The days gave no sense of relief over the next few days, because of the constant rain that let down on the neighborhood residences' houses. The clouds that hung over head grey as an ever, casting sorrowful establishments on my body's well-being. This wasn't common in Winchester's Peak. Our rain patterns consisted of small showers that last ten minutes each, but this storm was different; it has been letting off rain for at least an hour and a half, by now, and it shows yet to let up from pouring down.
I watched all of this from the safety of my room, in the low lighting of the day's cloud cover, too lazy and slow to turn on the lights, or even attempt to open the curtains, just view through the small opening that was now shining most of the light that filled my room. The essence in the room was so relaxing; you could say I could actually take a breath without worrying about anything. You know, sometimes I wonder when I will get over my father's death. I know that it wasn't my fault, but for some reason I still blame myself for what happened. If I hadn't gone and fought Carry's dad, he might have still been alive, and would be telling me how proud he was that I was finally going to make it in the music industry and how good, he'd say, my music was, and that I was a really good composer, but those days are over, and I had to face reality and accept the fact that he will never come back, and drive up the drive-way then come up the stairs, hugging me as I'd run up to his arms as he begins to tell me that everything is ok.
I stood up, and walked up to the window, pulling open the shady red-green pattern curtains. The sun light fell in slightly, but yet it didn't do much more than give another ray of light into my room. Nothing seemed more relaxing than the silence of the warm steps of my feet that glided gently upon my carpet. The breeze that caused the tree branch to tap in a rhythm filled with a harmonious tone, and the leaves that still are around the place of the apartment complex were now blowing in the wind with no restraint and no sign of letting up from flying away from this place. There was no worry in this brief moment that will soon be broke every so often by the passing cars down in the road below.
"Timmy," a knock from the other side of the door interrupted my thoughts. "Are you going to go out today?" It was my mother, who was probably just out of the shower in her bathrobe with a toothbrush in her mouth, because she always was a rushed person, and needed to get to her first job at the beginning of seven o' clock.
"Yeah, I am," I replied, softly, just loud enough to let her know that I was alive. "I'm going to call Carry, and Ryan to see what they're going to do today." I honestly didn't want to be in the house at the moment. I just wanted to go outside and be there, alone as I'd normally do throughout my weekend, and smoke a cigarette with the least amount of thought on my problems. Actually, I cigarette would be nice at the moment, but knowing me, I was fresh out of those relaxing cancer sticks, and I'm not going to have enough money to go buy another pack, due to the compelling prices of gasoline.
I continued thinking about one thing that's been on my mind for the last few days. I remember telling my father that I wanted to leave to college and never come back, because there is no opportunity in this city and that I didn't want to be bugged by any more of the bullies that would get to me. I remember telling him that I was going to become my own man, and do things that no one would have ever expected me to do. I'd leave, and always be independent, not missing anyone. There'd be just myself and no one else that would accompany me. Now when I think about it, I realize how much I miss my father. How I miss him getting after me when he'd catch me digging holes in the back yard, or how I'd be always climbing trees and he'd then shout at me for me to get down then I'd get smacked in the back of the head and called an idiot.
I remember a friend telling me how parents would miss us when we'd go off to college and how they'd miss us making them upset, just to let them know that we still existed. I find it extremely ironic and I guess you can say that it was pretty sad, almost depressing, and that my father wouldn't be missing me when I go to college. How his life could have ended so early? You know I mean that how could he just be gone...just like that. It's so strange experiencing this slight suffering that now plagues me for what seems like the rest of my life. Obviously, there is no reason to whine about it, but I'll admit, that I miss my father. I miss him more than you can possibly imagine. I miss his arms around me. I miss his eyes that were filled with knowledge, and I missed the way we'd always be just talking about life and all these other things that a father and son discuss together.
