- Blasting songs that your parents don't like for any length of
time will not help your cause.
- Bars *waves hands* are bad.
- There is no such thing as messy, it's called organizationally
- Even if the voices aren't real they still have good ideas.
- Pushing people into bubbling mud pits and/or off the top of
buildings will not help your cause.
- Walking into doors/walls hurts. Avoid at all costs.
- You will never find your missing sock.
- Don't wash black and white laundry at the same time.
- Restraining orders are not always effective.
- Police departments do not give away straitjackets, even if
you know half of the officers there
- Mental hospitals do not give tours of the squishy room unless
you live there.
- Talking to yourself is allowed until you start having 2 sided
- Having conversations with song names (e.g. Stop Staring or
we'll have a Situation that's Far From Beautiful and we'll be Up
All Night and may be forced to Do It Deadly) is a good reason to
get your head checked.
- It is generally a bad idea to tell teachers who you like
- That guy you like will always walk in during the bad
conversations that can easily be taken out of context.
- Baseball umpires overshine their shoes.
- Cameron IS A BOY'S NAME!!!!
- Cameron moved to Holland and is not coming back and I need to
- Legos will not amuse the average 13 year old for ten hours.
- Your best friends will always look for your diary keys. Keep
- Inviting yourself to other people's parties is not good.
- After 21 comes 22, not 30.
- 23 comes after 22. This may be helpful to know for math
- Famous people don't check their emails.
- Whatever you are looking for (except your missing sock) is
probably somewhere in your locker at school.
- Using a lot of different sprays/gels/mousses in your hair may
cause your hair to smell good but you still shouldn't eat it.
- It is a really, really, really bad idea to run at the guy you
like screaming that you are hitchhiking to California, especially
after telling him his hair smells good. Please note you barely
talk to him.
- Your great grandma will talk forever given the chance.
- Learning to jump on horseback is not fun if you are 200+
miles from home, not expecting it, and are practically on the
side of a cliff.
- Don't waste post its- note cards and loose leaf are much more
fun to rip into small pieces!
- Screaming while on the phone is not a good idea.
- You will always be weirder than your neighbors.
- Repeatedly asking someone the same question may cause
- Listerine burns.
- Make-Your-Own-Root-Beer kits, however much the person meant
well, smell and taste like beer, and explode all over your best
- Monopoly is a play-to-win game. You play to win or you don't
- Spoons (it's a card game) may also get that way if playing
with my cousins.
- You will never meet them. (especially not at a bar *waves
- Chocolate covered gummy bears are substanciliciously awesome.
CJ may fight you for them.
- As awesome as CJ's guitar strap and guitar are, you can't
- Scuba Steph sounds better than Scuba Lauren.
- D-Rock does not actually love you.
- Brush your teeth.
- Biting people is bad.
- Jeff is crazy. Do not poke.
- Elmo watches you when you sleep.
- Rabbits bite. Said bites leave scars.
- Squirrels also bite.
- Don't play with your pet fish.
- You and your mom will never agree on your clothes
- You and your dad will not usually agree on the music in the
- Once the short bus decides it wants you to join it, it will
be everywhere (true story)
- Short busses have afterburners.
- They can also disguise themselves (those last two and this
one are non-explainable, sorry)
- There is only ONE 'r' in 'romance', thus...it is not
pronounced roar-mance. Sorry, CJ
- Not all New Yorkers have New York accents. Push Play, for
- Do not annoy the author-she may put you in a book and kill
- There is no possible way to avoid 'In my day...' stories.
- Your boyfriend/girlfriend will always see those random bad
- When making timelines for school, don't let the teacher hang
them up in the hall, especially not if you look bad in most of
the photos and/or you have baby pictures on them.
- Singing while you write is hard to do- do not attempt.
Especially not while doing homework or your teacher may find
themselves reading song lyrics instead of that three page essay
you were supposed to write.
- REAL campfires DO NOT turn off. That requires water.
- Obsessively writing strange song verses on your notebooks may
be a good reason to see a professional.
- I do not answer my cell phone.
- Most girls have an embarrassing flower girl story (at least
at my school)
- Dana's mom does not approve of strapless dresses.
