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Twenty Funnies

Article By: Werewulf14
Humor


Funny things i've collected from the interwebz. Enjoy! :P


Submitted:Nov 24, 2009    Reads: 73    Comments: 1    Likes: 0   


Twenty Funnies


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.


Life is sexually transmitted.


Have you ever noticed that no one pays attention to reasonable people, but everyone pays attention to crazies?

5. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because uncle Jim, a few beers and a loaded shotgun are bad news.


Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'



13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?


14· The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.


15· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?


17· A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.

18· I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

19· A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'



20· Why do noses run and feet smell?





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