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The weekly television listings section of your hometown newspaper


Submitted:Jun 1, 2011    Reads: 33    Comments: 1    Likes: 2   


T.V. Times

T.V. Channel Guide

5am

2-CREAR-series-"Breakfast with Marne"-Marne Love shows you over 300 ways to prepare a poached egg

3-CABLE ACCESS-"How to Sing Your Pet to Sleep, Anytime, Anywhere"-learn how to put your pet to sleep, anytime, anywhere

4-ARM-Local News

5-NEK-Local News

6-KBONG-cartoon-"The Munchkins"

7-CAD-Local News

8-HORF-Pay Advertisements

9-KSNOB-Public Television-begging for donations

10-WY NETWORK-cartoon-"Huck"

11-KSTING-cartoon-"Huck"

12-KSMACK-Public Television-begging for donations

13-KYKP-The Young News

6.00am

2-CREAR-series-"Doing Dishes with Marne"-Marne Love shows you doing the dishes can be fun

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Jammin' With Paul"-Paul Whiner plays whatever crap he wants to, it's his fricking show!

4-ARM-Local News, cont

5-NEK-Ditto

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Live Grenade"

7-CAD-Local News, cont

8-HORF-Pay Advertisements, cont

9-KSNOB-Begging for Donations, cont

10-WY NETWORK-cartoon-"Huck"-cont

11-KSTING-cartoon-"Huck"-cont

12-KSMACK-Begging for Donations, cont

13-KYKP-The Young News, cont

7am

2-CREAR-series-"Coffee with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Scripture Sally"-Sally Wings shows you her world, and asks, "what the hell happened in yours?"

4-ARM-series-"Good Morning, and Good Riddance"

5-NEK-series-"Late Last Week"

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Burn Alive"

7-CAD-series-"The Last Place Morning Show"

8-HORF-pay series-"The Bear Claw"-debut-A series about a demented breakfast pastry

9-KSNOB-pay series-"The Uncivil Whore, Part 13-"Limp-D**k"

10-WY NETWORK-special-"How to Lick Your Way to Success"-wealthy entrepreneurs show you success stories from the Ice Cream Vending Business

11-KSTING-series-"Farmer Jim"

12-KSMACK-opera

13-KYKP-series-"Young Morning, Live"

8.00am

2-CREAR-series-"Before-Lunch Drinks with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Fishin' with Jim"-Jim Hobbs takes you, your tackle box, and an ice-cold six-pack fishing

4-ARM-series-"Good Morning, and Good Riddance", cont

5-NEK-series-"Late Last Week", cont

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Serrated Edge"

7-CAD-series-"The Last Place Morning Show", cont

8-HORF-pay series-"The Bear Claw", cont

9-KSNOB-pay series-"The Uncivil Whore, Part 13"-"Limp-D**k", cont

10-WY NETWORK-cartoon-"Huck's Revenge"

11-KSTING-series-"I Love Lucite"-rerun

12-KSMACK-special-"How to Bum Your Way Across Europe"-learn ways to be frugal when traveling in Europe, by hiding in the back of delivery trucks, stealing food from sidewalk venders, and leaving hotels early to avoid those pesky per-night charges

13-KYKP-series-"Petting the Great White"

9am

2-CREAR-series-"Brunch with Marne'-breakfast or lunch? It's all covered by Marne Love

3-CABLE ACCESS-"How to Survive in Freezing-Cold Water"-Jim Hobbs shows you survival tips if you've fallen out of a boat

4-ARM-series-"Live with Hal and Carrie"-Hal Franklin is often made the butt of co-host Carrie Stub's jokes

5-NEK-"Soap Preview Show"

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Skruffy the Dog Tries to Cross the Freeway"

7-CAD-"Soaps Warm-Up"

8-HORF-pay comedy

9-KSNOB-series-"Gardening for Profit"

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck's Drip"-Huck has a suspicious drip

11-KSTING-series-"Huck's Orgy"

12-KSMACK-begging for donations

13-KYKP-"The Young Stock Report"

10.00am

2-CREAR-series-"After-Brunch Drinks with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS--"Rocket Rick's Guide to the Stars"-Rick Outering shows you the wonders of traveling to outer space, in your own mind

4-ARM-series-"You Lucky S.O.B!"-meet people who inherited millions

5-NEK-series-"It's Almost Soap Time, So Keep your Pants On!"

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Pulled Teeth"

7-CAD-series-"Lettuce This Morning"

8-HORF-pay stock tips

9-KSNOB-begging for donations

10-WY NETWORK-series-"Huck's Back!"-Huck faces away from the camera

11-KSTING-series-"Huck, Huck, What in the Hell?"