Now when I think about it, as I type in the number of one my closest friends, I remember seeing his face. I remember seeing the bliss all upon his eyes that shined with every day. "Carry, its Timmy." I stated this when she answered in the next few rings of the cell phone. "Are you doing anything today, or are you going to get busy later on tonight?"
"Timmy, it's seven in the morning. Can't you wait until I at least get up?" Her voice was soft and somewhat tired, but then again, when I come to think of it, Carry was always tired, because she was always working to save up for college. "You know I'm up for hanging out, but let me wake up, or just come over. I think my mom is up; she'll let you in."
"Alright," I didn't want to go this early, but I didn't see anything wrong with it, so I guess I'll just get dressed and then head out. "I'll see you later. Do you have anything in mind for today?" I honestly did not have any idea for the plans of the day. Of course, normally I'd do it ahead of time, and then I'd go with the agenda, but lately I'd been beginning to procrastinate more and more as the days were playing out.
I walked to a pile of my clothes that had just been folded by my mother not long ago most likely yesterday. I noticed how perfectly aligned the lines were with each other, how they were neatly straight along the background which fell to be crooked. I always loved how the perfection of these things was, yet they were extremely simple to do. I loved how soft the clothes were as they brushed against my skin, so soft, blissful at that. It gave me a sense of comfort that someone at least cared. Personally, I don't know where I'm getting all of this from. I assume I was just missing my father, but in this case, my mother.
I was walking down the small alley way that connected my neighborhood from Carry, and it was rather worn out now; Ever since the shooting, no one has really come down this road, expect me. I'm probably the only one that still remembers it. I assumed it was because of the dark past it held. Several people did die on that day. Many of them were innocent, and other deserved to die, on a person's perception on the deceased. I remember how it the grass used to grow over the next few turns that snaked to the opening to Carry's neighborhood, which wasn't so bad. It was a nice look street of assorted house where everyone knew everyone, and if there was a problem, they would merely talk it over and find a solution; unlike mine where all they resorted to violence, which always ended with an occasional death.
I was walking into the driveway when a red car pulled up into in behind me. I turned to see who it was, passing the trees as I went along with the walk. It was a red car, I don't really recall the make, but it was rather new, maybe a year of age. I was completely calm with the car driving up in the driveway, but then I realized who it was, her brother. I wasn't scared of him, if that's where you're going at, but the fact that he hates me for beating his father down was one thing, but hanging out with his sister was another. I know that I really don't find Carry attractive like that, but knowing him, he was over protective just because I say "Hi" to the girl.
He stepped out of the vehicle not to long after that thought. I was there looking at him as he walked out. Carry's brother, who was named Jay, was a muscular person who wore leather jackets with a "W" on the back. His jeans were too tight, tighter than I'd ever wear them, and mine were tight. Jay's boots were wrapped with a chain, and were pitch black. What I didn't understand is why he had to have his long red hair brushed back, and greased up. Personally, I found it unsanitary, which it was, and absolutely disgusting. Jay always had his eyes hidden behind dark tinted sunglasses that he wore even indoors at all times.
I turned and walked towards the door. I knew it wasn't such a good idea in the first place, because Jay was going to try to start problem, but judging that it's like eight in the morning, I really doubt that he might, because he just got back from work.
"Morning, Timothy," Jay said randomly as he passed me and opened the door with his keys. "Is there anything my family could do for you so early in the morning?" He's voice was sarcastic. I assumed it was because I talked like that occasionally. I don't always begin just to speak in a formal matter unless it was required to.
"I came to see Carry," I replied, trying to avoid starting anything, because if there's one thing that I know, is that Jay was very short tempered and it gets extremely annoying when he just suddenly decides to just start throwing fists. Of course, I was trained very well in all kinds of self-defense, but I wasn't going to beat him down on his own property. "I've already called her, letting her know that I was on my way."
"Well, isn't that fine and dandy," Jay said with a spark in his voice. "You think you can always do what you want, don't you Carter? Think that you can just come on over whenever you want?" Jay's voice was firm and to the point, an obvious sense of rage was building up in many of the ways that was damn right, excuse my French, bullshit.
