Blaine is always alone. At least that’s what Lewis sees. He’s never seen with friends or having an activity other than sitting in the class. He’s a dull boy and he never talks to anyone. If Lewis is not in the same class with him, he might not know that Blaine exists.
The bullies don’t want to pick on him. Whereas all the other kids which are as silent as him are always bullied. Blaine can just safely walk to his locker without having his head being shoved inside, or walks pass the jocks without having to be showered with their drink. Nobody knows why. Some think that Blaine has a special connection with the jocks, some think that he can fight better than them so nobody dares to hit him.
Lewis found Blaine interesting. He observed that boy closely, when he walks to the library to read, he tried to see what books Blaine read. When he stays alone at class after school just to listen to his iPod, Lewis would try to ask him what songs he hears.
Actually there’s nothing special with Blaine. He’s an average boy with a slim build, rather small body, dirty blond hair, and a pair of grey eyes which are cold as beads of stones. Lewis himself cannot explain why he wanted to be the boy’s friend so badly.
Blaine is so much into occultism. As far as Lewis knows, by stalking him and saw the books he read. He wants to be a necromancer.
Lewis wants to know Blaine so much more, just to be stopped by a high, thick wall Blaine built between himself and the society.
Nobody knows what makes him hide himself from the view. Nobody cares. Except for Lewis.
Today Mr. Morris pairs Blaine and Lewis for his biology experiment. There is nothing nice with sticking your eye on the microscope just to observe microscopic moving objects called paramecium, but at least Lewis can find a reason to talk with Blaine.
The first attempt he did to talk with Blaine was when the boy was sitting alone on his class when school was over, listening to his iPod while tapping his fingers on the table.
Lewis sat in front of him, trying his best to tell Blaine that he wanted to be friends and that they were classmates. All Blaine did was rolling his eyes and increased the volume of his iPod. Tired of waiting for an hour, Lewis headed home.
The second attempt was when he spotted Blaine reading an old, thick occultism book in the library. Lewis grabbed a book of its kind and sat in front of Blaine, trying to impress him and lure him into a talk. All he did was raising his left eyebrow and said, “That’s a novel.” Lewis was so embarrassed he didn’t try to talk with Blaine anymore. Until today.
“Hey, lab buddy,” he said, trying to be friendly. Blaine doesn’t even bother to look away from the paramecium samples inside the glass tubes. “I hope we can work together.”
“Mr. Morris,” Blaine called out, raising his hand. “Can I just work alone?”
His question is answered by Mr. Morris’ shake of head.
“Why can’t you just talk with me like all the others do?” Lewis asked, a bit pissed. “You look like you really hate me.”
“I don’t. I don’t hate anyone,” Blaine replied. Lewis feels his heart rises a bit after hearing Blaine’s hoarse, husky voice. “But I don’t like anyone, either. I don’t want to be friends with you. You are interrupting what I want to do, you want to fill the space I’ve created for myself. It’s like you want to know me.”
“I do, I want to know you. That’s why I want to be friends with you,” he replied instantly. Lewis doesn’t care anymore. All he wants was to have a small friendly chat with the boy.
“I don’t need any friends,” Blaine replied through his gritted teeth. He starts to arrange a fragment of glass under the objective lens of the microscope.
“Yes, you do,” Lewis said, grabbing Blaine’s wrist to interrupt him from getting too busy with the microscope. “Otherwise you will be lonely.”
“I have no friends and I am not lonely,” he stated bravely. “I… I have someone at my house. A girl.”
“You have a girlfriend?” Lewis asked, feeling his eyes widening with surprise. “But, you’re so silent, you don’t have any friend, how could you get a lover?”
“She lifted me from the darkness,” Blaine murmured. Lewis needs to try his best to listen. “She is the only one in my life. She keeps me company. I am not lonely. With her by my side, I don’t need anyone else.”
“Well yeah, but that’s not… really healthy, you know. You can’t only live with one girl as your company,” Lewis replied, scratching the back of his head. “I am a bit disappointed that you don’t want to be friends with me just because… you know, you have a girlfriend.”
