My heart is drumming, pounding in my chest, KILL THEM! I run into the forest, I can hear the people everywhere and I can't see them. I can smell them, I can hear them and I can sense them, I can taste them and I can feel them. My mind won't stop, it won't listen, images of blood on my hands, images of my hands around a man's throat, images of stabbing a pregnant woman repeatedly.
I want to do it, I have to do it but I can't! I refuse to give in, never, stop KILL THEM! I stop at the river, frozen over I don't even feel the cold of the snow on the ground as I fall on my knees, I punch at the ice and it cracks and I punch again and again, my fist is bleeding and the ice breaks.
I hear the water and I stick my head in the large hole, I feel refreshed as my entire body begins shaking in pure cold KILL THEM! I test myself, I wait until I can't breathe and then I wait more, I fight my body to see how close to death I can brush, I feel pain inside me as my lungs scream for air, as my body screams in torture, I pull out.
The voice leaves, I feel relaxed again; I know it's a flimsy defense at best but I won't let the devil win again. I hear clapping behind me, turning I scowl as Lucipher smiles coldly. Slick blond hair and blue eyes in his black suit, "I've never seen anyone resist like you, I've seen people resist but usually for a week before they succumbed."
I shiver in cold, I slip off my shirt and turn around as casually as I can. I follow with the rest of my clothes until I'm naked, I can feel the cold winds against my skin, hurting my bones themselves as I squeeze my clothes as dry as I can, "You can't have me Lu, I can do this every day if I have to, you won't win."
It always happens like this, every morning I find some way to get myself near death, it's the only cure to my sickness. Sometimes I do it three or four times a day, sometimes I nearly bleed to death and Lucipher renews me because he needs me, I'm destined to be his greatest and he needs me alive.
Sometimes I hang myself, I feel the rope tighten around my neck and my life leave as I shit myself, as I hang and swing and just when I'm about to die Lu comes and cuts the rope. He really wants me, and I hate my life and I can do this for the rest of my life, for eternity.
Shaking his head he smiles, "You can't keep this up you know, sooner or later you'll give in, you can't live a normal life and keep on doing this. Sooner or later people will find out, I smile and feel the warmth returning to my body already, Lu's doing of course. It's not comforting warmth, it's like a raging fire is inside me but it keeps the voice away, "Can you blame me for trying, I'm only human."
I dress quickly, feeling the moist clothes press against me; the voice is going to return sooner or later, I know I have to find a more permanent cure for this. Placing my cured hands in the river I rinse my hair, messing it into a carefree look. Facing Lu in the face I can see the anger he is hiding, "I'll be here when you finally give in."