"Well, the obvious answer is no," I shot back him with my sense of sarcasm, but more well thought out. "Even if the answer was 'yes' I wouldn't be having this conversation with you. I'd be upstairs eating your left-over food." Obviously I was trying to enrage him, but I believed that I should stop, so I did.
"Well, aren't you a smart ass," Jay chuckled. "Just walk up to my sister's room before I change my mind, and kick your ass, you smart ass prick." I was aware of this. It was a common experience that happened every time that I came over to Carry's house.
"Well said." I walked passed him and into Carry's house.
It was when I was half way up the stairs that I just stopped. There was a flash, a great flash on absolute magnitude. It was white and large....
I was walking down the hallway. It was so dim. The lights were off, and the moon shined through the curtains of the window, which illuminated the floor with a speck of whitish blue. It was a soothing spectrum of existence that made me wonder how could something so beautiful, be feared by most people that were not adjusted to the simplicity of the dark, but I assume that that was the answer to my question. They just weren't adjusted.
There was a silence unlike anything that I hadn't experienced. The light footsteps that fell onto the floor when I walked so softly along the walls wallpaper, attempting to stay quiet as I go. The small lights that covered the hallway were all out of life, as they were all off with broken bulbs. The carpet on the floor didn't help the silence feel any more comfortable with its small shades of black and grey.
As I walked on there were screams that were heard, shouts of agony screaming. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you killing everyone that you once loved? Talk to me, God damn it!" The voice was of a female, and it was shockingly stunning that it rang so familiar, so sinisterly familiar that it was frightening.
I turned to where the door stood shut, from where the screams were crying out from. I looked at it, just gazed and wondered what was going on. The sweat, cold, and warm, trickled down my spine like a river during the middle of December. I wondered why this sensation was bugging me deep inside. It was eating at me, like a boiling sensation, sparking at the pits of my stomach. The sensation worked its way up to my throat, making me nauseous as I go. I heard the screams, shouting and tossing was on the other side of the black door. I was reluctant to go in, but I knew I had to, so without any more hesitation, I rushed into the door.
What I saw was something that I was hoping that I wouldn't even have the audacity of viewing. I saw a man that was there, he was about my height and body figure. He wore completely black, and his face was half covered by some red cloths that was ragged, and ruined at the edges. On the floor there was a girl that had red hair, her face was all bruised up and cut. Her eyes were covered with the tears that she'd been flowing. The smell of sweat and blood were in the air. The stench caught me off guard, like a bat being swung at you, but you still had time to get out of the way right before it struck you.
That's when I realized that the girl was Carry. I was in absolute shock and fear ran up my spine. It felt as if I'd walked right into a horror movie, because what I noticed next was even more horrifying. There on the floor next to Carry, right at the edge of her knees was those three kids that were messing with me, Andy, Kent, and Cal. Their bodies laid there motionless with blood all over their clothing. They laid there in a crippled fettle position, stacked up like a holocaustic burial ground.
The man was there laughing his way into silence. In a most satisfying, most disgusting laugh I had ever heard. It rang in the in the depths of my ears and it never ceased. I wondered what it was, this disgusted yet satisfying laughter called pleasure, or was it desire that rang in his now depleting chuckle. The tingle that ran down my spine was chilling, almost paralyzing to the regular lasting soul.
I looked down toward the fake Carry and watched her as she shouted. "Timmy, run!" That last word echoed throughout the vary depths of my mind again and again.
I then realized what was going on. I saw that Carry was looking into my eyes. It was the real Carry, not the one that was in my…vision. She looked frantic, and was calling my name, trying not to shout, but just loud enough for me to snap out of what happened to me. "Timmy, are you ok?"
