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Binge Beer

By: Mike Stevens

Page 1, a fake ad for a golden brew

“Looking for a quick, cheap way to get all bent out of shape? Have we got the perfect brew for you! Proudly we introduce Binge Beer*. It’s the latest screw-you-up-quick beverage from the makers of Straight-To-The-Gutter Wines, the Hammer Time Corporation. We know you could give a crap how it tastes, or about the color. The only two things you care about are how quickly it messes you up, and is the swill affordable? We don’t claim to use the finest ingredients, or put a ‘born on’ date on the label. Instead, we think we’ve come up with an ingenious invention that you, Mr., Mrs., or Miss Wasteoid will find much more useful. On our label you’ll find the ‘Hammer-Factor’ of our beer; IE: How much alcohol is in each beer, multiplied by a six-pack, then multiplied again by how long it takes the average beer-drinker to consume the six-pack, with a funnel. We also pre-strain our beer through a loaf of bread to filter out most of the harmful chunks. So all you are left with is pure guzzling pleasure!**

*Warning: the Surgeon General has concluded that Binge drinking is harmful, and often fatal! Please, the Hammer Time Corporation urges you to drink in moderation

**Now, when you buy one case of Binge Beer, receive a second case for just .99 cents more!

© Copyright 2014Mike Stevens All rights reserved. Mike Stevens has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on Booksie.com.

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