12-KSMACK-series-"Antiques Roadhouse"-antiques spend the night in famous roadhouses

13-KYKP-series-"Young Stockbroker's Club"

11.00am

2-CREAR-series-"Pre-Lunch Ralphing with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"I Re-Set My Own Broken Leg"-'Trapper' John Snare show you how the re-set your own broken bones

4-ARM-soap-"As My Stomach Turns"

5-NEK-soap-"Hot, Hot Love"-

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Impaled"

7-CAD-soap-"Your Own Mother"

8-HORF-pay toilets

9-KSOB-series-"Conundrum!"-Inspector Noclue investigates a curious smell

10-WY NETWORK-series-"Huck's Back"-cont

11-KSTING-series-"Huck, Huck, What in the Hell?"-cont

12-KSMACK-concert-"Live From Antarctica-- The Quivering Racks"

13-KYKP-series-"The Young Show, For the Young"

12 Noon

2-CREAR-series-"Drinking Lunch with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-special-"Loud Blast"-tremendous noises can affect your hearing (with subtitles)

4-ARM-soap-"Evil Lord"

5-NEK-soap-"Hit and Run"

6-KBONG-cartoon-"The Bloody Glove"

7-CAD-soap-"The Built and the Gorgeous"

8-HORF-pay the man

9-KSNOB-series-"Conundrum!"-Inspector Noclue on the trail of a heartless, vicious apple thief

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck vs. the Universe"-Huck kicks some alien a**

11-KSTING-special-"Toe-Tapping Huck"-Huck sings, dances, and gets down to today's young country hits

12-KSMACK-begging for donations

13-KYKP-series-"Smart Dough for the Young"

1.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"After-Lunch Drinks with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"All the Pretty Flowers"-gardening for drug-addicts

4-ARM-soap-"My Uncle's Trial"

5-NEK-soap-"Hide the Body"

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Jack the Ripper"

7-CAD-soap-"Real Life is Bad Enough"

8-HORF-pay through the nose

9-KSNOB-begging for donations

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck vs. the Universe", cont

11-KSTING-special-"The All-New Huck Hour"

12-KSMACK-begging for donations, cont

13-KYKP-special-"What Young People Do For Excitement"

2.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"Mid-Afternoon Drinks with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Eating Cheap"-shows the viewer how to save money by dumpster-diving

4-ARM-soap-"Stabbed in the Back"

5-NEK-soap-"I'm Going to Nark"

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Reamed!"

7-CAD-soap-"Life with the Warden"

8-HORF-pay parking

9-KSNOB-begging for donations, cont

10-WY NETWORK-variety show-"Huck and Friends"

11-KSTING-series-"Huck on Cell-Block 5"-Huck moves to a new home

12-KSMACK-series-"Prove It"-James is convicted of hacking the limbs off a guy; Pauline goes to prison

13-KYKP-news magazine-"Staying Young"

3.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"Losing Consciousness with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"My Friend, the Wind"-Barry Spud tells about the joys of nudism

4-ARM-"Soaps Today"-recaps soaps seen on ARM, as well as those airing on other, lesser networks

5-NEK-"Soaps Again"-recaps soaps airing on NEK, as well as those airing on other, lesser networks

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Headless"

7-CAD-"Soaps Roundup"-recaps soaps airing on CAD, as well as those airing on other, lesser networks

8-HORF-pay top dollar

9-KSNOB-still begging for donations

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck Loses His Mind"-Huck acts strangely

11-KSTING-series-"Huck Pleads the Fifth"-Huck invokes his right to not incriminate himself

12-KSMACK-special-"Chess for the Wealthy"-wealthy people from around the globe compete for 'The Leisure Time Chess Award'

13-KYKP-special-"Oh, Those Wacky Young Bastards"-program is a humorous look at the pressures young people face on the job, competing with other young people

4.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"Drying Out with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Safe Sex"--Dan Bruise shows how careful you must be re-closing the door, and tricks for remembering the combination

4-ARM-series-"Tomorrow's Soaps Preview"

5-NEK-series-"What's on Tap for Tomorrow's Soaps"

6-KBONG-cartoon-"The Princess and the Loser"-a princess gets it on with an under-achieving failure

7-CAD-series-"Looking Ahead to Tomorrow's Soaps"

8-HORF-pay stubs

9-KSNOB-still begging for donations.

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck Loses His Mind", cont

11-KSTING-movie-"Huck gets Pissed"-self-explanatory

12-KSMACK-series-"Any Creature Can Kill"-a series of vicious animal attacks on orphans lead Dr. Ben to a rare creature, long thought extinct, the Flesh-Eating Chicken

13-KYKP-special-"I've Got It So Rough"-hard-hitting, gritty program detailing why today's youth have to deal with problems no other generation has had to face (due to the graphic nature, frank sexual language, and nudity contained in this program, parental guidance is strongly recommended).