I looked at her. I hadn't realized that I was expression no emotion. I was grabbing the rail of her staircase with astounding force, so tightly gripped that I had forgotten what was going on. A cold racing sweat was in my shirt covering every last bit of cotton strand that you could see. Trembling I was, as terribly anxious as I felt myself be. Never had I experienced such a deep chill of fear, or honestly I didn't know what it was. It was almost completely aggravating to even commence the thought of such an over bearing thought. Nevertheless I wasn't going to let any of this take part in my mind tormenting me so.
"Timmy, are you ok?" Carry's voice was firm this time. She grabbed me by the shoulders and guided me to the down the stairs, and to the kitchen on the left. I knew she was worried, but for some reason I couldn't speak. The words just couldn't escape my mouth as if someone had sewn my mouth shut.
I looked at her, and opened my mouth, finally pushing the words out as hard as I was able to. "Yes, I am." I didn't know what else to say. It was all so disturbing that I was under the influence of almost breaking out into a nervous breakdown over how terrifying it was. What did I see? What did it mean? These and many other questions raced all throughout the electrical singles that pulsed along my mind. Personally, I was scared. I honestly didn't know what was going on.
"Timmy, tell me the truth, what's going on?" Carry was so scared. "What's going on? Why are you acting so strange?"
"Yeah, Carter, what's going on with you?" Jay said this, from behind, if my senses haven't failed me yet. "Tell us, oh wise one, tell us how you're not going crazy, because that act was pretty weird."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied so silently. "I don't know. What did I do?"
"You were just there looking at me as if you saw a ghost." Carry met my eyes one more time. "Sweetheart, tell me what is on your mind?"
"What more can I say?" I sat up straight lightening up on the subject.
"Timmy," Carry's bottom lip was shaking. "What did you see?"
That last question was unexpected. I didn't know what to say. How did she know I saw something was more on my mind that telling her that I saw someone dead, and that I viewed the kids that I so wished dead were dead in front of my own eyes. I didn't know what to say. The words had been taken right out from the bottom of my tongue. "I saw them dead," I managed to say.
"Who did you see?" Carry looked in my eyes. They were so scared, so filled with beauty, but terrified. I just noticed how ruined her hair was, and her face wasn't in the simple set up of makeup she normally wore. I looked down slightly and noticed that she was in a night shirt. She had just woken up, and now she had to awake to some kind of drama that I was causing.
It was something that I regretted saying, this next phrase that ran on the edge of my lips. "I killed them. Those kids that hung out with Andy," I muttered this in such a slight manner that it was really dimmed, so dim that I was completely silent. I didn't quite figure what was happening until I was shaken by the shoulders by Carry.
"Timmy, what's going on? Please, tell me," Carry looked on the verge of snapping and smacking me across the face. I didn't know why I was being so incompliant. I was to the point of slapping myself in the face. It wasn't until a few seconds later that I was able to come to myself, and reply Carry's question.
"I saw something. It was so strange. I didn't know what I saw, but I had a feeling it was evil. It felt like a dream; very vague, it was, and yet the message was so clear." I stunned myself and the others around me, well just Carry for now, so Ryan would be coming over for breakfast as we always have on a Sunday morning. "Death is cold, but death is fair, and the last, but only the beginning."
Carry held me on a state of shock with her trembling smooth skin. So majestic, it was against my chest. "What has happened to you? Just last night, you were fine. Timmy, I can't take this anymore. It's been so much drama ever since the day our…our fathers fought. I'm to the point of breaking." I felt the tears drip unto my shirt. How could someone be so strong, but yet so fragile? How could anyone stand so much drama for so long?
"Carry, I'm sorry." I held her gently. "And I thank you for caring for me. I know it's been so long that someone's given me any form of kindness and I was blind to have neglected you. I know it doesn't matter now, and I know something is going to happen. I don't know what it is, and I believe that no matter how often or time I spent pondering about it, I will never figure it out." I adjusted so I could look her in the eyes. "Let's just move on with our lives, ok? You're my friend and I don't like seeing you like this."
