Just what you're looking for, classy, elegant, sheek...MICHAEL Look I know how good it would be, but last time I got a bit carried away, I even injured my lower back. EDDIE
You don't want to miss out, not on this one, at least have a look.MICHAEL
But I have to meet my wife later today, sorry I just can't do it.EDDIE
Later this afternoon then, I'll bring the drawings around to your office; sorry your chambers.MICHAEL
I know that's why I pay you, but right now you seem more like a sadist than a personal trainer, look I'll call you next week, OK?EDDIE
A waiter enters the stage pours a glass of wine for Michael and opens a beer for Eddie, he places a menu on the table and exits.
Buying off the plans is a great way to save, an excellent addition to your investment portfolio. Oh it's for your son, (to Michael) it's for his son. (to phone) Still a shrewd investment. No worries, Mr, I mean your err honour, I'll speak to you then.
Eddie hangs his mobile, he looks triumphant.EDDIE
It's like taking candy off a baby.MICHAEL
There's gotta be more.EDDIE
I want more.EDDIE
I don't know.EDDIE
Well what ever it is, with the money we make, you can afford it.MICHAEL
I think that's the whole problem.EDDIE
Yeah maybe, I don't know.Silence
We spend so much time making money, we never have enough time to enjoy life.EDDIE
Eddie summons the waiter, who comes to the table, Eddie orders for both of them.
Are you fucking kidding? We're sitting here eating fifty dollar lunches, drinking eight dollar beers and it's a beautiful day. We drive to work in cars that most people would spend on a house. We travel, twice a year, and stay in five star hotels. We have beautiful looking houses and beautiful looking wives. We have nice things. I don't know about you, but I'd call that enjoying life.MICHAEL
You're missing the point.EDDIE
I think it's the stuff that's the problem.EDDIE
All the stuff, the cars, the houses, all the things, that stuff. None of it feels real.EDDIE
I don't know, this seems pretty real to me.
Eddie admires his beer, then drinks in large gulps.MICHAEL
Why do we need the stuff?EDDIE
The stuff, as you so aptly put it, makes our lives more comfortable, which in turn makes life more enjoyable.MICHAEL
The waiter returns with the food, who tops up Michael's glass. Eddie then sends him away.
Well, if it's hot, or cold, with the flick of a switch; climate control. Silk shirts that are smooth on your skin, the taste of a well aged wine. A shitty job that's got to be done, you pay someone else to do it. We can have the finer things in life. We can afford to buy what ever we want.MICHAEL
And that makes you happy?EDDIE
Eddie starts shoveling down his lunch.
It sure fucking helps.MICHAEL
Michael listlessly pushes his food around his plate.
What about feeling alive, experiencing the hot, the cold, the discomfort of doing the shitty job, of actually creating the finer things in life?EDDIE
You're not turning religious on me are ya?MICHAEL
No, I just want to feel alive.EDDIE
Well you look alive, if that's any consolation.MICHAEL
All the stuff, it's all a big distraction. We work all the time, for what? To buy bigger houses in better suburbs, more cars, more things. Spend so much time working for the stuff, maintaining the stuff, improving the stuff, we will never have enough stuff. It feels like it is all cluttering up my brain. We worship the stuff, it's like our bloody religion. Bow down to the holy stuff. It's not about where you end up in life, or about what you acquire. It's about the journey on the way.EDDIE
Jesus, you are turning religious!MICHAEL
No, I just need some clarity. I need passion.EDDIE
Sound's like you need an affair. A bit on the side.MICHAEL
No, that's just more stuff, more distractions.EDDIE
Well what then?MICHAEL
I don't know, I just feel like my life is in a rut, nose to the grindstone.EDDIE
Well take a vacation then, some time to get your clarity back.MICHAEL
Sitting in a five star hotel is not going to give me clarity.EDDIE
Mate, you are starting to do my head in.MICHAEL
I want to break out. I think I want to be radical.EDDIE
We are fucking radicals, we are soldiers of fortune riding on top of the system, we are the cream of the crop. We aren't in a rut, it's not our noses on the grindstone, we are on top of the shit heap. We are fucking revolutionaries.MICHAEL
We sell real estate mate.EDDIE
It pays for all the stuff, the fifty dollar lunches and the eight dollar beers.MICHAEL
Exactly my point.