- Don't die blonde hair blue without bleaching the part that's
going to be blue first.
- Repeatedly asking for something will not get it.
- Hamsters are easily confused and can easily be taught to hide
in shoes or closets.
- Who says you can't go home?
- You will never live down the stupid things you did as a
- Peteranswers.com does NOT actually read your mind.
- Having three hour conversations about nanny cams is a good
reason to get your head checked.
- Staying up for 32 hours straight is bad.
- Write nicely on the ISAT and AP tests.
- When stunting for cheerleading, have someone you know
backspot for you until you're up in at least a half, then let
someone that knows what they're doing take over
- If Dana is backspotting, consider yourself dead.
- Hannah Montana has no talent (And I'm prepared for the hate
- The Jonas Brothers will not give you their iPhones (Don't
- Nick Jonas is on spiked Powerade. Then Joe tried to suffocate
me. (PS Jonas Brothers, if you're randomly somehow reading this,
you had to be there.)
- If you have five+ cats you're probablycrazy.
- Multimedia events consist of more than a bed sheet and a
slide projector (at least according to Veggie Tales)
- Cebus are not real.
- Larry will never find his hairbrush.
- Teachers actually really don't live at school.
- No one can remember anything good that happened in
- Anything you find funny will generally not be amusing to your
- Jaguar dealers will not give you the big shiny jaguar in
front of the dealership.
- Don't get pizza from Wu's oriental buffet
- If you give a baby a shiny object, they will spit up on it.
- Use caution when shouting at the TV during a basketball game-
the players apparently can hear you (according to my cousin.)
- No one in their right mind has heard of Bill Murray. (I stand
corrected on this one-everyone has heard of Bill Murray except
- It is a bad idea to get Windex in your eye.
- Monkeys don't actually buy movie tickets for you, they go to
- Dropping toothpaste all over the carpet is a bad idea,
especially if the carpet is white.
- Dropping your cell phone down a flight of stairs may not
cause it to break but should be avoided
- For the safety of yourself and others, do not attempt to run
- When TP'ing and/or leaving signs in someone's yard, do so
AFTER DARK and be ready to get out of the car, do what you need
to do, and leave. Sitting in front of the house may attract
- There IS a such thing as a Hot Dog Nazi, they are found at
racetracks near my house during thunderstorms
- There actually IS real food at nursing homes
- Always say hello to Dex, the yellow pages guy
- It's a MANGIRL not a he-she
- Running in to and/or out of a bank looks suspicious
- Especially if you're wearing black
- If you're going to hide something, make sure you can find it
- If someone tells you to go east, and points in a direction
other than east, do NOT follow their directions
- Do not take small children to see the Dark Knight
- When you're babysitting and the parents say to put the kids
to bed "whenever," that does NOT mean midnight or later.
- Telling your cousin's fiance that you think your little
brother is annoying, especially whenyour brother'sstanding right
there, will NOT help the problem.
- If you're going to dogsit someone's dog, make sure they give
you the right code for their alarm. It doesn't go well otherwise.
- That 'ask and you shall recieve' thing? Doesn't work.
- Swim meets in the rain suck.
- Yelling at someone is 110 times more efficient if your voice
doesn't break mid sentence.
- Microwaving string cheese makes it taste funny
- It's physically impossible to make a microwave smell good
- It's a bad idea to have caffiene right before bad
- It's generally a bad idea to like the same guy as your best
- Summer reading books for school always suck, without fail
- Your parents will call and check your story.
- Adding extra chocolate chips to brownie mix doesn't always
make them taste better.
- It's a good idea to remember to let the dog out.
- The proper term is transvestite.
- Nothing on your to do list will actually ever get done. Do it
while you're thinking about it.
- Bringing small starving bands food will get you new best
friends, even if it's only Kool Aid Jammers.
- It's a very bad idea to wait till 3 am to do your final
- Make sure your four page essay is saved before you close it.
- Reading this list will not solve every single one of your
problems. However, you may learn something.
- If it's too good to be true, it probably is.
- Sending someone six-text text messages is a little bit
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