Love and Loss

There are some things in life that you just don’t want to hear, let alone witness. I never heard the gunshots; never saw or heard the sirens. The pain that was forming in my mind blocked it all out. My best friend, the only person in the world that actually understood me, was dead. I was there when she was brutally murdered. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. If only there was some way…

            Alexia was the only person that could actually understand me and my ways of thinking. Although I wasn’t too smart, she still believed that I could do anything that I put my mind to. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. But the people that she got involved with weren’t the best.

            She had a habit; one of the worst that anyone could ever develop. The coke had really messed with her head. If she didn’t have enough, she would come over and beg me for money to get more. Of course, she knew that I knew about the coke. She would deny it; tell me that she was quitting. When she asked for the money, I knew what it was for, even though she said it was for her groceries.

            Regardless, today went quite as normal. We had breakfast as we usually did, then I went home. I spent the day getting ready for my date later on in the evening. I showered, dried off, and picked out my best suit for the evening. Six o’ clock came faster than I expected it would; and soon Alexia and I were off to our dinner at the local fancy restaurant.

            Dinner went fine, and everything felt so right when I was with her. I was falling in love, and I definitely didn’t want this to end. Ever. But of course, as all things are, they must end. Whether it is being torn apart by a death or by another person taking it away, all things come to an end.

            Walking home in the dark, we took a shortcut across an alleyway by my apartment. As with almost any big city alleyways, we could see a few dealers hiding in the shadows, watching us as we walked by. Their darting stares unnerved us so bad that our pace quickened to a fast walk.

            Everything happened at once. The dealers seemed to close in around us, making a half circle that had no exit. They all stared at me, then their eyes darted to Alexia. Back and forth, back and forth, their evil, high, bloodshot eyes drifted back and forth to me and back to my best friend.

            “Let us through.” I said calmly. The one standing in front of us in the center of the semi-circle looked at me.

            “Not until your little hunnybunny pays off her debt to me. I believe she owes me a good amount of money.” He replied.

            As our eyes adjusted to the dark, I could see the man that had spoken. Tall and lanky, his shoulder-length black hair greasy enough to shine in the dim streetlight. The look in his bloodshot eyes told me that he wasn’t joking around. Something didn’t feel right about this.

            I looked over at Alexia. Her eyes were wide with the look of fear; I could see sweat drops running down her face. She obviously knew the man, probably quite well. She grabbed my sleeve, a look of terror spreading down her face. She shook with the intensity of the vibrations from a train. Adrenaline rushed through both of us, making both of us sweat enough that we glowed in what little streetlight there was.

            As we busied ourselves with staring at the dealers in front of us, we made the mistake of not paying any attention to the ones behind us. The lead dealer smoothed his hair back, which must have been a signal for the others. I could feel several pairs of hands pulling me away from Alexia and holding me in place. From there I saw red. I tried as hard as I could to get one of my arms free, but whenever I would one of the junkies would grab ahold of my legs and keep me from moving. Every time I would kick one of them they would let me go, only to grab ahold of my arms and keep me from doing anything else.

            Alexia was having an equally difficult time, although they were being harder on her. From what I could see they had her pinned up against the side of the building, her back cutting hard into the brick. She was being hit and kicked; I could hear the cracking of bones. One of the junkies pulled out a knife and readied himself to stab her.

            Seeing this made me see red. I got myself pulled away from the junkies holding me and ran towards the one with the knife. I got to him just as he was pulling back his arm to stab. Grabbing his arm, I caught the handle of the knife and twisted it out of his hand. Pulling it down, I felt the blade cut into his skin right above his chest.

            The musty stench of blood filled the night air. Not paying attention to what I was doing, I did not realize that the main dealer had pulled out a gun. I could hear the screams of the woman I loved, high and shrieking. The men had pushed her to the ground, onto her bloodstained back. I could see one of the men sitting on top of her, beating her to within inches of her life.

            All at once, I could feel myself being pulled back by a few of the junkies. The knife was taken away from me by what must have been the “second-in-command.” Realizing the worst was yet to come, my adrenaline rush was over. I could feel the fatigue getting to me; draining me of any and all energy I had. Alexia was feeling the same, though she kept up the fight longer than I ever could. I think that was her mistake.

            As I’ve told myself time and time again, I never saw the gun. I want to believe that I never heard the gunshot. But I did. In actual reality, I saw the drug ring leader pull out the gun. I saw him aim it at Alexia’s unconscious body, lying on the ground so twisted up that I would have never thought it would be possible, even for a professional contortionist. I could hear a loud bang, and Alexia’s body shot up. I could see the blood pouring from her neck, getting all over anything that it could reach. I could see the pain scrawled across her unconscious face. That twisted look...

            After taking her blood and smearing it over his face and hands, the leader of the group turned to me. Realizing his intentions, I couldn’t do anything that could even remotely save my life. I couldn’t save Alexia’s, and for that I thought that I deserved to die.

            The dealer raised his gun and fired. Once, twice, the gunshots rung out in the night. But I felt no pain. I could feel no warmth, nor could I smell the musty blood. Behind me, I could hear screams coming from some of the henchmen. It was then that I realized that the man did not intend to shoot me. For some reason or other, he shot some of the men that were holding me. I was released from the grasps of the other henchies, scared that they too would meet the fate of my beloved friend.

            Glaring at the dealer, he turned his head over to me. He did not raise the gun, didn’t pull out a knife. He didn’t make a move to attack me. Just to make sure that no one would come out and grab me, I took a good long look behind me.

            It was the worst mistake of my life. I still swear to it today. The drug dealer came up behind me while I was facing what I thought was my worst threat. When I turned back around to deal with the leader, all I can remember is a stabbing throb of pain as his fist hit my temple. I fell unconscious to the ground, not knowing if I would ever get up again.

            A few hours later I awoke lying in a pool of Alexia’s blood. The dealers were gone, still out there somewhere. The pounding headache I had told me I needed to get help from somewhere, or else there was a possibility that I would die.

            My mind wrestled with the decision. Do I stay with Alexia’s body, or do I go and get myself cleaned up and let the love of my life’s body here for someone else to find?

            All I could hear were faint vibrations coming from Alexia’s purse. I know that it is rude to look through a lady’s purse, but hers was within reach so that I could grab her cell phone. Luckily it had enough battery that I could call the number I needed to get the both of use help.

            It took the ambulance about ten minutes to get to the alleyway. It still had not hit me that Alexia was now nothing but a spirit; no longer here to comfort me in my time of need. As I was loaded into the ambulance, I took one last glance at the beautiful body staring at me with her blank, loving eyes. The eyes that just a few hours ago had been full of the zest of life.

            Even today, a year after the murder, every time that I think about her I can’t help but think of that stare of her pale, lifeless body. I wish with all my heart that I could bring her back… That night scarred me for life, so bad that I can’t even sleep at night without something there to remind me of her. I wish so bad that that night had never happened… And that it was all a dream… But all things must come to an end, and that night was to be Alexia’s fate.

            The love of my life is gone, but definitely not forgotten… The scars that have formed on me not only on the outside, but on the inside as well are still completely and fully out there… Every day, I pray and hope to God that He takes me soon so that I can once again be reunited with my love. Hoping and praying… It’s all I will ever do… Unfortunately I never get answered… He has taken away the most important things in my life… Why can’t he just take the last thing that I, for once, do not hold precious? God, take my life soon...