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John Doe - The First Zombie

Novel By: Bloodlust Prince

In the strange world of Dirt, John Doe, a simple anthropologist student at the University of Pointless Subjects is about to play an important role in the strange world of Dirt - He's going to become its' first zombie!

Now he will have to learnt to fight the craving for brains and how to woe his love; even thought he is a walking corpse. He's just going to have to hope that she's in to necrophilia...

He is also going to have to escape his parents clutches, who are both biologists that believe John is the next step in the evolutionary ladder.

John Doe is just going to have to come to terms his life, or undeadness, is never going to be the same again. View table of contents...


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Submitted:Apr 11, 2013    Reads: 21    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   

John Doe stretched his legs in the sun. He had a week left before he would have to return to the University of Pointless Subjects in his homeland of Pomland. It was always cloudy or raining there. They considered themselves to be lucky if they saw the sun once every two years. John Doe happened to be born one of these few sunny days and could never learn to live without the sun for too long, hence why he always came to the island Irukuri.

John Doe loved staying by the Irukuri Island. Since he was studying to become an anthropologist, he thought it would make a perfect place to spend his holidays and practice some of the new things that he learnt at the University of Pointless Subjects. He was only nineteen, but the world gave him lemons and he was going to grab them, because being handed free stuff was awesome.

John Doe's parents were fairly wealthy. They were both biologists that were trying to prove that humans evolved from a retarded species of fish that had a serious case hydrophobia and decided that the land would be a better place to escape this fear. John Doe believed this theory to be utter hogwash because he believed that people just popped into existence. Nothing created us, we didn't evolve, we just popped out of nowhere like that random creepy woman back home that would suddenly appear out of nowhere when he went outside the house to water the garden or go buy some vegetables for his favourite chicken soup.

What John Doe loved the most about the Irukuri Island as a future anthropologist is the people's culture. They were a strange folk with strange beliefs. The island belonged to a tribe of small people known as the Ata-what-what, who were named by the explorer Badluck Butcher after he tried to get directions to spice country of Peri-Peri and ended up asking "At a what-what?" after he received directions from the island's chief. Little did Badluck know that he discovered an island that day, only a week later did he realize that the island was nowhere on the map so he quickly changed his direction of his ship back to the island where he planted the flag of his nation; Kidneylake.

The Ata-what-what people had strange beliefs. They believed that humanity came from a loose string from a giant blanket. They believed that once the loose string ripped from the blanket there was the Big Tear. From that Tear the universe popped out and so did life. The strangest belief though is that the Great Weaver would notice this tear and fix it up, bringing an end to the universe and life as we know it.

Even though they had strange beliefs the Ata-what-what people were civilized. They had mathematicians, astrologists, and all that. They even had the lowest class of all studies, lawyers. Irukuri law was similar to the law from where John Doe came from, Pomland, except here, if you were found guilty in court you would have to take part in a fight to the death with an Arikarti, a black big cat that is as friendly as a Viking holding up his war axe and thinking to himself, "Today seems like a nice day to raid and pillage this friendly little village."

John Doe looked up at the warm sunny sky, enjoying the sun's warm touch to his almost blue pale skin. John heard footsteps behind him and soon his body was engulfed by the tall and large shadow of his Ata-what-what friend named Oops.

"I have arranged a boat to take you to the Namakak island my friend," said Oops with a broad smile.

"Thank you Oops. I appreciate it. What time will the boat be arriving here?" asked John while staring up to the face of his friend.

"When the sun's shadow points at the second rock they will be by the port," Oops answered while staring into the horizon.

Even though the Ata-what-what people were civilized, they had a primitive and strange way of telling the time. They built a large sundial in the middle of the island where all the people called go to if they needed to what the time was. It was pretty useful in the past but now it made no sense. If you were a lawyer and wondered if you were late for an appointment or something you would have to run all the way to the middle of the island, which would make you even later than you were. The sundial was the only thing on the entire island that could tell you the time, even in the night. Ata-what-what scientists developed a light rotation system that would accurately point a light towards the sundial and move like the sun so that people would be able to tell the time in the evening. So if an Ata-what-what person told you it that the sun's shadow was pointing at the second rock they meant it was two o'clock in the day time, if an Ata-what-what person told you that the light's shadow was pointing at the ninth rock it means that it was nine o'clock in the evening.

"I will be by the port by then! I'm now thirsty and I need a drink!" exclaimed John as he stood up and stretched.

"Want to go to the Cucko bar again, John?" asked Oops as he sighed thinking of the nights prior where they always ended up getting drunk by the Cucko bar.

"Not tonight. I would like to go somewhere else tonight and get drunk there instead. Do you know of any other places Oops?" asked John while staring at his friend.

"There's a small bar alongside the Badluck beach, it is called 'The Badluck Hole'," answered Oops while holding his chin as if he was in deep thought.

"Well then we're going there tonight! I need to try a few other places before I leave for home next week." John said as he started walking to his small holiday hut that he bought from his savings.

