the thig was once a man that had a crazy and mysterious past that partly involved hiding inside a cat and eating a human jelly, a past that, little did he know was soon to catch up with him.
the thig sat on his house and contemplated life. it's hair was blowing in the wind and the moment he had been dreading had finally arrived, for it was the day that had been written about in ancient scriptures and mothers scared there children with, for today was rent day and the building manager was allowed out of the cast lorn box that served as his prison and reaped havoc on all the land. the rent was only collected once every ten thousand years and last time the land had taken nearly half that time to recover.
the grand emperor was pacing, his long pointed shoes often got to the end of the room before he did, he was looking over the kingdoms accounts and he was not happy. no matter how many times he tried to add the numbers up they always came to the same conclusion, "well seventy nine plus the inland raiding money and the hugely exorbitant taxes means that we have... exactly.... Chancellor how much is in the penny jar?" "half a pig and a human skull milord" "good that's fantastic that puts us up ninety three so that leaves us... with.... are you sure that's it?" the Chancellor sighed and muttered "washed up old muttermuttermuttermutter alien race muttermuttermuttermutter document melter muttermuttermutter.....yes that is defiantly all there is in the national piggy bank" "but Chancellor that means the country only has half a pig and a human skull to pay the rent with were doomed!!"
as the thig looked out of the window he found a strange sight climbing up the hill, this particular strange sight was small and round and white rather like an aspirin. which he guessed was ok since if it was large lumpy and grey it would be an elephant. as the sight came over the hill it stopped and cracked in two and out stepped the grand emperor and the chancellor stepped out and walked towards him thig sighed and opened the front door and stepped out side. when the emperor caught sight of him he drew the long spear quickly ran behind a rock, and shouted "knock knock....."
thig replied "who's there"
"me" said the grand emperor
"me who" "come on isn't it obvious I'm wearing a crown that's six feet high for god sakes!"
"so you are, but that's beside the point, why have you interrupted my peace and quiet ?", the grand emperor sighed and sat down, "the time has come once again for the evil of the rent man to ride again on his giant face of death and this kingdom has not money to pay him with, so that is why we need your help. only you can help us now."
at this the thig thought long and hard, in fact he thought so hard that he sat on the grass next to the grand emperor and fell through the hill, after he realized that actually that was impossible he quickly rectified the situation then he thought some more and finally came to a conclusion "that makes no sense at all, as you can see i am extremely poor hairy man, otherwise i would not be forced to live in a brick on a stick would i you pleb. how on earth am i meant to pay for a whole kingdoms rent?" "oh" said the emperor "i assumed that since i live in a massive castle and have no money and you live in a frankly ridiculous house and therefor that you must be extremely rich." "I see, from my short but detailed analysis of you i have come to a conclusion"
" yes,what is it" said the emperor with great enthusiasm
" your and idiot"
"oh really, i hadn't noticed but now you come to mention it i am rather aren't i hahahhahahahahahhahhhahhahahh, but either way i need you to come with me" at which he threw the spear. As it flew the spear broke up into twenty pieces and each of those turned into little wooden man who proceeded to sing a selection of show tunes "Hmmm...did you mean to do that or was it an accident" said thig pointing at the tiny amateur theatrics that was taking place . and as the thig was distracted the emperor snuck up behind him and caught him in a sack and ran off in t the distance. a few minuets later he realized that he was gong in the wrongdirection and turned around and ran the other way.