“Just imagine if you had the power to bring people you despise to their knees. No matter how much
they tried to stop you, you just give them a ‘zap!’ from your magic pain wand, and they’ll be writhing on
the ground in pure agony, as well as foaming at the mouth. All the while, you’re laughing like a hyena,
right in their tortured, butt-ugly face. You’d not only get a good belly-laugh, but they might think twice
before messing with you again. Nice fantasy, but there is no such device, right? Wrong! We at
Mad-Man Personal Protection Wands have supplied law enforcement personnel with them for years,
and now we’re making our Personal Protection Wands available to the general public. Be the first
person on your block to own one, but you’d damn well better hurry up, because they’re selling fast!
Soon, everybody will own one, and you won’t feel quite as powerful if everybody owns one. So, hurry;
your window of opportunity is about to slam shut, right in your face. Imagine, if, when some loser calls
you a mama’s-boy chicken-s***, you whip out your new Mad-Man Personal Protection Wand and
zap his nuts with enough high-voltage electricity to light a small city. He’ll beg you to stop. You literally
control the power! Or, just imagine the following scenario:
You just picked up a bloody steak to cook for dinner that evening, from the meat aisle of the grocery
store, when you’re accosted by a fricking vegetarian who calls you a murderer. Imagine his surprise
when you whip out our new pain wand! He’ll become contrite, and tell you he was only kidding.
You simply touch any part of his body with our stick, and watch him dance. It’s like a big-a** life-poker
game, with you holding all the cards! It’s up to you if you want to stop the zapping. So, if you’re tired
of being treated like a big piece of s*** doormat by others, fight back; give ‘em the wand, one of the
new Mad-Man Personal Protection Wands.