Eddie nods, thinking they are both in agreement. He starts to eat his lunch again.MICHAEL
An artist, now there's someone that would really feel alive, experience the full range of emotions. The complete human experience.EDDIE
Eddie sighs, and puts down his knife and fork again.
Yeah OK, I see your point. However lots of artists often end up, hungry, alone and miserable.MICHAEL
They say you have to suffer for your art. Maybe that's the key, hardship. Like that philosopher Nietsche.EDDIE
Who... what... You reckon that if they had the choice, that those artists wouldn't rather live more like us?MICHAEL
Of course they would, but they probably wouldn't create great works of art.EDDIE
Nah, that's bullshit. There's plenty of great artists who have done good shit after they have become rich, like that Ken Done bloke.MICHAEL
Eddie picks up his knife and fork and resumes eating.MICHAEL
Still, I want more.EDDIE
More fucking what?MICHAEL
I don't know.EDDIE
You don't want a holiday, you don't want more nice things, you don't want more money, you don't even want more sex.MICHAEL
I never said I don't want more sex!EDDIE
I'm glad to hear it.MICHAEL
And of course I want more money, who wouldn't. I was just saying that all the stuff in our lives feels like a burden to carry, a big distraction.EDDIE
From feeling alive?MICHAEL
What you need is some excitement.MICHAEL
Maybe, I don't know. I feel like I want to... to rebel.EDDIE
Eddie puts his knife and fork down, wipes his mouth and signals for the waiter, as he lights up a cigarette. The waiter arrives and brings the bill and starts clearing the plates.
So you want to rebel, get out of a rut, be radical, and be creative.MICHAEL
I think I have the answer.MICHAEL
Eddie produces a small plastic bag containing a white powder from his top pocket and shakes it in front of Michael.MICHAEL
What's it look like?MICHAEL
Where did you get it?EDDIE
Let's just say it was payment for services rendered.MICHAEL
What?... Look, that's not really what I had in mind.EDDIE
Eddie has a snort.
No, this is just to get us in the mood, put a different angle on things.MICHAEL
I don't know...EDDIE
What you need to do is break all the rules.MICHAEL
Go on, I'm listening.EDDIE
We'll go and commit a crime.
Eddie uses a credit card to remove a little of the white powder and snorts it. He presses his palm into his forehead, he looks as though he is pain. Eddie then removes a little more and passes it to Michael, who nervously declines. Eddie shrugs his shoulders and tips it into Michael's still half full wine glass, when he isn't looking.MICHAEL
So it's we now.EDDIE
Yeah what the hell, it'll be fun. Anyway you'll need someone who knows what he's doing. Let's go to a house and break in. We'll rip the joint off.MICHAEL
Sounds like you have done this before.EDDIE
Shit yeah, all the time, makes me feel alive.MICHAEL
But what if we get caught?EDDIE
We won't get caught, trust me, when you wear a suit you can get away with anything. It makes you invisible.MICHAEL
You really are a psychopath aren't you?EDDIE
Prefer to think of myself as a radical. Come on drink up, want not waste not.
Eddie skulls the rest of his beer.
So what do you reckon then ah?MICHAEL
He skulls the rest of his wine, oblivious it has been spiked. Stands up and throws some money on the table.
I don't knowEDDIE
Come on, what have you got to lose?
Waiter clears the rest of the table.
Lights fade to black.
Sounds of wood breaking. Eddie enters the stage carrying a small crow bar; he appears to be alone.EDDIE
Eddie walks to the centre of stage, soaking up the ambiance.
There's nothing quite like this feeling, the adrenaline pumping through your veins heightening your senses, the smell of some one's home. This is some one's sanctuary and we are invading it. What a rush eh?MICHAEL
Michael enters behind Eddie, he looks wired and pre-occupied, he is loosening his tie and undoing the top two shirt buttons. He looks clammy and sweaty, Eddie starts pacing back and forth across the stage.
