- I will ban football and soccer (I know they're basically the same thing so why do they have different names?)
Actually, I'll ban all kinds of sports. Except ice skating. And yes, it's a sport.
- Church will not be allowed to last for more than two hours. Same thing applies for school.
- Parents will not be allowed to seize cell phones or laptops or forbid kids from watching TV. I have done my research. This is how serial killers, drug addicts and rapists are made.
- I'll change that boring flag. It'll be pink and red. Pink to represent my beauty and Red to represent my anger (yeah, for all the rebels, it's a dictatorship not a democracy) and also because red looks great with pink.
- I'll rename the country. Nigeria is really boring. It will now be known as Viktorieah (lol, bet you didn't see that one coming)
- I'll hire Lady Gaga to change the whole anthem. She's the only one that understands what I'm going through, having my life under a microscope with lots of people waiting for me to trip and fall (again). So the new anthem will go something like this:
'All hail Viktorieah
She is the queen of euphoria
What else rhymes with Viktorieah?
All hail All hail All haaaaaaiiiiiiiiiil'
This would be followed by some bad ass dance steps. Mostly hip thrusts, shimmers and major shoulder action.
- Our currency, the naira.......hmmmm, how about we call it vaira? And it's gonna be pink with all my cute pictures on it.
- No one (be it girl or boy, or animal) is allowed to be prettier than me. So there'll be a lot of face distortion surgeries. Oh, it's on me, you know am not a selfish person.
- There will be no more Mondays. After Sunday, it'll be a Friday and the circle continues.
- Yes, i almost forgot. Absolutely no reggae music. Except when I'm asleep.
I can't promise you uninterrupted power and water supply, I am not God. But be rest assured that:
- I will look my best at all times
- I will work with experts to find a cure for split ends
- I will make sure we have no enemy-countries. I will blow those suckers up.
- If at all i embezzle, it's for your own good. See point a.
- I will make streets of escalators...because i know how painful it is to walk on gorgeous heels.
- I'll create quality employment for the youths. Jobs include snoring, watching TV, painting nails and chewing gum. Maybe texting on cell phones too.
- I will throw cheating boyfriends in jail, where they will be used as lab rats and finally die by horny cougars raping them to death. (What! It's totally fair)
- I will make fishes extinct. I know this will render fishermen jobless but erm...see point f.
- I will make all mean children (and babies that pull your hair but you can't beat them up because their mum is looking at you) get hit by buses. Ok, they wont die or anything. They'll just break a few bones.
- I will improve the system of education by implementing and enforcing new subjects and courses for students to study e.g. Viktorieah 101, WWVD (what would Viktorieah do), The Early Life of Vkitorieah.
That, my friends, is how to rule a country!