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The President of the United States, Ms. Stephenie Meyer

Short story By: yuu shindemura

Witness every teenagers' dream as their idolized lovely author of the famous Twilight Series, Stephenie Meyer, became the 45th president of the United States.

Submitted:Oct 15, 2009    Reads: 342    Comments: 13    Likes: 2   

In a callous world, year 2010, Ms. Stephenie Meyer succeeded Pres. Barack Obama as the 45th President of the United States…

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The President of the United States, Ms. Stephenie Meyer

Genre: Horror, Humor, Historical Fiction, Irony, Dystopia

NOTE: this short story is not and never meant to criticize or mock the American population and the whole world, but to state that the American, as well as the entire population, the whole World itself has fallen victims to these evil books which is the Twilight Series. Read and understand the whole tale; and you will see it's never meant for criticism or mockery. Mockery is different from 'the lulz' by the way, concerning this is historical fiction.

Note for its five main genres for these will be seen and read throughout the story.

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Back in year 2009, tensions and the greatest atrocity of mankind has ever faced, the twilight saga, rose into heaven-shattering strain between the insane fans, and the sane haters. Every crime was exposed, from pedophilia of 60-year old men against 16-year old teenagers, to bestiality of dogs and girls to even adolescents, where mothers who are addicted to Twilight wished for their husbands to be just like Edward Cullen and left their babies and children for finding the imperfection that their children were not half-vampires, where girls and teenagers never hope more than Edward Cullen to jump into the pages of the book and let him watch while they sleep, as well as thinking of getting pregnant while they are still in the age of adolescence is the greatest form of love to be given.

Worse, there are fans that committed crimes, murders, and attacked other people whom they found to have not taken a liking on the Twilight series. These fans attacked and assaulted and violated them, ranging from a simple slap, to the pulling of hair, beating, battering, to the use of baseball bats, threatening with a knife, a gun, and even sexual harassment, these crimes were made but not justified, especially the fact that the perpetrators are still teenagers, thus the crimes were only been dealt with the social services institution.

This was the scenario as formed in the year 2009 until in 2010, when Pres. Barack Obama was assassinated by a group of extremist twilight fans who dislike him for being moral, right and honorable.

Yet, the main reason of the crime was when Pres. Barack Obama had read Twilight and ordered for the cease of publishing along with the burning of the entire series. It was reported that Pres. Obama suffered from severe-dehydration due to excessive Loose-Bowel-Movement after reading the book, he also suffered from vertigo, vomiting, and also the reason of realizing the immoral aspects of the whole series placed him in a temporary seizure. The publishing of the books were stopped as soon as he recovered within two months, and it rose into a full-scale battle between the brainy and the brainless to have a meaningless civil war.

Days prior to the major book-burning, Obama was assassinated by twi-hard extremists who stormed in glitter costumes by stoning and beating him to death with apples and chessboards. There were also signs of strangulation as revealed by the red ribbons found on Obama's neck; and during his funeral, the late president received tulips for his grave. With his death, the civil war ceased with the Twitards taking the trophy.

Although it was ruled out to be a crime done by extreme teenage twilight fans, yet, it was not known or maybe it wasn't taken seriously by the House of the Senate and the other politicians, that the people who assassinated the late Pres. Obama were Twitards having "Severe Twilight Disorder" or known as STD's. Severe Twilight Disorder is a demonic pandemic mental disorder not yet found in any psychiatric books, but the evidences of the rampant worldwide cases of this particular mental disorder is something that doesn't need to be ruled-out by those types of studies.

The cases of the STD's mental disorder were dismissed shortly, mostly due to the undeterred cases which mostly involved teenagers who had done such an atrocity that even Lucifer himself had never even thought or even mentioned in the bible. As such, the politicians made the biggest erroneous decision of encouraging Stephenie Meyer to run as the president of the United States, it was so big and wrong, it was seen by the church, the anti-twilights, and the other people who realized it as the mankind's second-original sin, right after the time when Eve had accepted the apple from the serpent in the garden of Eden, had the politicians accepted the apple found in the front cover of the Twilight book is analogously true.

The reason stated for the made decision was due to the fact that Stephenie Meyer is dubbed as the most influential person in the modern world, as well as they thought she could change the world and encourage and inspire the teenagers to be very good people for the society.

Yes, Meyer did change the world a lot, but not in a progressing manner.

