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'Head Cheese Surprise Crunch--advertisement

By: Mike Stevens

Page 1, A surprising new candy!


“Head Cheese Surprise Crunch Candy Bars”



“Here, little piggy!  It’s a cry on a farm, right?  Not unless the farm specializes in making a weird cheese that’s not really cheese, and ground up pig head; yuck!  We think we’ve come up with a great-tasting candy bar that even non-freaks, who think, “Who thought up that fricking gross s**t of an idea?  If I eat that crap, I’ll probably get hoof-in-mouth disease, or something!”  You might be wondering, why?  Because, we know that you want to buy the most expensive products, to shove your wealth right into Poorhouse Paul’s face!  That’s why we’ve priced Head Cheese Surprise Crunch Candy Bars so high, your poorer friends will think it must be something they’ve just got to have.  By marketing this crap as some sort of status symbol, we’ve created instant demand by people on the bottom rung of the old prosperity ladder.  It’s like a fabulously-wealthy sports car, on the hoof!  Head Cheese Surprise Crunch Candy Bars: sure, they taste like crap, but they don’t need to know that!”  

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