Blaine doesn’t reply, instead just dropping some water which contains the paramecium sample on the glass fragment.
“Can I see her?” Lewis asked absent-mindedly.
He was expecting Blaine to shout at him telling him not to be nosy, or just rolled his eyes, but, to his surprise, Blaine smiled widely, pulled out his wallet and showed him a picture of a girl.
The girl is pretty. She wears a pearl necklace and a beautiful dark purple gown. Her blonde hair is wavy and shoulder-length. She doesn’t look at the camera but she smiles brightly with her green eyes gleaming cheerfully.
“She’s so pretty,” Lewis commented. Blaine looked up at him and for the first time Lewis can see a hint of warmth in his grey eyes.
“Her name is Anastasia,” the smaller boy said with a faint smile.
“Is she staying at your place?” Lewis knows he doesn’t want to talk much about this girl, but this is the only way he can talk to Blaine. “You must be really fond of each other.”
“We were childhood friends,” taking the photo slowly from Lewis’s hand, Blaine inserted it into his wallet again. “It is our destiny to be together, forever. When I graduate I will marry her, and I will go to college so I can get a job to keep us fed.”
“Do you… you know, love her?” another stupid question. Lewis doesn’t know why, why he would ask a question as stupid as that. Everyone knows if a guy promises to marry his lover, then he loves her to pieces. He just wanted to keep having a talk with Blaine. This is what he had been aiming so far, to be able to talk with him. To know many things about him.
“Of course I do, silly” Blaine let out a small chuckle and gave a nudge on Lewis’s arm with his elbow. “Why would I marry a girl if I don’t love her?”
It is the first physical contact they have. Lewis moves his hand toward his upper arm where Blaine had made the first physical contact. It’s unbelievable.
Their next talk is about how to do the experiment, what they should do so they can write correctly how the paramecium moves, what is its pigment, and others. The period’s over, and Lewis is grateful to be able to spend some hours talking with his new friend.
“You think we will score well in our report?” he asked Blaine while picking up his belongings. The boy looked up to him with cocked brow.
“Of course. We worked well. I guess we are teammates,” he smiled, and Lewis realized that Blaine can also be friendly, not the frozen-hearted boy everyone knows. “I’m sorry for not liking you before and avoiding you, Lewis. You are a nice guy and I enjoy your company.”
“That’s my pleasure,” he replied, smiling widely. “And, later, I want to see this girlfriend of yours. Maybe later I can come to your house to see her?”
Blaine suddenly looks uncomfortable. He looked down at his shoes and speaks in a low tone. “She doesn’t like visits. Don’t come to my place. She will never like to meet you.”
“Wow, dude, that’s a rude respond,” Lewis said with a chuckle. “Anyways, see you in the next period. I’m gonna head out.”
He pats Blaine’s shoulder softly and left.
The boy’s nice, he thought. And also so beautiful, actually.
He walks in the corridor with his thought filled with Blaine.
Lewis has never been in love.
He slept with lots of girls, those who beg him with puppy eyes to sleep with them, to make them moan with pleasure. He did that, lots of time.
But he has never loved any of them.
For him they are for one-night stand only. Here tonight, gone tomorrow. What he did to them was only a favor. They are his friends and they asked him to please them, so be it. It is not hard for him to find girls who wanted to sleep with him. He is handsome and has a masculine body, with blond hair and light blue eyes. Those girls are sometimes annoying when they asked him out to date them, but at least make his life less boring.
And then he met Blaine. All those times he wanted to be close with that boy, to be his friend, the feeling evolved more and more and now he misses the boy every time he is not around. He thinks of Blaine every day, every hour, every minute, every second. When they sit in class Lewis would turn his head to see Blaine sitting on the back row, either locking his gaze to the teacher or nibbling his pencil softly. And realizing that someone’s looking at him, he would raise his head to look at Lewis and smile at him.
Lewis is in love with Blaine.
He doesn’t swing that way, he never liked any other guy before, Blaine is the first and going to be the last.
