically sweet. "Timmy, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, go ahead and ask," I replied, relaxingly.
"What do you think about me?" This was a question she asked frequently with me. I'm not sure why she was so persistent with trying to get me to like her so much. Of course, I liked her, but not as a girlfriend. Maybe later on as I begin to get over the loss of my father; things are too complicated for me at the moment.
"You should know," I replied softly and respectfully, hopefully not sounding harsh on the reply. "I tell you all the time." I chuckled slightly.
"I know, but I know you're holding something inside, something that you don't want to tell me. Sweetheart, I know you don't want to date me, but I know you like me a lot." Her voice was soft and sweet, like honey on a summer's Saturday morning when you spread it on a honey wheat toast right before you add the jelly. It was a pleasant delight hearing the way she said that, so water like to the ear.
That took me off guard. I can honestly say I wasn't expecting that. "I don't know what to say."
"Timmy, you don't have to say anything. I know what you're going through. You see, Hon', I've been through my own set of trouble too. You're not alone in this situation."
I had completely forgotten about what had happened to Carry, but I didn't realize it. If you're curious about what happened to Carry, I will explain to you, though the memory is vague in the back of my mind. I couldn't help but feel that it was all my fault because I had promised Carry, since we were kids, that I'd protect her from whatever harm came, and I let something terrible happen.
There were several signs that it was happening to her, but I refused to listen. The situation must have taken many years till I snapped out of my trance and I was forced to do something that I hated to do. Something that was terrible in many ways.
I recall the day she came running to my house, through the back roads that connected my neighborhood from mine. She came when I was outside playing some catch with my little brother, who was taken away from us, but that's another story to be told at a later date.
Carry ran into my backyard and threw her arms around me, he eyes filled of sorrow and agony. Her sobs were a horrible sound to take in, especially from Carry, who I considered more than a friend at the time. I didn't understand why she was crying so much; it was just a complete shock to me.
I brought her into the house, in arms up to my room. I held her close as she sobbed franticly. I remember her eyes being a blood shot, dulled out baby green color. I've never seen them like that. I may add that it was such a horrific sight, seeing one of your close friends suffering like that. The sight was almost scaring, if there is a way to describe it simply.
"I can't take this anymore." That is the line I heard Carry cry several times from those cut up lips. "I can't take this anymore, Timmy. I can't let him touch me like that again." Need I inform you, that she did not imply that in a sexual way, though for some reason there is a sense of doubt when it comes to that part of the subject, but what she was trying to say is her father abuses her. "He's gone to far this time," Clawing into my chest, with her long nails that were paint a red.
"Well, what did you expect, Sweetheart," I replied, rubbing her back, trying to sooth her. "You and I both knew that it would get worse. I'm just sorry that I wasn't there to stop it."
"It's OK." Carry stuttered, but I knew that it wasn't OK. How could I let this happen? "You were busy; what could you've done." I knew her father did that to her, but to the point of bleeding and bruising all over the body, this was too intense. I wasn't sure what to do. What can I do? The deed has already been done.
"Carry, I'm so sorry I couldn't be there." I felt an eating sensation deep inside the depths of my stomach; a horrible carving agony that bore through the edges of my stomach. I believe it to be guilt now, but for all I know I just felt bad, as you can see.
"What could've you done? You were all the way over here," Carry replied, holding the tears, which ate at her eyes, away.
The urge for revenge was in the atmosphere. Deep bubbling sensations boiled at the bottom of the pit of my stomach; this rage began eating at the top of the back of my head; like a headache that would never seize to stop the torment of a consecutive amount of time.
I burst out the door as Carry whipped her tears. I was sick of his foul games, sick of all the shit that he's put Carry through. "Timmy," Carry's voice cried out from behind me, but I ignored it.
I was so determined to teach Carry's father a lesson that I had forgotten about everything; who he was to begin with, what he can do, what he was capable of doing; everything went black around the goal of teaching that man a lesson for hurting Carry.
I ran through the backyard of my house, past the gate that led to the small alley way that connected Carry's neighborhood from mine…
"Timmy," Carry's voice said from my left ear. She had been trying to get my attention ever since I drifted into flashback. Of course, her expression wondered if I had been paying attention. Honestly I completely had drifted off, so I can't really back up anything or recall what she was talking about. "Where you listening to me," she questioned in concern. "Because it looked like you completely spaced out on me."
"I'm sorry, Carry," I just couldn't help, but drift off, it happens all the time."
"Yeah, I know. I'm surprised that you haven't crashed when you were driving home from school."
"I hear you on that, but I don't know why it happens. It's been happening a lot more frequently, as I started separating from people."
"Why is that, if you don't mind me asking?"
I didn't answer. I remained in silence and Carry gave me the "Oh, I understand." look, but I know I had to answer the question, because she needed an answer. Everyone deserves answers weather the response in good or bad.
The movie had ended later on, and as usual, Ryan and that other…girl…went off for some alone time, and have some "fun" as most kids were calling the act of having sex with each other.
Well, getting back on track, I was in the car with Carry, as we are normally, because we always end up in this situation of thick atmosphere and oppression. Sometimes I really wish we can go back to the old times where Carry and I were running through the alley ways trying to stay out of trouble, though we'd be stealing people's fruit from their trees.
"Carry, when I lost my father there wasn't much I can do about it." I said to break the uncomfortable silence that was filled by the mild clicks of the cell phone in Carry's hands. "Many times I wish that I had not do what I done to your father; we wouldn't be in the situation we're in if it wasn't for me."
"Sweetheart, please understand that you did nothing wrong." Carry replied setting her phone down, which is rather rare for her to do, because she's addicted to that thing. I never really understood why girls were always so into their cell phones, as if they were obsessed with them. No, that's a bit under exaggerated; it was like the cell phone was part of them. Yeah, that seems appropriate for the subject.
"Why, Carry, how?" I raised my voice over the inner pain building up. I didn't intend on the action I just did, but what could I do. "If it wasn't for me getting so easily upset over what your father did to you, my father would've been alive. It's my entire fault." Tears ran down my cheeks in steady streams of clear liquid that gleamed in the light post's dim lighting.
"Timmy," Carry looked at me suddenly, in shock with the drastic shade of worrisome expressions on her beautiful face. "Calm down, Hon', you need to calm down. I don't want you getting mad over something that happened several years ago." Her arms were around me in the next seconds elapse.
The softened embrace of comfort that held me so soothingly and filled me with a sense of living was once in my reach once again. I didn't realize how "cold" I have become towards everything that I had forgotten what it was like to feel. Everything was so cold, the light, gentle drizzle of icy rain that came from the clouds of dim grey above, crawled up my spine for the last six years, eight months, and fourteen days, that cold was all I knew how to feel; what I learned to feel.
Carry's embrace did not loosen as I sat there in shock. The sweat ran down the side of my temple and forehead along with those tears that have swelled so much in my eyes. The streams kept pouring out as the night drifted on. After so long, she still cared for me, and I've done nothing, but neglect her, and treat her as if she meant nothing to me, like any other object that was just lying around when I strolled on by.