You know sexy sexy Paul McHenry? Well, I was down in the canteen yapping away to Lisa from accounts and in he walks with his sexy jeans perfectly moulded to that tight arse of his. He looks straight at me and asks can he use my phone. My PHONE? MINE not Lisa’s – MINE! So of course I hand it over immediately, my face turning scarlet. He just wants to send a text message, he says. So there’s me thinking all is grand, floating on air and all that, when he starts flicking through the phone. Looking at pics, messages? I don’t know. My palms start sweating cos I have all those pictures of his bum that I take on the sly in the office. And those pictures from the night out when he flashed his chest – PHOAR!! So I’m shitting myself thinking he’s gonna look through the bloody pictures and think I’m a stalker. Which lets face it I AM! So I just grab the fecking thing out of his hand and shout “actually no, you can’t use it, get some credit for your own phone you scab”. And I leg it out of the canteen – MORTO!
That’s my Friday night plan of getting drunk and throwing myself at him gone out the window. Now he just thinks I’m a mean, tight fisted psycho. He’ll never look at me again, or ask for a lend of my phone even. I think I’m going to cry….
PS. I love those shoes from ASOS – so buying them with my next bonus!!