Being smart and educated politicians, they clearly haven't read the twilight saga, needless to say they didn't know how every cuss word can fit and be said into those books; chiefly they didn't know how wrong and foolish their decision was.

Stephenie Meyer never thought about being a president, since most presidents are magna cum laude, Harvard Graduates, had served the Vietnam War, some had even served the World War II, and of course, like George Washington, has led the glorious American Revolution; while she herself, with much truth to be told, is only a housewife.

The mass of teenagers roared and cried for her ascension of the presidential seat and for her glory and power; and with the help of their parents who supported her especially the mothers who also wanted Edward Cullen, they voted for Stephenie Meyer to become the 45th president. The votes of the massive fans of twilight were so enormous that it shrouded the tiny census of people who resent the series.

The rest of the events have raped and blinded Lady Justice and the horrific truth about what the teenagers have truly become to and for the society was locked into the realms of the abyss forever. What America and the whole world has realized, were soon to have been turned out all too late…

Succeeding as the president of the US in 2010, Stephenie Meyer made far changes in the whole economy of the U.S.A. She then noticed her power, with more given authority bestowed upon her, and herself being a lolcow already, her head and nose grew in length figuratively, even the horns. The very first thing she did after becoming a president was to resume the publishing of her books. This act made the whole fans not just in the America, but also the fans in the whole world to roar and appease her more, praised and worshipped her even more than any president with flawless records of presidency could have been hoping to be praised.

Being a president, Meyer now thought she could do anything, as such; she began writing inside her office while sitting on her president's chair, and was able to publish more of her works which she came up from her wet dreams. By the end of 2010, all of the bookstores as decreed in her Republic Act. 6969-666; were filled with her collection of writings as even more plotless and hornier than their predecessors, the twilight series.

Despite the plotless parts and constant redundancy of her writings, the books were nearly sold out and were statistically proven to be in-demand.

Meyer also made changes to the presidential properties, such as converting the whole White House into a twichurch or twilight-church and let alone the fact it was open for any twitards to have their meetings inside and talk of the endless redundancy of the Twilight books, as much as the newer, wetter, hornier stories their president has created. The white house was a perfect symbol for her of the twi-church since it is located in Washington, D.C, never mind the fact that it was painted white.

Another change was for The Pentagon's systems in the military. Meyer allowed young people or adolescents to be in the military service, even 12 year olds and 10's who are not entitled to receive driver's license yet, were able and allowed to pilot the military weapons like the F-22 Raptors, F-15 Strike Eagles, The McDonnell Douglas Apache Helicopters, as much as the ground bombardments, like the Abrams Tank for example. Even the call signs were not spared, Meyer ordered for their changes, like being called as the 2nd Bella Fleet, the 1st Edward Battalion, the 3rd Independent Jacob Fleet, as well as the 46th Seth Fleet, the 23rd Victoria Platoon, the 66th James core battalion, among other hilarious call signs.

Meyer also changed the color-scheme of the VC-25 or the well-known 'Air Force One' Boeing-747 from its Blue and White distinction, to its solid-black scheme with the apple-trademark on its vertical stabilizer or tail section, the white-queen chess piece on its fuselage's belly, the tulips on its nose, and the snapped red ribbon on its upper-wing sections. Some critics said it didn't display the U.S. Flag, however Meyer ditched the criticisms for she believed the aircraft is the prominent symbol of her presidency, power and authority.

Meyer also pushed her own beliefs to the society, such as abolishing the gay-rights in the US, in which during the past, she gave 10% of the Twilight book's profits to the church and other religious sectors who are against this certain right in helping to abolish it. Now, with her current power being the president, she was able to abolish it finally with one firm stroke of her very own signature of president's approval.

By the mid-2011, Meyer's power and face began to swell over the foreign countries. She didn't respect the idealisms of each country and pushed more of her beliefs, particularly her novels to be published and sold anywhere around the world, from outside the North America, to the neighboring countries, and even to the North and South poles where penguins deemed the population. Her novels, as how she writes them, were all based on how she feels, such as telling a teenager that an abusive lover is very romantic that he can literally make the girl's heart to stop; kissing a marble is very romantic, being watched while sleeping is very romantic, among other evilness written to the book's core. Writing with her own felicity of events in the story led to the famous creation of Bella Swan, everyone's whiny Mary-Sue character.