Lewis tried to be close to Blaine, as close as possible. He goes wherever Blaine goes. He reads the occult books he has never understand just to impress Blaine. And when the smaller boy let out a small chuckle because of Lewis’ stupid and clumsy act, there’s this tiny knotting feeling in this stomach along with a warm feeling in his heart from seeing how Blaine likes to see him act stupid like that.
Of course he cannot just tell Blaine how he feels.
There’s this mysterious lover of his. This girl named Anastasia, whom Lewis hasn’t seen.
Is this girl making Blaine happy? Is she good enough for Blaine? How lucky she is to have her boyfriend for herself, without making any other company.
What if this girl actually doesn’t love his boyfriend? What if all this time Blaine has spent his time in meaningless act, to love a girl who actually doesn’t have a feeling toward him?
What if this girl actually feels embarrassed to be with Blaine, which makes her decline every visit?
Lewis really wanted to find out why Blaine doesn’t want to show his girlfriend. It’s impossible if he’s embarrassed to show this girlfriend of his, since he loves this girl to pieces.
Lewis wanted to have Blaine for himself. This is selfish, and he knows it clearly. He should’ve been satisfied by having Blaine around as a friend. He’s the only guy who can be seen around with Blaine. He should be grateful, this is all he had wanted.
“Have you ever had a girlfriend before this Anastasia?”
Blaine looks at Lewis, his left brow cocked upward. They are standing on the school roof, wanting to see the sunset and feel the cool breeze of autumn wind.
“No,” he answered solemnly. His grey eyes staring intently to the orange clouds. “I have never loved anyone else…”
“Will you love somebody else then, if Anastasia leave you?” Lewis can hear the husky, irritated voice escaped his own throat.
“She will never do that.”
“What if she does?”
Blaine turned around to face Lewis fully. His lips are pursed into a thin line, his eyebrows pulled together into a frown.
“Why do you ask?”
“She’s a lucky girl,” Lewis replied. “She has a guy who loved her so much. Who keeps her safely at home and promised to marry her. She is beautiful, Blaine. I am not offending, but out there, there are tons of other guys who wanted to be with her. Guys who are richer than you, more mature, more handsome.”
“That is why I don’t want anyone to visit her,” a trembling voice escaped Blaine’s lips.
“You are being over-protective. And you are being selfish by keeping her to yourself like that. If you keep treating her that way, she will hate you and at last leave you.”
“She is a beautiful girl. She really is. Every boy in town wants her. I should be like that so she won’t run to them.”
“You don’t trust her.”
Blaine sank on the floor, clutching his upper arms. He leans on the cold wall, hugging himself in despair.
“Why do you say this?” he said breathily. “It will make me feel a million times better if you don’t say this.”
“I am just saying what I think is true. I am your friend and I want the best for you,” Lewis replied. Cold. Wincing like his tongue became bitter of saying those things about Anastasia to Blaine who loves her really much, he walked toward his friend slowly.
“You’re lying,” Blaine said through his gritted teeth. “You are one of those guys who wanted to date her.”
He looked up to Lewis, eyes furious and full of anger. “You want to have her, that’s why you tried to get close to me. You tried to get rid of me by saying these bad things about her, so I will leave her and then you can have her. This is what you wanted, right?”
“What the hell? I haven’t even seen your girlfriend, how the heck can I be attracted to her?”
“You have seen her picture.”
“Yes, and just a picture! I don’t like her, I’m telling this for your own good!”
“Then what do you want?!” Blaine shouted. Lewis has never heard him speaking with such anger. He rarely shows hint of emotions.
Both of them fell silent. Blaine clutches himself tighter, digging his nails into his upper arms. Lewis stands in front of him, speechless.
“I have no parents,” Blaine started. “Anastasia’s parents took me in because our families were close. I slowly fell in love with her. She is my destiny, the person I want to see every time I wake up. I don’t want her to fall in anybody else’s hand. She’s way too perfect for them…”
“A relationship cannot go well if it’s one-sided. You may love her, but who knows if she doesn’t?” Lewis said, voice only a little bit above a whisper.
“It will never happen. She will not…” Blaine’s voice cracked into a sob before he finished his sentence.