"Of course, we don't," Ryan walked into the room, and watched the scene. "So why is she feeling like that?"Ryan was always the one to be asking questions, I mean I couldn't blame him of his curiosity, but nevertheless I couldn't be answering everything to him just now.
"There was just a scene," I replied as I looked at Ryan directly into his eyes. "It's not something to take a major worry on."
"Oh, ok, that seems legit. I'm glad to hear you too are finally not being all dramatic on each other, because for the last few days you two have been a Lifetime movie with all the crying and all."
Carry looked up and said in a shocked tone of voice. "What did you say!?"
"Yeah," Ryan replied. "I saw you crying one night when you got home. I was going for a walk to the small convenient store and I saw you get off your car and you were crying."
"Oh, sorry," Carry replied lowly. Of course, she was upset that someone saw her crying. Even more to add to the situation is that I knew why she was crying, and I knew who it was about. It was about me; always has been, maybe always will be. "Sorry, you had to see that."
"It's ok, don't worry about it," Ryan patted her back. "So, let's start with some breakfast." Ryan walked over to the refrigerator and took out a carton of eggs and placed them on the counter. He took out about seven and cracked them, preparing them for the usual scrambling.
I looked back at Carry and watched her carefully, hoping that she would not just suddenly snap and then start killing people. I knew she was under a lot of stress, and I feared the worst already, because all this crying was only getting worse, as I concluded.
"Carry, are you ok," I saw myself walking towards her and holding her. "I'm so sorry that I'm being driven insane by these people. I wish I could just tell you it'll be ok, but I know deep down inside that it isn't. I know that I can't just fix everything and making all over of problems go away, but know that I'm here for you. I've realized that I want to take care of you and get rid of all of this drama."… Yeah, how convenient all of that would be. Oh, how'd I'd to do that, but unfortunately I can'tdo any of those things and then again even if I did it wouldn't be the same, because I was so used to the drama and it just would make us collapse.
I wanted to help her in any way possible, but right now, things are really strange. I mean ever since last night, I have been experiencing such strange things. I would black out and then I'd come back to on my bed wondering what I was doing. It was such a frightening experience and I personally I was almost terrified what happens when I black out. I knew that it wasn't normal for me to be experiencing such events, but for now, I must live with them, so I can make Carry feel better by saying that I am fine.
I wasn't to exhilarant about eating breakfast just yet. I wanted to relax and get over this traumatic experience that I just went through. What could it have meant was beyond be, but nevertheless I knew that it had something to do with my desires; the desires no one talks about because you'll get sent to a mental institution for thinking of such blasphemous thoughts in modern day society. What I didn't understand was why those kids were the ones to be slaughtered by my own hand. I obvious was not planning on finding out, but when Carry suddenly said from the blue. "Timmy, would you kill Andy and those other jerk?" I was complete thrown off my seat, almost literally, and Ryan didn't hesitate to glance and give a stern look on his face saying 'what!?'
Now, I was complete mesmerized by what the meaning of the 'vision' held. I wanted to know what did I really see, and what did really happen? "Well, if it comes to a point, maybe I will be driven to that point in life. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want them treating me like this. The fight I got into with them just made things worse. The cops were always against me because of my record, and now, I hope that I do not get into any more trouble, but knowing them and past events, I can assume it isn't safe anymore."
"What do you mean that it won't be safe," Carry looked at me dead in the eye. Her eyes, sorrowful and yet hoping that there everything will be ok, were already going to begin to tear up. "Just tell me that it will ok."
"I just don't know anymore, Carry," I said caution. I know that if I said anything else that she would get even more upset from my words. I was aware that they were bleak, sometimes to blunt at that, but nevertheless, she will get hurt. "I'm sorry, but judging by past events, things will get worse. I don't know what will happen next, but I'm sure that it won't be good. I have a feeling, such a devastating numbing sensation that soon there will be something bad to occur."
