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a conversation with George Carlin

Miscellaneous By: brucek

this is for Spring Sun's challenge!

Submitted:Jul 6, 2013    Reads: 29    Comments: 5    Likes: 3   

If I could spend time with anyone, living or dead, and enjoy any activity i wanted with them, I think I would take George Carlin to a baseball game. I wouldn't talk about anything specific with him, I'd just relax, watch the game, and let the conversation wander where it may. I'd revel in his unique observations and opinions about baseball, and also about life. I've always felt he passed away far too soon, and still had so much more to share with us.

I can imagine him saying something like, "Ya know Bruce, baseball is a lot like life."

"Oh yeah? How so?" I'd reply.

"Well, look at all those assholes down there, running around in circles. Isn't that what we're doing 99% of the time? Acting like assholes and running around in circles?"

"Damn George, that's pretty harsh. I don't think of myself as an asshole."

"That's because you're not an asshole, you're a schmuck. It's a subtle difference."

"Oh, now I feel a lot better."

"Don't sweat it Bruce, it was a compliment. Holy Christ, don't the beer vendors ever make it over to the cheap seats? Hey buddy! Over here, two beers and two hot dogs!"

"Hey, thanks George!"

"No problem guy, you're paying. After all, I'm a celebrity."

"Um, okay."

"You see? You're a schmuck. Damn Bruce, I was joking! It's on me. Who in the hell is playing, anyway?"

"It's the White Sox and the Yankees. We're up 3 to 2."

"Okay, somebody is 'up'. And I don't know who you mean by 'we.' English is a wonderful language Bruce, you should try using it."

"Well George, by my reckoning, the White Sox of the city of Chicago, Illinois, have had three base runners reach home plate, whereas the Yankees of the city of New York, New York, have had only two base runners reach home plate, resulting in a deficit of one run. Consequently, should the score remain the same at the end of nine innings of play, the White Sox of the city of Chicago, Illinois, will have won the game."

"You really are a schmuck, aren't you?"

"No George, just now I was being an asshole."

"Right. Go Yankees!"

"Screw you, George! Go White Sox!"


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