Lewis stands dumbfounded in front of his friend, unable to do anything. Blaine covered his face with his trembling hands, shouting and crying.
“Yes! Yes, she doesn’t love me! She broke me up and decided to run with another guy. I should keep her with me,” he shouted out loud, spilling all he has kept in his heart, revealing the truth to himself who has been lying for all this time. “Why do you say this? Why are you bringing up this feeling to the surface? You came into my life pretending like you are the best person I will know in high school, and then at last stab me with your words! What do you want?! What do you want from me?!”
Lewis kneels down, then extending his hand to grip Blaine’s trembling shoulder. He’s small and his shoulder is thin, Lewis can feel the bones right under his fingers.
“What I want,” he whispers. Blaine looks up to him, their eyes meeting. Lewis bites his lower lip to stop it from trembling. His arms ache from being too close with Blaine. He wanted to hold the boy close to his chest, clutching him like there’s no tomorrow. “Is you.”
And then he leaned forward, pressing his lips on Blaine’s, as soft as he can, savouring every feeling he gets. He grips the boy’s shoulders tightly, keeping him in place. Every thought in his head disappear, the world become surreal around him.
But the precious, heavenly minutes don’t last forever. Blaine pushed him away and stands up quickly like he had just seen a poisonous snake on the floor. Lewis stands up after him, eyeing him very closely. He knows Blaine will be disappointed by his act. He knows that he shouldn’t have done it. He knows that Blaine will hate him.
“Why the hell did you do that?” Blaine asked, his voice barely audible.
“I’m in love with you,” Lewis answered. He has been rejected and he doesn’t need to be afraid to say that. He knows how Blaine will react.
“Nonsense,” Blaine laughed sarcastically. He throws his head backward, clutching a fistful of his hair. “I am a low human being. I avoided you before this, remember? You cannot love me. That’s impossible.”
“But I do,” Lewis replied. His heart is slowly breaking by how Blaine rejected him. “And I want you to look at me, only me. I want you to be mine. This is all I have been thinking. I fell for you since we talked in the Biology lab. Yes, I am being cheesy, but this is what I felt. Also one of the factors of why I told all those things about Anastasia, and I was right.”
“You planned this!” Blaine shouted, pointing at Lewis with his bony index finger. “You wanted me to leave her so you can have me!”
“It’s not exactly like that, I just want to say that you can find someone better. Who loves you more,” Lewis bites his lower lip, his heart ache from seeing how Blaine now hates him because of how big is his love toward this Anastasia girl.
“And you’re saying that this person is you?” Blaine’s eyes bulged like they’re going to jump out. “You sleep with almost all girls in this school! You dated five girls at once and goes to night clubs, do you think I am dumb enough to believe that you are going to love me?”
A very slight movement of Blaine’s fingers is the only warning Lewis had before a slap landed on his cheek. It hurts like hell. Lewis’s heart is crumpled to small pieces he cannot put back together. It’s his first love. And he got rejected so cruelly. Blaine walks past Lewis with tears rolling on his cheeks. Lewis tried to grab him and apologize, but he shoved Lewis away. He is too teary-eyed to see well. He stumbled on his way down, with Lewis chasing him screaming apologies. Blaine doesn’t care. He wants to go home. Home to where Anastasia is waiting patiently for him under the bed covers.
Lewis is following Blaine silently, wanting to see his so-called house. Wanting to see this Anastasia girl who has broke the boy’s heart, who made him refused to be Lewis’s.
How special is this girl? How the hell she can make Lewis so crazy of her?
Blaine’s house is too far from school, and takes too long time to go to it just by walking. Though Blaine does it every day. Lewis almost reached his limit of stamina when Blaine turned right to an alley. Lewis followed eagerly, keeping his steps silent so Blaine won’t be suspicious and turn around to find him, or else he will be hated more than before.
There are some wilted flowers along the road. Nobody seems to take care of it. It is purposefully planted, then it means someone must have taken care of it before it goes abandoned like now.
On the end of the alley, there’s a small house. It’s small and its windows are dusty, like nobody places it. Blaine opened the door after finding the keys inside his pocket. Lewis stands as close as possible to the window to peek, but also tries to stay hidden.