"Okay John, I will meet you on Ata Street at light's shadow pointing at seventh rock!" yelled Oops as he was fading in the distance opposite John.

John continued to walk down the street that would lead to his hut. As he walked, he remembered when he met Oops.


Mr. and Mrs. Doe were glad that they could finally see the sun and visit the island of Irukuri. It was for research purpose, they heard that there was a strange breed of fish that looked like snakes in the waters surrounded the island. The scientists back in Pomland believed this was the missing link between how the fish became reptiles. They needed to collect a few samples and return them to Pomland so that they could be studied. Even though they were at the island for work, they were also going to enjoy the sun seeing that they barely see it back home.

John came along with them, this was going to be like a family holiday. John was like most six year old boys of the time, curious about everything and always trying to annoy his parents with pointless questions.

One day, while on the beautiful sandy beaches under the warm blue skies of Irukuri, John's parents were diving to search for the snake-like fish. John was left alone on the beach. John just sat there and staring into the ocean as he waited for his parents to come out. Little did John know that another lonely boy was watching him, wanting to speak to him. The boy finally approached John and said in a shy tone, "Hi."

John looked up at this strange boy. This boy was a bit different. Unlike John, he didn't have pale skin that looked almost blue. This boy had light brown skin. The boy also had dark brown curly hair unlike John's blonde straight mop. His eyes were also brown unlike John's eyes that were blue. The boy was also a bit bigger in length and muscle structure than John.

"Hi." John answered back shyly.

"Why does your skin look so pale?" asked the strange brown boy.

John then realized that this boy probably never saw a Pom before like John has never seen a Ata-what-what before a couple of days ago.

"I don't know, but where I'm from all the people have the same skin," answered John with a confused expression.

"Where you from?" asked the brown boy with curiosity.

"I come from a land across the sea," John answered while staring at the horizon longing for home.

"Is it nice there?" asked the brown boy.

"I guess so. It is cold though and always raining," answered John while smiling.

"It only rains here now and then. It doesn't really nice to me," replied the brown boy.

"What is your name?" asked John as he stared at the brown boy.

"My name is Oops. What is yours?" the brown boy asked with a smile.

"My name is John. Why did your parents call you Oops?" asked John.

"My parents called me Oops because I was an accident, but they tell me I was a good accident," answered the brown boy named Oops.

"Your people are weird," exclaimed John as he looked to the waters to see if his parents have emerged or not.

"So are your people," replied Oops as he looked the direction John did to see what John was looking at.

"I guess so," said John as he continued to stare into the horizon.

"Do you want to play a game?" asked Oops shyly.

"I love games!" exclaimed John.

Both boys played their games until the sunset and that was when John's parents emerged.

Every year since that day when John came to Irukuri for a family holiday him and Oops would play, eventually when John was old enough to travel by himself he would just visit the islands to visit Oops. They might have lived an ocean apart, but they became the best of friends.


The sun was shining brightly like usual on the Irukuri island. John was up and ready to start his day. He was excited to be going to the Namakak island which was a neighbouring island of Irukuri. He has always wanted to go there, but never had the time or the money except for now.

John was on his way to the port when Oops met him the streets.

"Are you going to the port now?" asked Oops not even greeting his friend.

"Indeed I am. I am finally off to go see the famous Namakak Island. You know I have wanted to do this for years now," replied John while still walking.

"Yes I do. I suggest you go visit the witch doctor on the island. When I went there she told me that I was going to marry twenty seven virgins. It's all good fun, because I know I don't want to marry more than one virgin, especially twenty seven virgins!" exclaimed Oops before chuckling like a young school boy.

John laughed before replying with, "Indeed! No man wants to endure that form of torture. Twenty seven women? A man will go mad. One is enough to drive a man to insanity. Odd, we need women in our lives but we can't endure them."

"Indeed my friend. Well I have to go do some work today. My father is expecting a large catch today. So I hope you enjoy your visit there." Oops said while he started walking a different direction.

"I will my friend! Good luck with the fishing today!" exclaimed John while he was watching his friend John almost fading away in the distance.

"Make sure to visit the witch doctor!" shouted Oops before he was gone.

John continued to walk until he arrived at the small port of the Irukuri Island. The port was open with the beach surrounding it. The port was also only small enough for small trading boats and small tourist boats to use. On the end of this port there was a small passenger boat waiting for John. John walked up to this boat.

"Is this the boat that is going to the Namakak Island?" asked John shyly.

"Yeah, 'ere 'oat is going to the 'amaka Island," replied the rather drunk owner of the small boat.

"All right, then I guess it is best to get on our way," John said nervously while approaching the small boat.

John climbed onto the boat while holding his breath. For a moment he believed that holding his breath would somehow make the boat less rigidly and wobbly, even though he knew it was complete idiotic. Once John was on the boat the rather drunk owner started the small steam engine that powered the boat.

" Here we go to the 'amakak Island!"


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