Sears Hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
Bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how?....)
Swanson's frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well, duh! a bit late huh?)
Mark's and Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(..and you thought?....)
Rowena iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds off those forklifts...)
Nytol Sleep Aid: "May cause drowsiness."
(and I'm taking this because?....)
Christmas Lights: "For Indoor and Outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?...)
Japanese Food Processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
(talk about newsflash.)
American Airline's packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(step 3: digest?)
Children's Superman Constume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company on this one. I blame the parents.)
Swedish Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with your hand or genitals."
(Oh my.. was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)