Genital Saw Mills
'Spoon Size Shredded Waffles'
“How about the same boring c**p for breakfast? No, we didn’t think so! Introducing ‘Spoon-Size Shredded Waffles”, they’re new from Genital Saw Mills. Just try pouring syrup on scrambled eggs; on toast; or how about regular breakfast cereals? ‘Blow-Chunk’ time! What you want is something that looks like it would be good for you, combined with not tasting like you found it under a rotting stump. There is no such breakfast product, is there? Oh yes there is! Direct from the laboratories of Genital Saw Mills, the same company who brought you ‘Eggs on a Stick’, comes ‘Spoon Size Shredded Waffles’! We all want people to THINK we’re eating healthy, but who wants to eat sticks and gravel? You want an artery-clogging, high-fat, high-sugar breakfast food that will bog you down, even as the sugar high launches you into orbit, at least for 10 minutes. Imagine, if you have a child reluctant to wake up and get moving, while you’re greedily sucking down a last cigarette and gulping down several cups of high-octane coffee, you’re late for work; you don’t need this s**t! You yell at them to drag their dead a** out of the rack, plop down a big bowl of ‘Spoon Size Shredded Waffles’; made to look healthy, without tasting like a big bowl of c**p! After downing several bowls of this, little Junior or Daisy will move like they’re on board a rocket sled!* So, look like you give a s**t about health, while scarfing down massive amounts of calories and sugar; ‘Spoon Size Shredded Waffles!**
*Hyper-activity lasts for an average of 10.2 minutes
**May contain one or more of the following: recycled ground-up car air fresheners; tube worm larva; cinnamon-flavored glucose sticks; reconstituted artificial lard