Carry and Ryan just watched me. They knew when I spoke in such a way I was serious on the subject, but assured I would have to continue with the subject, I carried on. "In my 'vision', if you must say, I saw Andy and his friends dead at my feet, I don't know what happened and I wondered deeply what was occurring when I saw the scene. I saw Carry crying in front of me begging for the black figure to stop…"
Carry was the first to interrupt me of my interpretation, that I was about to give out. "Please, Timmy, just stop it! Just stop, let's just get back to making breakfast, ok?" Her eyes were softening like crazy, so I realized that I was pushing her to the point of breaking down. I found it painful almost to see her like that. I didn't know why, and I most definitely could not explain why these feelings were occurring.
"Ok, Carry, I'll stop." I said softly to her. "If it makes you feel better, I'll stop." I took a glance at her and I realized that she hadn't even changed from her night gown and yet I had the audacity to keep on pushing her, but yet there Carry was just glancing at me through watered eyes with an expression that was to the point of begging. "So what do you all want to make for breakfast?" I attempted to change the subject.
Ryan was the first to respond, climbing off the kitchen counter where he had been sitting. "I guess some bacon and eggs would be nice. What do you think, Carry, would that be good?" Ryan looked Carry, who replied a simple 'yes'.
Carry stood up and went over to the counter, and pulled out a bowl from the top left drawer. She did this in such a slow and careful way, as if the bowl had some sort of material scattered on the inside waiting to just burst out at any time. I knew she was nervous, and I knew that she was anxious, but I could not piece together if she was devastated about what has occurred that it has pushed her to the point of breaking. Honestly, I was to the point of snapping, and I know how she felt towards the sensations of these types of agonies.
I got up to help her; hopefully that it would ease things up from the, but as I did, she just pushed herself towards the counter even more. Carry's shoulders were tensing when I put my hand on the left one and said. "Do you need any help?"
"Darling, I appreciate the help, but for now, let me make you breakfast. You've been through a lot." I heard the small thump of the bowl being placed on the counter.
"Carry," I turned her around. "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to talk about it right now, wait for a little bit when we go out somewhere, OK?" Carry turned and broke eye contact from me.
It wasn't until long that we were all eating the delicious food that Carry cooked. She was excellent at it, so good, that we had already started planning on her opening her own restaurant and assisting her when she needed some help. I hope she was planning on going through with this; Carry was an extremely good cook. The bacon was crisped red and to just the right crunchiness and juice that seeped out from the inside of the bacon. It was salty, but not too salty.
Ryan was munching down like he's never had such a good breakfast before. I saw him just 'munching' away, and the egg would fall out of his mouth, that was when I looked at Carry, and we both laughed at Ryan's sloppy eating. "What I do?" was what he said when he noticed us sneaking out some laugh with the food hanging out of his mouth. "I didn't do anything," he said with his mouth full.
"Nothing, nothing," Carry chuckled in that soft voice that she had. I was glad that she was no longer upset. I really enjoyed it when she was happy, but I knew that it wouldn't last for long. I knew it was a pessimistic was of thinking, but it was the truth. As cruel as it sounds, I know that it would be worse for me, then again I wanted to make sure that she was happy at least for the remaining time.
"So, Carry, are you still planning on opening that restaurant?" Ryan asked short after breakfast was done.
"Yeah, I want to go to college for it," Carry smiled as she took a small drink from her glass of orange juice. I can tell that she was passionate about making food. The tone in her voice was almost excited when she spoke of it. "I want to go to school in New York at ICE."
I didn't know where that was, so I just said. "Well, that's good. I'm sure you can make it to the school."
"Thanks, Hon," Carry smiled towards me. I was trying to show her support and I assumed that she noticed it. "I appreciate you all supporting me."
"You're welcome," I replied, grinning for a while...