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TASSIE BOGAN TOURS PRESENTS CLARENDONVALE

Miscellaneous By: Adam G Taylor
Humor


A Tourist guide to Hobart's premier bogan melting pot...


Submitted:Dec 23, 2012    Reads: 42    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   



Name: TASSIE BOGAN TOURS PRESENTS CLARENDONVALE- THE UNDISCOVERED PARADISE Category: Common Interest - Travel Description:
Bogan Tours presents Clarendonvale- The undiscovered paradise from whose bourn, no traveller returns...

Population: 5,672
Mullets: 5,600
Ethnic Groups; Convict Strain 98% Other assorted White Trash 2%
Chief Religion: Piss and Ciggies 100%
Major Exports: Stubbie beercan holders, Holden shitboxes,illegitimate kids, surplus heads, shoulder chips, backyard bongs, suspicious packages, arcade games
Pets; Dogs (Mainly vicious and mainly Rotweillers with those kinky spiked,bondage collars around thier neck to attract doqs of same-sex orientation)
Topography; Valley basin with rolling hills replete with dead grass (which also can be recycled has a current street value of $25 a pop)
Government Type: Bogan Autocracy

History: Early tribes of a primitive species known as Homo Mulletus(Long-mained males who suspiciously travel in pairs) roamed the area. In 1978, using 18th century blueprints for Port Arthur and Port Macquarie- most of whose descendants now live here, A permanent settlement was established. Clarendonvale now boasts the most dole-recipients per capita than any other convict colony...ah, suburb.
Just a 2-minute BMX bikeride from the equally mullet-worthy suburb of Rokeby, this bogan basin quickly became the drug and drinking capital of Hobart during the late 70s RUMRUSH, and is now drinking its way into the 21st century with undignified aplomb.



Places To Visit: The Clarendon Vale Gay Bar..Sorry, typo-
Milk bar!
Clarendonvale Primary School
Telstra Phone Box on Bradman St- The
Most Heavily Caged Phone Box in the
Southern Hemisphere

THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GO...

Local Government Warning from the Premier of TAS

"Tasmania is so densely populated with bogans, there are now fears that within the next 5 years, every suburb, municipality and township will be unified into a single totalitarian Bogan state- like the former Soviet Union.
A BSR (Bogan Socialist Republic) with Glenorchy as its capital city, seems inevitable unless the state's population is increased tenfold with the integration of different cultures.
This initiative would open the minds of these people and in doing so, mitigate their severity and hopefully, help them let go of their brutal convict heritage "

The Premier
with Snr Cnst Braddon (Hobart Police)
Office: Office 4, Keith Clarendon Towers, Bradman Street

Recent News;

RESIDENTS STILL YET TO DECIDE ON STATUE IN PARK- ANGRY ANDERSON, MARK 'CHOPPER' REID OR 'LARRIKIN' VDL CANNIBAL ALEXANDER PEARCE

Who do you think should be immortalised in concrete mix?
Piss up your thoughts against our Clarendonvale wall...

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