Meyer's presidency, as needless to say, the U.S. stock market did fall to the negative exponents' ratios and graphs. Yet, most teenagers didn't care, and even thought that Meyer's rule was the certain paradise for them. With more issues concerned about the deteriorating economy of the U.S. that even Nigeria is a lot more stable than the once mighty country, the United Nations issued her a warning for her presidential negligence, and with that, Meyer was forced to take action, but with even drastic results.

Following the United Nations' warning, she made changes to the economy of the America as well as the stock market to be flooded with Twilight merchandises and her other hornier novels. A month later, all of the food companies were forced to merge under the 'Twilight Saga' label which Meyer ordered and implemented. There were soon turned into 'Twilight Saga fresh milks and dairy products' 'Twilight Saga Cola' 'Twilight Saga Hotdogs' 'Twilight Saga Fresh Chickens and Poultry' 'Twilight Saga Formulated Milks best for Lochness babies' 'Twilight Saga Dairy Milk Chocolate' 'Twilight Saga Catsup' 'Twilight Saga Potato Chips' and more food products accentuated with the said label.

Not only that, but the whole Sunday was placed as the Twilight-Church rest day, and everyone was required to attend in the church for a minimum of 12 hours a day, talking and discussing over the characters of Twilight. To ease the boredom, Meyer ordered for legal fighting whenever one fan disagrees with the other, yet no one must say anything bad about the twilight saga.

With the 2011 on its near end, more of the 'Twilight Saga labels' rose to full wheels of motion.

There were Twilight Saga brands and shirts, Twilight Saga recording studios, Twilight Saga Malls, Twilight Saga Restaurants and Diners, Twilight Saga Banks, Twilight Saga Airlines, Twilight Saga Hotels, Twilight Saga Publishing Company, and soon, even skyscrapers, roads, gardens, tourist sites have been fashioned to have Twilight-related objects seen and found; such as in roads, the road signs of 'Slow Down' or 'No U-turn' have Twilight, new moon, Eclipse, and/or Breaking Dawn stickers and images near, or behind, or under the said road signs.

Schools and universities were packed with 'English-Grammar Twilight' 'Math Twilight' 'Science and Technology Twilight' and the newest subject, the 'Twilight Mythology'. College courses were offered with Bachelor Twilight programs, such as Bachelor of Twilight in Nursing, Bachelor of Twilight in Arts and Science, Bachelor of Twilight in Accountancy, even Bachelor of Twilight in Philosophy, and Bachelor of Twilight in Psychology and a lot more courses were offered.

Even machineries and appliances have the 'Twilight Saga' brands or labels on it, the 'Sony Twilight Saga Flat-TV' 'G.E. Twilight Saga Refrigerators' 'Philips Twilight Saga Bass Components' and even to the 'Mitsubishi Twilight Saga Evolution' 'Mercedes-Benz Twilight Saga CLK-GTR' 'BMW Twilight Saga Z8' and the 'Porsche Twilight Saga Carrera'.

Christmas of 2011 came; any novelties and gift items were all twilight-related objects, from toys to Edward-plushies, Bella-make-up kits and cosmetics, Jacob-doggie treats, Renesmee-Doll Houses with a miniature lake included, to the condoms and to inflatable sex-mannequin versions of each character.

By the eve of the New Year 2012, Meyer's feel of her power and pride surpassed even the highest heightened heavens and declared that all and everything in the world be exported with Twilight goods and merchandises, which means from the Cements and Construction tools, to the spare parts of the cars, to the food products and to the smallest part of a poodle's collar will all be having a Twilight Saga label.

In turn, most countries refused her insane order, but Meyer's army of teenagers all piloting sophisticated military equipment, as well as weapons of small guns to big rifles were dominating the other countries' defenses. Within hours, Meyer's twitard military have crashed and burned most cities of the foreign countries, including fighting their line of defenses. Despite the heroic efforts of the adults, comes the teenagers' mad bounty.

Japan, Philippines, Australia, New Zealand, Tajikistan, Egypt, Laos, Vietnam, China, Malaysia, Germany, Belgium, Austria, Holland, Brazil, well, most teenagers in every country revolted with their own military and caused more of the civil war chaos. Teens were psychologically powerful than the adults since most adults have the notion which they 'should not harm the adolescents'. As a result, there were sons and daughters who shoot their parents at point blank; teachers were slain, and tiny teenage girls welcomes the old, geriatric males who wanted to taste the young's flesh; more act of violences rose as the clock spun to midnight, making the start of the year 2012 to be as explosive and mayhem the world has ever witnessed. All this which led to the massacre had happened just for the twilight merchandises to arrive in their respected countries.

