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Reasons i hate Twilight

Book review By: SnowTab
Humor


Tags: Mockery


The title says it all.


Submitted:Nov 15, 2009    Reads: 790    Comments: 6    Likes: 1   


Unless you've been living as a Neanderthal in a cave, you can hardly miss all the hoopla 'Twilight' has been generating in these few years.
I actually envy you if you don't know what it is because God knows how I would love to be that.
It's a book about a loner emo chick who comes to a town called 'forks' and falls in love with a retarded being who calls himself a vampire.
Sexy huh?
Wrong.
If you have been blessed with some common sense. You would probably find this book void of any real 'lurve' and some, once again, common sense.
First of all the protagonist whines. She moans and b*tches about making anybody drive crazy! Who cares if said person is ugly?! Who cares if the world isn't right?! Or the world doesn't understand whatever is going in your head?!
Nobody cares! She had the lowest self esteem ever. We constantly hear her complain about her Edward is so beautiful and how she is so plain!
NOBODY Cares!
And reading it persistently though out the book gives one a headache. Of course, the guys who were slobbering down to puddles of lust on her feet in the 1st book were blind.
Another thing worth mentioning is how we are given a view of Edward's ''perfect solid chest, soft lips, Pale skin every five pages or so.
I grew tired of reading this.
EDWARD'S PSYCHOTIC BEHAVIOUR:
In the first book (that's the only book I had read) Edward stares at her. Becomes increasingly frustrated with her for no apparent reason. Chastises her. Orders her not to do stuff. Watches her *gulp* sleep.
He doesn't even let her walk on her own. ''the hand on her waist'' bothered me constantly. What?! Why not make bella handicapped then?!
This isn't a perfect boyfriend. That's what I call a douche.
And I'm pretty sure he kept this behavior through out the other four novels and what is with the corny dialogues he kept saying?!
I remember one, '' just because I can't smell the wine…'' whatever. I can't even remember. Probably something dumb.
And another one in Eclipse, ''Listen to your heart…its fluttering like a hummingbird's wings,'' or something like that.
What in the name of all that is holy is this?!
And don't tell me its romantic dialogue or poetry or whatever. Because the next time, somebody tells you your heart is like a hummingbird's wings. I'll probably shit my pants.
BELLA'S HORMONAL IMBALANCE:
And the way how Bella just lets Edward get his way is outrageous. Hello! 21St century! Liberty! Feminism!
I have to admit that bella looked like a normal teenager when I started the book but slowly unfolded into a meek, timid and desperate girl who thinks she is in love because Edward is like so like totally hot!
Bella is ungrateful. If she would be in my school. We would probably call her a b*tch because that's exactly how she behaves. She doesn't respond to Daddy dearest trying attempts in conversation mocks others in a subtle manner but doesn't think her weird and unstable (almost unhealthy) relationship with Edward is worth any criticism. In fact she spent her time, criticizing herself over the entire wrong things in the whole fricking book!
She calls herself ''Responsible''. My dead goldfish is more responsible than her.
The self pondering through out the book is rubbish.
She doesn't care for anybody even though ''she is seen'' doing that. What a hypocrite.
In creating a perfect character, Meyer made Bella a monster. (I don't believe you when you say that you and Bella are alike-you shouldn't either.)
Oh she's a Mary sue.
LOVE?
I didn't find any love anywhere and please don't waste your breath in saying that people who hate twilight don't know any love or are gay.
WE'RE SMARTER THAN YOU.
And yes, I'm not mentioning those people, who read the book for fun, think it enjoyable but don't take it seriously. I'm referring to those people who are intensely devoted to this book; think it's way better than Harry potter and Meyer is the best thing that ever happened to this world.
Because that is pure BULL.
THE OTHERS:
Yes. The others who get two or three seconds of air time in this book before going away to do whatever they have to do.
Jacob black:
Personally I liked Jacob. I thought he was the only character who could actually exist in this world. Who had a head before he also flipped and turned into a raging lunatic by falling in love with the MARY SUE!
Why?! Did all the girls in the world disappeared or turned partially invisible for him to not see?!
Maybe he turned blind too.
And there was no reason for bella to hurt him more.
No reason at all but nooooo that monstrosity had to keep hurting people in order to make things ''right''.
Jacob turns into a mouth rapist. Haha. That was the last straw.
The other cast (Edward's family, the class fellows, and Jacob's people and Random people who popped in from time to time):
I've forgotten about them because they just appear and get no character development and disappear. Bella gets so much attention on her first day getting showered with niceness. Real people won't give a shit.
I liked Alice but Meyer obviously ignored all the interesting characters and moved on with all the face touching Bella and Eddy can muster.
PLOT:
Cliché. Nothing happens. Nothing happens in the 4 books. Absolutely nothing.
More touching. MORE CONVERSATION( 300 pages and nothing but touching and talking!) Boring flirting. More corny dialogues and this is the best selling book that is all the talk of the town.
And whenever the action gets started, things just go fllllllaaaaaaatttt. The climax never comes.
CONCLUSION:
Need I say more?
I was bored and wrote this.
So don't dream about becoming a super sparkly vamp who would fight with the super sexy werewolves aka shape shifters to save a lonely emo chick because that Is not happening. Grow up.
Oh the movie sucked. The girl who plays Bella looks stoned and the guy playing Ed looks drunk or constipated.
: D you go guys!
P.S:And for you lovely people out there who think that's love. Well for you all, I'll say…I don't even have any words for you.
Oh I totally expect lots of abuse coming in.: D…whatever. That was my point of view.




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