5.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"Relapse with Marne"

3-PUBLIC ACCESS-"Where Am I?"-Ben Shooter shows you ways to figure out where you're located after coming to

4-ARM-Local News

5-NEK-Local News

6-KBONG-series-"The Iced Coffee Show"-rapper Iced Coffee brings his insight, wisdom, and .44 Magnum handgun to dinner

7-CAD-Local News

8-HORF-Pay Too Much

9-KSOB-special-"Exercise for Yuppies"--program that shows yuppies how to turn their shallow pursuit of possessions into a muscle-building dynamo. Featured exercises include: The Stereo-System Clean and Jerk, The Big Bank Account Aerobic Happy Dance, Retire at 30 Push-Ups, Luxury Car Sit-Ups, Expensive Wrist-Watch Curls, and Superior Squats

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck gets Horizontal"-self-explanatory

11-KSTING-movie-"Huck gets Pissed", cont

12-KSMACK-series-"Conundrum!"-Inspector Noclue is hit by a bus

13-KYKP-The Young Local News

6.00 pm

2-CREAR-series-"Double Drinks with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"How to Safely Urinate"-shows viewers how to avoid pissing all over

4-ARM-national news

5-NEK-national news

6-KBONG-series-"Pirates"-examines today's pirates, otherwise known as 'bankers'

7-CAD-national news

8-HORF-pay up

9-KSNOB-begging for donations

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck gets Horizontal", cont

11-KSTING-series-"Hey, Huck"

12-KSMACK-begging for donations

13-KYKP-cartoon-"Bazoomba Woman's Bra"

7.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"In the Gutter with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Cross-Dressing for Success"-how to look fabulous dressing as a man or a woman

4-ARM-game show-"Cut Out Your Still-Beating Heart"-brought to you by "Gizzards Fine Utensils"

5-NEK-game show-"Made of Money"-hosted by Jack Hawker

6-KBONG-movie-"Journey to Hell"-one family's vacation

7-CAD-game show-"This Game is Rigged"-hosted by Lance Felon

8-HORF-pay or else

9-KSNOB-begging for donations, cont

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck's Brown Surprise"-self-explanatory

11-KSTING-movie-"Huck Sports a Wang"-self-explanatory

12-KSMACK-begging for donations, cont

13-KYKP-game show-"Twister, Adult Style"-hosted by Sal Mander

8.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"Bummin' with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"The Wonders of Processed Cheese"-explores the unlimited uses of the product of the century, processed cheese

4-ARM-Movie of the Week-"The Deflowering of Jackie"-the somewhat-true story of a blow-up doll that comes to life-sexual drama

5-NEK-Movie of the Month-"The Dismember Ghost"-tells the story of the mean-a** ghost of an executed dude who abducts helpless, crying, begging, pleading teenage girls, takes them to a satanic kegger, has them strip so he can check out their goodies, and cuts them into strips-comedy

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Bloodsucker, the Leach"

7-CAD-Movie of the Year-"Stowaway to Disaster"-a young man stows away on a flour ship, only to find himself in mortal danger of being baked alive into a giant loaf of bread before landing

8-HORF-pay anything

9-KSNOB-series-"Conundrum!"-Inspector Noclue contracts gonorrhea

10-WY NETWORK-movie-"Huck's Brown Surprise", cont

11-KSTING-movie-"Huck Sports a Wang", cont

12-KSMACK-series-"Conundrum!"-Inspector Noclue investigates his own disappearance

13-KYKP-Movie of the Century-"Don't Ever Turn Your Back, Ever!"-a young newlywed woman has more to fear than sex from her husband-sexual paranormal crime drama

9.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"Under a Box with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Reaching Out"-shows the viewer how to secretly cop a feel

4-ARM-Movie of the Week-"The Deflowering of Jackie", cont

5-NEK-Movie of the Month-"The Dismember Ghost", cont

6-KBONG-cartoon-"The Boston Strangler"

7-CAD-Movie of the Year-"Stowaway to Disaster", cont

HORF-pay movies, after dark

9-KSNOB-series-"The Uncivil Whore, Part 14-"Squeal"

10-WY NETWORK-series-"Lethal Injection Huck"-Huck tries to escape

11-KSTING-movie-"The Storming of Huck's Hideout"-Huck's hideout is overrun

12-KSMACK-series-"Conundrum!"-Inspector Noclue investigates why flights are often delayed--may run long

13-KYKP-unoriginal series-"Drug Patrol"

10.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"Scrounging Through Dumpsters with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Salvation Through Salami"-Jane Bore finds her salvation in the deli section

