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Clu Les Wunn writes a letter

Miscellaneous By: brucek

WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! The following piece is in extremely bad taste! in no way does it reflect my attitude about women. some of my very favorite humans on this earth are women, and they are all good, kind, intelligent people. the fact that they'd all hang me from a lamp post if they read this is beside the point. but when a guy hasn't written anything decent in two weeks, sometimes he has to resort to writing something indecent. if you want to throw eggs at my house, i'll understand. could you make them hard boiled please? thanks.

Submitted:May 21, 2013    Reads: 19    Comments: 6    Likes: 4   

Dear Sirs,

While reading the July issue of "Robust Man" magazine, I came across an advertisement in your classified section regarding mail order brides. It just so happens that I'm a bachelor, and I have been thinking of getting married for some time now. I have to admit, I am not overly familiar with the process of ordering a bride through the mail, but if it is as easy as you claim, I am willing to send you the amount requested and place my order. Before I do, however, I have a few concerns.

First, let me say that I don't need to exchange any correspondence with the young lady. I'm sure if you take sufficient care in addressing my preferences, I can trust your judgment in making a selection. However, I am concerned somewhat about the method of shipment. I want my future bride to be as comfortable as possible while in transit. It is, of course, paramount the crate have sufficient air holes. Also, I must insist that you supply her with bedding, pillows, and an ample amount of food and water for the journey. I have to admit, I find it a bit unusual that you will be mailing her to me, but if that is the way these things are done, I want to make sure that everything is as pleasant as possible for her.

As far as the particulars of my wife-to-be, please refer to the following list:

1. I am not overly concerned about size and shape. I'm assuming if you can fit her into the crate, she will be acceptable.

2. Please show her my enclosed photograph. If her reaction to my appearance is violently negative, please make another selection.

3. I would prefer her to speak English, but that isn't a necessity. I will provide on the job training.

4. Should she arrive in poor health, I will attempt to determine if the illness was caused by the journey, or if it was a chronic condition. An enclosed copy of her medical and dental records would be invaluable, should I decide to return her.

In conclusion, I trust that when you say you'll be using "express" mail, she will arrive in 2-3 days. I am most eager to meet her and begin my new life. Thank you in advance for all of your efforts.


C. L. Wunn


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