If I have one vote for Amazing Woman of the year, I am bypassing the political and social leaders and voting for a 27-year-old entrepreneur in Scranton, Pennsylvania who after being arrested and searched was found to have in her possession 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, prescription pills and $51.22. Oh, did I mention all this was confiscated from her vagina?
Knowing what you know now, can anyone doubt my vote for Amazing Woman of the year? Let me stress that my award is not based on intelligence or compassion. No, my award is based solely on performing feats that defy logic and common sense. When I read this story, my brain literally flipped inside my head as I tried to fathom this woman’s stupidity. Okay, I can see the reason why she had to hide both the full and empty heroin bags, and I can almost understand her fear about carrying the prescription drugs around, but I am at a loss to understand the $51.22. Even if she didn’t want drug money next to her real money in her wallet, couldn’t she just buy another coin purse? Was she planning on using this money again?
Do you know the weird thing about this story? You know, besides the fact that this woman pushed all this stuff up into her vagina? The weird thing is that she confessed that she was storing all these items to the police before they suspected her private parts were a medicine cabinet and -- as it turns out also -- an ATM. They detained her after a car accident. At the scene of the crash, they found three bags of heroin in her jacket. Yes, I guess when she ran out of room in those pockets, she decided her vagina would be the next most convenient place to store her drugs and money. I wonder if she has extra pockets up there for a cell phone and keys! The Police only got a doctor in there for a more in-depth search when she told them of her hidden treasures.
I’m sorry if I am being a bit crass, but stupid people bring out the worst in me. I think if one is going to hide merchandise up one’s “hoo-ha”, one should not spill the beans to the police. I could be wrong about this chick. Maybe she is not stupid; maybe she just had storage issues. I wouldn’t mind helping her pick out a more practical purse. Perhaps, I would suggest to her, since apparently she needs extra room, a nice tote bag. I’m sure she can get one in WalMart for a good price – maybe $51.22. I may be a bit judgmental here, but I wouldn’t want to be the cashier at the register when she gets ready to hand over her money.
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