4-ARM-series-"40/4O"- investigative reporting program

5-NEK-series-"Dateless Nek"-investigative reporting program

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Endure the Ceaseless Agony"

7-CAD-series-"42 Minutes"-investigative reporting program

8-HORF-pay toilets, after dark

9-KSNOB-series-"The Uncivil Whore, Part 14"-"Squeal", cont

10-WY NETWORK-series-"Huck Remains Upright"

11-KSTING-movie-"The Storming of Huck's Hideout", cont

12-KSMACK-begging for donations

13-KYKP-movie-"Bikini Island"-a group of teenage boys are marooned on a mysterious island inhabited by freak black widow spiders disguised as hot-to-trot teenage girls

11.00pm

2-CREAR-series-"Busted with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"A 'Wail' of a Good Time"-shows the viewer how to relieve stress by punching people

4-ARM-local news

5-NEK-local news

6-KBONG-cartoon-"Splatter"

7-CAD-local news

8-HORF-pay parking, after dark

9-KSNOB-series-"Conundrum!"-Inspector Noclue on the trail of a catsup burglar

10-WY NETWORK-series-"All-Night Huck"

11-KSTING-movie-"Huck From Beyond the Grave"-a very-much dead Huck haunts people

12-KSMACK-begging for donations, cont.

13-KYKP-series-"The Pappy Pipovich Show"-Pappy schmoozes with today's big celebrities of the month

Midnight

2-CREAR-infommercials

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Live from the Drunk Lounge"-talent-challenged local bands pay to play

4-ARM-series-"The Wee Hours Show"

5-NEK-series-"Yesterday is History"

6-KBONG-off air

7-NEK-special-"Stay Awake, Stay Focused"-program detailing others miserable lives, and shows you that, "Hey, it could be worse!"

8-HORF-pay stubs, after dark

9-KSNOB-off air

10-WY NETWORK-series-"All-Night Huck", cont

11-KSTING-movie-"Huck from Beyond the Grave", cont

12-KSMACK-off air

13-KYKP-"The Pappy Pipovich Show", cont

1.00am

2-CREAR-off air

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Live from the Drunk Lounge", cont

4-ARM-series-"The Wee Hours Show", cont

5-NEK-series-"Yesterday is History", cont

6-KBONG-off air

7-CAD-special-"Stay Awake, Stay Focused", cont

8-HORK-pay and play, after dark

9-KSNOB-off air

10-WY NETWORK-series-"All-Night Huck", cont

11-KSTING-off air

12-KSMACK-off air

13-KYKP-off air

2.00am

2-CREAR-off air

3-CABLE ACCESS-"The Advantages of Prison"-a round-table discussion about the hidden benefits of free room and board, learning how to make license plates, and meeting new people to date

4-ARM-The Late, Early Movie-"3-Headed Horror"--terrifying tale of a man who thinks a three-headed Hydra lives in his pants

5-NEK-Insomniac Theater-"The Ditch Woman"-tale about a ghostly woman who lives in a ditch and emerges at night to hitch rides from lonely long-haul truckers, only to club them in the head, and suck out their brains

6-KBONG-off air

7-CAD-Midnight Movie at 2am-"Sleep Disorder"-horrifying story about a guy who can't sleep and stays up watching late-night T.V., and it's mind-numbing void of nothingness, until he's so tired, he sleepwalk onto the highway, and is sent airborne by a big-a** delivery truck

8-HORF-pay the man, after dark

9-KSNOB-off air

10-WY NETWORK-series-"All-Night Huck", cont

11-KSTING-off air

12-KSMACK-off air

13-KYKP-off air

3.00am

2-CREAR-off air

3-CABLE ACCESS-"Living as a Perv"-Dale Swine tells about living with sick and twisted, unnatural urges

4-ARM-The Late, Early Movie-"3-Headed Horror", cont

5-NEK-Insomniac Theater-"The Ditch Woman", cont

6-KBONG-off air

7-CAD-Midnight Movie at 2am-"Sleep Disorder", cont

8-HORF-pay through the nose, after dark

9-KSNOB-off air

10-WY NETWORK-series-"All-Night Huck", cont

11-KSTING-off air

12-KSMACK-off air

13-KYKP-off air

4.00am

2-CREAR-series-"Drinks Before Sunrise with Marne"

3-CABLE ACCESS-"The Perv and his Monkey"-Dale Swine plays with his monkey

4-ARM-pre-news local news

5-NEK-news-"Recapping Yesterday's News"

6-KBONG-off air

7-CAD-news magazine-"Depression Today"

8-HORF-early-riser's pay high rates

9-KSNOB-begging for donations

10-WY NETWORK-series-"All-Night Huck", cont

11-KSTING-off air

12-KSMACK-begging for donations

13-KYKP-young news pre-news





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