Yesterday i flunked my second trial at obtaining a driving license in these forsaken desert land of a country called Kuwait (where i work, not where i am from) seems like my ten years of driving is not good enough for these camel riding -now rich all in cars- idiotic morons.
I failed my first time, because it's an unsaid rule that no foreigners pass from first go, afraid that it might be called as doing favors and such! OK, so i go, do my thing, drive and do what the examiner has instructed and fail with flying fuckin colors -note 1 to my fellow readers, i had somebody on the inside- that same somebody was able to secure me anther trial after 10 days -note 2, if you fail you need at least a month before trying again- and so i waited for my chance of getting that ever elusive, hardest fuckin thing achievable in this country -the shit piece plastic from hell card 'The Laisyn'- as the natives call it.
And so the anticipated day arrives, with words of prayers from the family, work and friends, as if i am going to war, promises that this time it is for sure; "I have talked to the guys myself, don't worry" said my contact on the inside, and with his fake words i felt a light breeze, hope shined weak, finally today, i will become a man.
Got into the car, went into the training area, and waited my turn, in the process got shifted from exam area to another three time, with each time, be becoming more gloomier, and the examiner more sadistic and non bearing -note 3, Ramadan, no coffee, no smoke, nothing- finally my turn, i gave him my card, and thinking to myself he should be giving me the easy test now, after all i had someone on the inside set things up, but did he; Fuck No, he gave the hardest test; parallel parking in -a fit your car only if you land it there space- did i fret, nope nor did i flinch, put on the waiting sign and started parking the car, let just say it wasn't the smoothest or best parked car, but it was parked, yet the goat drinking officer felt that couldn't suffice, and told me to go on my way (that's how i knew i failed)
On the outer brinks of hell, as i gradually approach a place of agony and misfortune and misery
i waited for the inevitable call, did i pass, or did i not? My gut feeling told me not, yet for some reason the guy with me trying being all optimistic and shit, saying maybe, who knows, maybe...well i freakin hate maybes; and true to my feel, i got the card back with the word 'Failed' on it, i felt like i am a kid waiting on his highschool grades, and couldn't make his parents proud.
There were guys i could tell that failed for the fifth or sixth time ( you have up till 10 times before you get reset all over), just because his salary is not good enough, or the job title was menial. Oh how they trumped the heart of men, so violently, so viciously; to satisfy their bruised -always wanting more- egos.
Yet i am a true believer in the 'what happens, does happen for a reason' motto, although i am yet to find out the reason, i stand my course on trying to get the license, or i will go back home, it's not even worth the humiliation of not having a car -note 4, i work in sales- If anything good came out of this ordeal, it would be, you reading this, either feeling my pain or laughing at it, most important is, i had fun writing it, and truly hope you had fun reading it
* Feeling Wookie: A state of barbaric anger with incoherent voice growls, due to frustration and too much Star Wars!