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Whacking Elmo by Harlowe Pilgrim

Whacking Elmo

By Harlowe Pilgrim

Okay, here’s the situation. You’ve got an iconic TV show to put together, and one of your lead actors has gotten himself in trouble with the law. He’s a huge part of the show, and you can’t live without him—but he’s in shit so deep you can’t live...

Essay | Updated May 15, 2013 | Reads: 52 | Comments: 0 | Likes: 1
Tags: elmo, adult, humor, funny, sesame, street, the, godfather

How To Not Be Socially Awkward

By Brucebow

Find out How To Not Be Socially Awkward.

Essay | Updated May 14, 2013 | Reads: 377 | Comments: 2 | Likes: 2
Tags: social, socially, awkward, teenagers, high, school, problems, bullying, bully, teen

The Next Big Thing In Fiction

By Lacy Cornwall

I'm worried for the next generation of writers, so I'm telling them right now what they need to write about.

Essay | Updated Apr 29, 2013 | Reads: 81 | Comments: 4 | Likes: 3

It's Enough To Piss Off The Pope by Harlowe Pilgrim

It's Enough To Piss Off The Pope

By Harlowe Pilgrim

It’s enough to piss off the Pope? Well if it is, it must be really, really bad. Most of the time, the Pope just turns the other cheek—in über Christ-like fashion. But he’s only human, so you know that sometimes, things get under even his skin. They push his buttons, ...

Essay | Updated Apr 2, 2013 | Reads: 52 | Comments: 0 | Likes: 1
Tags: pope, adult, humor, catholic, funny, religious, jokes, harlowe, pilgrim, upskirt, foot, fetish, priests

So Much Time, So Little Change (An Excerpt)

By Thomas Sullivan

The author attempts to find an old-school barber in a gentrifying neighborhood, but fails. He lands at a sleek modern salon that changes his notion of what constitutes a "good" haircut.

Essay | Updated Mar 22, 2013 | Reads: 28 | Comments: 0 | Likes: 0
Tags: humor, salon, barber, nonfiction, gentrification

Don't Eat Me Bad by Harlowe Pilgrim

Don't Eat Me Bad

By Harlowe Pilgrim

It’s a funny thing, being eaten alive.

Essay | Updated Mar 9, 2013 | Reads: 55 | Comments: 1 | Likes: 2
Tags: adult, humor, funny, shark, attack, blood, water, safety, jaws

I Am Not A Hero

By Sambelini

In an effort to write my autobiography, I was reduced to an essay on why no one should ever write my biography.

Essay | Updated Mar 6, 2013 | Reads: 119 | Comments: 0 | Likes: 0
Tags: thecontestmaker5

Feeling Flushed

By Dm Waite

How even the public bathroom is no longer a sacred place

Essay | Updated Feb 20, 2013 | Reads: 90 | Comments: 1 | Likes: 1

Quantified Suction: The Hoover Unit System And You by Pointy Little Head

Quantified Suction: The Hoover Unit System And You

By Pointy Little Head

Have you ever tried to explain to someone how much a particular experience sucked, but found that you lacked a common context in which to meaningfully share this information? Well the Federal Government has your back with this handy new metric system designed to let you understand exactly how mu...

Essay | Updated Feb 10, 2013 | Reads: 37 | Comments: 1 | Likes: 1
Tags: humor, joke, sucks

A Thoughtful (Sexist) Analysis Of The Age Old Question: Star Wars Or Star Trek by Pointy Little Head

A Thoughtful (Sexist) Analysis Of The Age Old Question: Star Wars Or Star Trek

By Pointy Little Head

This is my thoughtful (and apparently sexist) analysis of a debate that has been plaguing American society for decades. An issue that breeds a contention that has only been intensified since the dawn of the internet. That's right, what else could it be but Star Wars vs. Star Trek.

Essay | Updated Feb 10, 2013 | Reads: 49 | Comments: 2 | Likes: 0
Tags: humor, science, fiction, star, wars, star, trek, joke

Baby It's Friggin' Cold Outside by Harlowe Pilgrim

Baby It's Friggin' Cold Outside

By Harlowe Pilgrim

It’s so friggin’ cold outside, I can’t believe it. I caught a snowman trying to get into my house, so he could warm his snow-ass up.

Essay | Updated Feb 9, 2013 | Reads: 384 | Comments: 0 | Likes: 1
Tags: cold, weather, winter, adult, humor, funny, comedy, sex

Get Naked For Valentine's by Harlowe Pilgrim

Get Naked For Valentine's

By Harlowe Pilgrim

We know that much of the time, things come down to luck. Just pure, stupid-ass, roulette wheel luck. If you’re lucky in money, then you have a lot in life. If you’re not lucky in money, then to have a lot less is your lot in life. If you’re lucky in love, then your life...

Essay | Updated Jan 19, 2013 | Reads: 2,390 | Comments: 2 | Likes: 2
Tags: funny, valentine, humor, valentine's, day, sex, plan, comedy, champagne, naked, nude

DON'T LOOK - JUMP!

By Redskelf

My first parachuting experience.

Essay | Updated Jan 6, 2013 | Reads: 85 | Comments: 3 | Likes: 1
Tags: parachuting, sergeant, major

LMFAO (Laughing Mayans Fool Apocalypse Obsessed) by Harlowe Pilgrim

LMFAO (Laughing Mayans Fool Apocalypse Obsessed)

By Harlowe Pilgrim

All the Mayans in the underworld must be laughing their asses off. There's nothing like kissing your own sweet ass goodbye … only to turn around and kiss it hello again. Neither your lips nor your ass knows whether you're going, or coming. So, was that it? The End of Days?

Essay | Updated Dec 24, 2012 | Reads: 811 | Comments: 1 | Likes: 3
Tags: end, of, the, word, humor, adult, funny, comedy, rapture, sex, apocalypse, four, horsemen

Do Not Water Plants Before Taking Shower

By decorum620

Lesson learned about managing the usage of well water and showering.

Essay | Updated Dec 18, 2012 | Reads: 66 | Comments: 0 | Likes: 0
Tags: well, shower, water, soap, toothpaste, rabid


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