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I Was Held Accountable For First Degree BullShit

Miscellaneous By: Cyril L Aurelga

Damascus Hazel is caught smoking weed on campus, little does this description know he's as cunning as he is atheistic.

Submitted:Sep 25, 2012    Reads: 14    Comments: 1    Likes: 0   

I Was Held Accountable For First Degree BULLSHIT
by Lucracy
I sat there, longing to go home. Longing to see Lya. Longing to
be relieved of this. But, as it turned out, being caught smoking on school
campus drained my permanent record of ANY vestiges. This also sent me
away from the town and into court. Though I must pay attention, as my
the school's lawyer has just presented the case.
"This case is brought up over the legal betrayal of the school laws, as well
as the moral oath taken by the parent/guardian when admitted into the
O. Bin Laden Highschool."
I'm still getting used to the school being renamed after that football
"Mr. Hazel, how do you plea?"
"Yes sir, I was having a tough time today, because my History teacher had
signed me up for an advanced course without my prior knowledge," I said.
"Is that al-"
"Please let me finish, sir. And this made me angry."
They all just stared at me.
"Well?" I asked.
"Is that all?"
"All of what?" I asked.
"Your reasonin-"
"And then, out of nowhere, I got punched out by this Senior."
"... is that all?"
"Well, as a first offense, these actions would have been dismissed, but
under the case matter, the use of drugs on school grounds is a suspension."
I didn't understand. So I put my High Honors in acting to use.
"Sir, may I take to the stand?"
"I will allow this."
"Alright. Sir, have you ever partook in cannabis?"
"Well, yes, bu-"
"You heard him, take him away!"
Several armed guards took the judge by the arms and escorted him out of
the room.
"Alright, so until he's out of jail in the required 60 Months. I, Damascus
Hazel, shall take the job of judge."
The jury just sat there, dumbstruck and the soliciters just meddled to each
other. The steinographer sat up.
"... um, kid-"
"Take her away too, and until lunch, my dog, Hitler, shall be the
"Awwww...okay, so as my case was presented, the smoking was illegal
and charged to the fullest punishment, however, given the first offense,
the suspension is nullified, and I will only be charged with 8 hours
community service to be done on June 6th, 2014, on my 18th birthday
when I am legally able to testify in a real court setting. Intermission is
now begun.
The red-faced lawyer stood up angrily.
"Mr. Hazel, this is ridiculu-"
"That's enough outta' you jibbletits! Who's up for Subway!?"
"(in unison) WOOOOOO!"
"Case paused until 3:30P.M., please do not defecate in your chairs on the
way out...especially you, Hitler,"


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