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humorous sweepings (old notebooks)

Miscellaneous By: brucek

sweeping up the little stuff from my humor notebook. enjoy or be offended, either way.

Submitted:May 28, 2011    Reads: 49    Comments: 5    Likes: 3   

There once was a mister named Joe

Who lived quite a long time ago

And right from the start

He was a boring old fart

So his story just never got told.


Jack and Jill went up the hill

To retch in a pail of water.

Jack fell down and kicked a clown

And Jill succumbed right after.


Always hold the door open for a lady. Especially when she is carrying your luggage.

Always take your hat off when you're indoors. If the roof leaks, put it back on.

Always stand up when a lady enters the room. You get a better look at her that way.

Always look both ways before jaywalking. Sometimes cops are hard to spot.

Never be rude to a lady if she just ripped the door off your car.


It's never too late when you don't know what time it is.

You can lead a horse to water, but he'll never do the backstroke.

You can lead an elephant to water, but you can't push him in.


My dreams don't have very much significance for me. For some reason everyone is always speaking Japanese and I can never quite grasp what's going on.

Do light bulbs ever really have any good ideas or are they just putting us on?

How would a blind man drive a car? Would he hang out of the door tapping his cane on the street? Maybe he'd hook a team of seeing eye dogs to the bumper. Why isn't there a manual?

Baseball was originally intended to be a board game, but once they laid down the bases, there was no place left to put the pitchers mound.

We all have our own sacred quests. Some have searched for the holy grail. I'd be happy just to find a few of my lost socks. A bit ambitious I know, but still........

To hell with the universe, I'd rather shoot craps with Brooklyn.

Fifteen miles into the cross-country race fatigue overcame him. Rene Fatigue went on to set a new course record.


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