The window is the window of Blaine’s room. He’s inside, Lewis can see after wiping off the dusts sticking on the glass. He’s speaking to someone. Lewis sticks his ear to the wall so he can hear their conversation.
“I’m sorry I’m late. I was having a hard conversation with my friend.”
Blaine is embracing a girl. Is that the so-called Anastasia? The girl who had put Blaine in her own emotional prison?
The girl is wearing the same pearl necklace and dark purple gown as Lewis saw in the picture Blaine showed him. She is not facing Lewis, so all he can see is her body line, which is so curvy. She is beautiful, Lewis can tell even though he’s just looking at her back.
But to his surprise, when he is observing the girl’s body, and how Blaine embraces her so affectionately, the girl’s head fell off. And when I write this, I understand the meaning. This is not a connotation.
Blaine picked up the head from the floor calmly, putting it back on Anastasia’s neck after laying her body on his bed.
Lewis knows he is stalking Blaine and he cannot make any sound, but out of his shock, he shouted, right there. Blaine looked at the source of the voice, surprised to see Lewis there.
He bolted out of the door, pulling Lewis with him to the house.
Lewis is speechless, his entire body trembling with fear. What is this? What is happening? Does Anastasia have this special ability to detach her head from her body?
Or is Blaine falling in love with a corpse?
“I told you not to come,” he whispered, bringing Lewis to the room where Anastasia’s body is laying stiffly, lifeless. “She doesn’t want any visit.”
“What happened to her?” is the only question Lewis can ask.
“I told you that she broke me up and chose to run with another guy,” Blaine let out a scattered chuckle. “And I told you that I want to keep her to myself no matter what, right?”
Another sarcastic laugh, then Blaine declared.
“I killed her so I can have her to myself. That’s why I wanted to be a necromancer, so I can revive her and we will have our future together as I have planned.”
Lewis wanted to throw out. Blaine is a twisted psychopath, a necrophile, an obsessive ex-boyfriend. He casted his glance toward the stiff, greenish corpse of a once beautiful young girl. Her life ended because of a right choice she made.
“Now you’re going to avoid me, right? It’s you now who’s gonna do that.”
“Why did you do this? You don’t love her if it’s this way how you wanted to treat her! Now I know why you don’t let anyone visit her! You’re so twisted, crazy, and obsessive! She made the right choice to leave you because nobody can stand to have a boyfriend like you!”
Blaine stares at Lewis, wide-eyed, his lower lip trembles.
“Me? Twisted? Ob… Obsessive?”
He clenched his fists tightly, his fingernails digging too deeply into his flesh that it drew blood. “I am not obsessive. I am just crazily in love with her!”
“How could you do this if you love her?! Let her go, let her enjoy her life. See that if she is happy then you are also happy!”
“Shut the hell up!” Blaine shouted. He walked briefly toward Lewis, tackling him down on the bed which Anastasia is laying on.
The smell of the corpse fills Lewis’s nostrils, making him wanted to throw up more. Blaine is on top of Lewis, pressing Lewis’s throat with his thumbs, forbidding him to breathe.
“What did you say before? In the school roof? You’re in love with me?” Blaine asked, forcing out a smile. Tears rolled down his cheeks and fell on Lewis’s face. “Nobody has ever declared that to me. Not even Anastasia. I was so happy when you said that, but a part of me convinced me that I still have Anastasia, that I should keep her happy, that I should watch after her and not making her disappointed by dating another guy.”
Lewis wants forgot all he had said on the school roof, all the feelings he had for Blaine vanished like they never existed before. All he wants now is to go out of this crazy place, transfer school and erases Blaine from his head.
Blaine leaned in slowly, pressing his lips on Lewis’s, sealing them with a feverish kiss. He whispers “I love you” every time he pulls back only to kiss again with more force. And with Lewis’s throat pressed by Blaine’s fingers, and mouth covered by Blaine’s mouth, his sight slowly fades into black along with his breath.
And at last he won Blaine’s affection, by dying slowly beside the corpse of his beloved, Anastasia.