“Springboard Shoes”
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“Has this ever happened to you? You steal a car stereo, only to be apprehended by the police, simply because your ordinary shoes let them catch up to you. If you’d purchased a pair of our new Springboard Shoes, instead of saving a negligible amount on those cheap-a**, ordinary shoes on sale, you’d be fencing that stereo, instead of carving your initials in the bleak gray walls of a prison cell. At Springboard Shoe Company, we’ve built a rocket into the souls of each of our shoes, so you can easily out-run, and out-jump the authorities. The police, unless they buy a like pair of our shoes (and we have a policy of only selling to criminals*), will be left in your dust. So, whether you’re a drug-fiend, a small-time punk too lazy to get a real job, or both, we’ve got a super-shoe, especially for you. Just come into any one of our brightly-lit, security-heavy (to prevent theft) stores and make sure to tell on of our saleswomen,
“Hey, show me your pair (of Springboard Shoes, of course!)”
*Show us your “I’m a Criminal!” I.D., and receive a two percent discount on your purchase of Springboard Shoes
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