Twilight - Lethbridge Style - Annie and Vampire

Chapter Four – The Day Before The Awesometasticnessfulable WEDDING!!!

Jacob’s POV

“WHY WON’T YOU MARRY ME?!?!?! I WUVS WOO!!!” I screamed frantically as the love of my life that I had only known for two minutes denied my marriage proposal. WHY?!

“Whoa now, doggie. Don’t go all scoobie-doo on me now.” My Quinner muttered, stepping backwards with her arms half raised. Under her breath I heard her say, “Just back away slowly now, he won’t notice if you back away slowly.”

“NO!!! Bubble-pie, don’t leave me!!!!” I squealed like the manly wolf-thing I was.

“WHAT did you call me? I am Quinn, hear me ROAR!!!” She growled before round-house kicking me into a store front.In my rage, I spun to face an old woman who watching over her two small what I assumed to be grandchildren.

“WHY WON”T YOU MARRY ME?!?!” Punching out in anger, my fist connected with her fake teeth, sending her flying into a plane about to take off in the mall. Shut up, this thing was like the West Ed mall.

“You just punched my grandma. What the hell?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw those creepy ass girls that BRUTALLY pushed my soulmate out of the way before, sit down in stolen lawn chairs, eating stolen popcorn out of a stolen bucket wearing stolen hats with stolen glitter all over.

“Jasper….” the creepy curly haired one whispered. “Soon….I am waiting…..aggggggghhhhh…”

“Sparkles…..all over…sparkles….I FREAKING GLITTER!!!” the now reddish blonde girl with purple streaks crooned.

…. Seriously? No one? Dammit Embry!!!! YOU SAID EVERYONE DID!!!!!!!!!!!

“WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME?!?!” I wailed, kicking the children that were with the old woman/Quinn’s grandma. OH MY GOD I’m turning into Laurie!!! Next I’ll be boiling live puppies and throwing kittens at people, not to mention birthing dancing turtle babies!!

Oh God!! I’m a woman!

But only on Tuesdays.

“Fine. I’ll just go home and eat chocolate while watching The Dark Knight, then chocolate ice cream with Amusement, then maybe some double chunk chocolate cookies with Freak Dog. Then I’ll read The Demonata series until I fall asleep.”

“WHAT?!” Her head whipped around, my plans distracting her from where she had started watching a marching band stroll through Winners. Oh wait, it was just those two freaky girls playing flute while another elf-lady-like-man-thing was playing trumpet while asking random people around her if they’d like her to spin a room full of straw into gold, then ‘discreetly’ PILFERING their jewelry when they said no.

“Well…..” My pookie-poo deliberated. “If you’re gonna be like that…YES I’LL MARRY YOU!! I love the Demonata, and all those random movies that almost no one has ever heard about besides the Dark Knight!!”

“QUINN!” Chelsea popped out of nowhere, and I mean NO WHERE. “You’re only fourteen!”

“NO! I want a good cut of this deal, buddy.”

“FINE!!” I yelled. “You can borrow the Demonata series.”

“Shhhh…it’ll all be over soon…..” He murmured, lowering her to the ground. He then stepped to the side, ‘hiding’ behind a pillar. “I’ll always be here…waiting…watching…”

“YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed in triumph, and grabbed the first person I saw into a hug. I threw them onto the ground, about to turn to hug my Quinner when I realized who I had hugged.

“OH MY GOD!!! DEMETRI!!! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE LAST TUESDAY!!!”I reached to grab him/her back up, but he/she leapt away.

“I am not Demetri! Who is this Demetri you speak of?” She screamed in indignation. “I am ERINSTILSKIN, RULER OF ALL!!” With that, she plopped an overly large Zelda elf hat on her head, which immediately fell over her eyes. She giggled and began running in circles screaming, “Where are you? Where are you?” before slamming into a wall.

“Oh yeah.” Erin/Demetri/Erinstilskin commented. “I am Demetri….BUT ONLY ON TUESDAYS!!!”

“Then why did you get a sex change if you only want to be a man for 1/7 of your life?” Emily/James wondered.

“Why did you? Why does a bird fly south in the winter? Why is this building here? Why are platypuses considered freaks? THEY WANT TO BE LOVED TOO! Why do we question why?! Some things are just facts of life, EmJay.”

Erin/Demetri/Erinstilskin and I looked at each other, and instantly screamed, “CREEPDANCE!” and we began to do the creepdance dance we do every Tuesday night at the clu….I mean, convention.

Quinn stared at us both in horror. “Good thing you have chocolate…”

Courtney and Anelise’s POV Shut up. We’re psychic. Telepathically connected. STOP MAKING FUN OF US!!

Quinn stared at us both. “No. No, no no no no. NO!”

“Pweeeeeeeeeese, Quinnerdoodle? Pwetty Pweeeeeeeeese?” Courney weedled, making puppy dog eyes at her, that completely failed due to her lack of experience with puppy dog eyes, as she normally did rawr-I-eat-your-face- eyes.

“NO!” she screamed again, but we dragged her off anyway. No one is a match for Cornalise!!! “Jacob, HELP ME!!” But him and Erin/Demetri/Erinstilskin just continued to creep dance.