It was right to say that Meyer have been obsessed with her power as a president that she had stumped the world with her single foot with her fat legs connected.

"I am even more famous than William Shakespeare! And I am even more powerful than God Himself! I can even make anything I want in this world, thus I can do whatever I want with the vampires!" that was Meyer's cry with the voice of the millions, billions and trillions of teenagers roaring and rooting for her. Such a sight of cruelty for the world, rather than healing it, was one sight which even Michael Jackson was proud to have died as fortunate as not seeing the lunatic and horrific display of the teenagers' actions and mass execution for their elders.

With Meyer's ultimate decision, she ordered to have every adult who survived be executed or killed, which the twitards or the teenagers of different races always are willing to comply. Though they used to have minds, but upon reading the works of Stephenie Meyer have their minds came crashing down and ruthlessly attacking anyone who resents the Twilight series, and this time, they are nothing more than killing machines.

The last stand of the North Korean Army was the only resort left, it may not be the best choice, but it will be for the preservation of the morals and the preservation of their resentment for Stephenie Meyer. As the Twitards have forced through the control room of the North Korean Forces, their general with the president's approval deployed all of the nuclear missiles. The first half was launched towards the American Continent, while the other half was doomed to explode in their mother territory.

The nukes melted the entire Korean country, including its south which entirely deleted the Korea on the world map, meanwhile the remaining half of the nukes been lunched have failed to get through the American Defenses as the twitards have guarded.

Following the Korea's valor, Russia finally unleashed her full power: opening the entire hidden salvo of nuclear warheads as well as the fabled 'weather weaponry lightning strikers' and its iron curtains once again, Mother Russia has switched its ultimate attack towards the United States. The massive assault raided the entire military defense of Meyer, killing all twitards who were frontliners of the meaningless battle.

The Israel, with its final judgment, opened its hatches revealing the rumored underground Nuclear Facility. They detonated the whole facility after launching 10,000 nuclear warheads towards the United States.

With the Israel's wave following Russia's skirmish, Meyer's piggy cries of agony were unheard as all the nuclear weapons of Israel smashed and rampaged towards the American Continent, creating a volcanic burst of meltdown which heated up the Earth's mantle for volatile reaction.

There was so much meltdown created and radiation reacting, the mantle ignited and caused turbulent changes in the Earth's inner and outer cores, finally, with the loss of hope to the mankind, the grounds cracked and chipped with great fathoms and debris, making the Earth shattered to pieces across the space, flaring into brilliance the scarring molten rocks and frozen oceans after the ozone layer completely depleted from the pandemic impact, where from here, it created vacuum of air escaping in the atmosphere which compressed and helped the destruction of the Earth's surface.

Everything in the infested cruel world of dominated Twilight fans and Twilight atrocity ended exactly on January 01, 2012 at 2:19am; the same year as what the Aztecs and Mayans predicted to happen where the obliteration of the world is bound to be.

The End

NOTE: This two-hour (actually 2hours 19mins) long composition is UNEDITED since this is the only length of the waste of a time I can give to this story. Hence, don't mind the grammars and some flawed sentences but hey, most people never even mind Meyer's wrong grammars. Yet, even as short of a time as I have taken here to ponder and type, this is one story where 'plotholes didn't exist', and that's something a wasted two hours worth of making have accomplished, especially its 'epical ending' which just showed what 'epic battle' is.

NOTE #2: anything dreadful, that is terrifying to happen whether imaginative or not is considered as a horror; you can kindly inquire to Mr. Webster (Webster's Dictionary) for that information.

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The Earth's destruction sent random quantum signals throughout the universe, where alien life-forms were able to pick it up. Within a matter of moments from traveling, they arrived at the site where the Earth used to be. All they found were shattered debris of different kinds of matters and atoms that once belonged to the doomed planet.

Upon gathering samples for investigating what happened to the annihilated planet…

…an Alien Mothership picked up one of the Twilight copies…

…the entire Earth was indeed destroyed…

…but, the evil still lives.


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