Page 1, This is how I currently feel about God, even though I love Him. Me being a Messianic Jew does not save me from a spiritual crisis. It is better that I am honest than to lie about how I feel.

I am at war with myself.

I am at war with doubt.

I am at war with anger.

I am at war with my own human nature that makes me enemies with God and everything good.

My one question is who will win?

The faithful me, or the faithless me?

Will I remain loyal to God, or become a traitor to everything sacred to me?

Will my life mean something to someone other than God, or will I lead a pointless life until god finally sets me free from this pain filled exitence?

My one wish is for my life to mean something to someone other than God, then I can die happy when God decides that it is time for me to come home.

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