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Rolling into Retirement

Article By: minusthematt
Humor


This is very old. I just came across it while looking through old USB drives. Probably from about 6 or 7 years ago (puts me at age 15-16). It's very silly...thought I'd just put it here :P It's maybe the tiniest bit embarrassing.


Submitted:Feb 21, 2012    Reads: 25    Comments: 2    Likes: 2   


Rolling into Retirement

With only a month passed since the hit song "Stop, Drop, and Roll those R's" began to finally make its way off most major hip-hop radio stations after a 5 month run of popularity, hip-hop sensation ¼ Cup of Milk has announced their retirement from the music industry.

¼ Cup of Milk will go down with only one hit song. "Stop, Drop, and Roll those R's" features a guest singer who goes by the name Paprika. The song starts with a simple bass and snare drum beat played by drummer Mattlicious while bassist lil' Darrell plays a single repeated note every 3 seconds. The song picks up when lil' Darrell yells "stop, drop, and roll those r's", which triggers guest singer Paprika into the songs first verse. While the other band members continue the exact same pattern of drums and bass, Paprika begins to recite lyrics full of the letter r, rolling her tongue every time. Her Spanish descent is very clear.

When the song reaches the first chorus, drummer Mattlicious get's a stroke of creativeness, and adds an extra hit on the snare drum to his beat. He is able to keep this beat until the chorus finishes, while Paprika sings "Your tongue is on fire. Stop, drop, and roll those r's". Lil' Darrell adds his own bit to this chorus as well, providing clever back-up vocals such as "roll em" and "it's so hot". The song continues on this pattern for 6 minutes, without once changing their flawless song design.

The members of ¼ Cup of Milk are considered to be geniuses for finding the talent of Paprika. They tell their story, "We already had these lyrics written out, but discovered neither of us could roll our r's. We found the first girl that looked Spanish, and we had a perfect fit." ¼ Cup of milk was lucky to find Paprika, or else lyrics such as "we really ate the rice" and "she said she wanted it, but still screamed rape" would have suffered due to the lack of rolled r's.

By looking at the rest of their album entitled "This isn't Even Hard", it's clear that their masterpiece song was way too good for them to even try any of other songs. Most of songs consist of real quick-paced talking mixed with the occasional hit of a cymbal. The album still went platinum, mainly because "Stop, Drop, and roll those R's" appears 3 separate times throughout (tracks 2, 6, and 8).

¼ Cup of Milk was apparently created with a vision: "We wanted to create one great song that everyone would get down to and hear at least 18 times a day on the radio, before it annoyed the entire world. We wanted to be a one hit wonder." It's clear that they succeeded and have established a universal formula for popular hip-hop songs to come. They can rest knowing they started a revolution, and have a large, deserved pile of cash.





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