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What I Learned In Precalc This Year

Essay By: swimFire
Humor



My math teacher probably taught about six lessons the entire semester, and since I'm awful at math, I couldn't go home and figure out any of it on my own. He's been teaching at my school since God said "Let there be light!", so we can't really do anything about him, so I just made a list about everything I learned in that class.


Submitted:Dec 18, 2010    Reads: 439    Comments: 3    Likes: 1   


This year in precalc, I learned...

  1. The one day you don't do any of your homework, and it's a packet, so you can't even show him the wrong date, he'll check it before going over it in class. And he'll make it worth three homework assignments.
  2. It's possible to make a 2 look like an A, a Y look like a 4, an X look like a 1, a Z look like a 5, a 4 look like a Y, etc.
  3. Asking a question is a complete inconvenience, and no matter how fair of a question it is, he will go out of his way to make you look stupid.
  4. I can fall asleep anywhere.
  5. It's entirely possible to sleep through class and be marked as conscientious on your report card.
  6. The only things you've written in your notebook all year are stupid things your teacher's said and occasionally half a problem when you can read it, but it usually ends up reading something like "5x^6 + 6 unreadable scribble = 9 unreadable scribble ^9 + (could potentially say -) 5 (which might also be a 7)" Complete with "Unreadable scribble" and parenthetical notations.
  7. "ONE!" is a perfectly acceptable answer to "Does the graph move left or right?"
  8. That my precalc teacher must've taught first grade math at some point, because I walked into a guy at Six Flags once who was talking to his wife and he said 'I spent ten, you spent ten, that's 40 bucks right there!'
  9. If you get enough people to ask enough questions that anyone else that's actually had a competent precalc teacher all year would know, he'll make your quiz a take home quiz, and you can Google all the answers, thus miraculously getting a passable grade on it, and thereby not fail the class.
  10. It's possible to spend 3 days going over the same 24ishhomework problems.
  11. Wanted posters have linear functions on them. "If I walk into a post office and see a wanted poster with a linear function on it, how do I know it's real?"
  12. You can throw up to 3 pencils at someone and have them land on that person's back, but they won't wake up until the 4th pencil.
  13. It's okay to do the wrong problems. They also don't even have to be close to each other."Oh, well, here, I did 19 instead of 6."
  14. It's also okay to make up your own problems. "Well, I put in a 5 instead of a 7… it comes out neater."
  15. Also, you're supposed to know that typo on the finals study guide was a typo "Well, this should've been an X, I typed it wrong, that's why yours is wrong. It should say Z, see how it's lined up with the other Z's?"
  16. Review? Never. "You should've learned that last year, we're not going to waste time reviewing."
  17. I can write small enough to fit somewhere between 2-4 songs on 1 sheet of loose leaf.
  18. "350 times 4 is what? It's less than 100." Actually, it's 1400. Which is of course, much less than 100.
  19. More than ten people can sleep through a class and it's entirely possible he won't notice.
  20. How exciting it is to have a sub.
  21. How telling a sub you haven't learned anything all year and it's therefore fantastic she's a math major because she can maybe explain it to you is like telling someone you're in an abusive relationship. "That's not funny, you guys can really get someone in trouble saying that. Don't say things like that!"
  22. I didn't even have to be in this class. Apparently precalc is an elective. However, colleges want 4 years of math, so here I am.
  23. And because I've got my 4 years of math in, I don't have to take a math class next year…so guess who's counselor guilted them into taking Finite? THIS GIRL'S!
  24. I learned 16+ ways to sleep without leaving any red marks onmy face.
  25. I learned to be thankful for my math teacher neighbor.
  26. And my cousin I really don't like, but her and her boyfriend are both math geniuses, so…
  27. The finals schedule for an 8 period day is "3 tomorrow, 3 Thursday, and so far I've only got the first2 periods written for Friday."
  28. The kid behind me I've talked to maybe six times is occasionally nice enough to poke me when I'm snoring.
  29. It's entirely possible for your teacher to go all semester and not know your name.
  30. Or for him to think the kid three seats behind you and over one prefers Alexander over Alex.
  31. In every class, there will always be those 2-3 kids who just ask the stupidest/most random questions EVER and wouldn't DREAM of sleeping through a class.
  32. Teachers like Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller's Day Off do exist. "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"
  33. Colleges prefer A's to B's and C's.
  34. Squares. "They're the same length on all 4 sides. They can be 1x1, 2x2, 3x3, 4x4, 5x5, even 6x6."
  35. It's possible to wear something plaid/striped EVERY SINGLE DAY of the semester. This is a lot less cool than your AP US History teacher not wearing the same tie twice.
  36. Preschoolers aren't the only ones who get a naptime. But 48 minutes is nowhere near enough. Especially right after/before newspaper deadlines.
  37. That "It kind of looks like a 7, because it is, I guess.."
  38. Graphing calculators can make graphs.
  39. Not many things make me cry. I stopped talking to 3 of my best friends over the summer and cried for maybe 10 minutes, not counting the entire argument that caused it to be 5 months yesterday since we've even looked at each other. My precalc homework, however, has reduced me to tears countless times.
  40. There are teachers who accept homework a week late, give full credit, and are completely oblivious to the fact it's late.
  41. The answer to (X+3)=0 is 3, not -3.
  42. You can walk in up to 25 minutes late daily and he won't care at all.
  43. Also, you can get up and leave whenever you damn well please.
  44. I learned how to solve for X "How do we solve for X? Anybody? Anybody? We solve for X by….Anyone? By solving for Y! How do we solve for Y? Anybody? Anybody?"
  45. You know, 'you know' can be, you know, every other 2 words, you know, out of someone's mouth, you know?
  46. Also, you know, 'right,' isn't just, you know, something teenagers, you know, say all the time, right?
  47. It looks absolutely awful. to dye your hair blonde but leave your mustache and eyebrows gray.
  48. That bouncing up and down on your toes uncomfortably whenever you have to actually teach is super distracting and very annoying.
  49. Precalc study hall when it comes to getting stuff done. So if nothing else, I was reminded how to use a greater than/less than or equal to sign.
  50. Corporations do matrices ("All the time! By hand!") to take inventory. "So they take the number of peanut butter brands they have in 1 column, you know, right, and then how many jars, you know, they sold, you know, right, and then how many jelly brands they have, but only the ones that also make, you know, peanut butter, right…"

see the rest on imaccidentprone.tumblr.com





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