"B&G Medical Center"*
"Hello good people, hopefully in urgent need of immediate medical treatment; or needing to do something about a deformity; be it facially or bodily. I'm Dr. Mel Practice, just one of the highly-trained crack-head team of wealth-seeking doctors here at B&G Medical Center. If you've been horribly injured in anything from a parachuting to farming accident, B&G Medical Center is the place to come. We will fix you up, or at least cosmetically hide your injury. Let's say you had your arm severed in a farm thresher machine accident, and what's left of your arm is now fertilizing the back 40. At B&G Medical Center we'll fashion you a new one, using a c-clamp, a coat hanger, and skin taken from your back. That innovative thinking is just one example of our creative medicine. Or, if you're sick of derogatory, rude comments about your butt-ugly face looking much like the behind of a baboon, our cosmetics team of experts will reshape your face into something resembling human features (ladies, also great for making your breasts look bigger than the Hindenburg, before it went up (or down) in flames). So whatever is your medical problem, come see us at B&G Medical Center. "No Matter What's Your Problem, We'll Fix You Good!"
Our Medical Staff:
General Physician: Staff-Infection Sergeant Rock P. Scissors USCS (United States Combat Service) Ret.
Cosmetic Surgeon: Dr. Cornelius Hack
Nurse: Nancy Pontoons
*Blood and Guts Medical is owned and operated by Hack Saw Medical