Burning up. (Fingers his collar). It it's like my mind is going faster than my...racing, so fast I... It's almost like I'm awakening for the first, something happened at lunch, going through a transition, have you heard of Saturn Return, can't put my finger on it, I feel like I'm on the brink of something big, crossroads, if only I knew what it was I was...EDDIE Ignoring Michael Eddie holds his ground
I think the most exciting thing is the prospect of getting caught, this is really pushing the envelope, shit like this really makes you feel alive don't it. Almost as good as closing a sale, but still quite different, unique.MICHAEL
There has to be a greater meaning to life, its like it's been welling up inside of me for years it's...
Michael becomes preoccupied and frustrated by his tie and yanks it off.
Some great memories for me doing this, it has I certain history for me.MICHAEL Michael sees a TV guide on the couch. He grabs it and starts flicking through it.
Wow cable TV, I love cable, you got cable Eddie, we have, it's fantastic, entertaining and educational like...EDDIE
When I was a young bloke, just starting out, I'd often take a girl to a nice house, leave her in the car while I kicked in a door or a window, then I'd bring her inside and tell her that it was my pad. It would impress the pants off them, literally.MICHAEL
Michael sits down excitedly.
The comedy channel, music, and the documentaries love the documentaries.EDDIE
I remember one time I was with this chick...MICHAEL
I remember this one about some guy...EDDIE
Picked her up in some nightclub...MICHAEL
He was a, oh something, anyway he was there in the mountains...EDDIE
Told her a heap of bullshit.MICHAEL
The Himalayas, Eddie, it looked so beautiful...EDDIE
Anyway I took her to some really flash house, nice suburb.MICHAEL
Nothing but him, his back pack and his camera...EDDIE
We fucked like bunnies.MICHAEL
Solo, alone, commentating, like a journal, he was just hiking...EDDIE
I fucked her in the hallway, on the dining table...MICHAEL
No, no he was on a motorbike, cruising through the mountains...EDDIE
In the Jacuzzi...MICHAEL
No it was cycling on a pushbike, yes, I remember now; he was definitely cycling through the mountains...EDDIE
Then after we did it in the master bedroom, two more times, (grabs his crouch) I popped down stairs, to grab some nibbles, (Eddie rubs his stomach in pain) and see if I couldn't find a nice bottle of wine, those houses always had a good wine cellar...MICHAEL Michael stands and starting pacing around the room.
I think he was cycling all through Asia, yes that was it, with a different place each week.EDDIE
Eddie grimaces; he looks unwell, rubbing his stomach, starts walking around, trying to walk it off.
Anyway on the way back upstairs I hear the owners open the front door.MICHAEL
I think it took him a couple of years.EDDIE
I just about shat myself, dropped the wine and the food, and ran out the back door, over the back fence, completely fucking starkers.MICHAEL
A real journey into the soul.EDDIE
The poor bitch I'd been screwing was still lying in bed.MICHAEL
Maybe that's what it was called.EDDIE
Imagine the surprise on the owner's faces when they saw her there.MICHAEL
That's what I'm searching for. A pilgrimage.EDDIE
Eddie is still rubbing his stomach, the pain is increasing and he is almost hunched over.
Geese that last prawn at lunch didn't go down to well, I feel really bloated, I going to find the shitter, just stay here a minute, make you self at home, enjoy yourself.
Eddie exits stage.
Standing still Michael has his back to where Eddie was.
My whole life I've never spoken my mind, always towed the line, team player. TEAM; together, everyone, achieves, more, that's what was drummed into me at those sales motivational weekends. No I in team, but there is in individual, well maybe its time to break convention, hold a mirror up to my self, see the real... actually there's two, no three I's in individual, wow, that's amazing, maybe one for id, ego and superego? I am scared if I don't address my inner voice that it may manifest itself in a ... (turns around and realizes he is alone)... Eddie?
Michael says to himself.
This is important, I should take notes.
Michael produces an organizer from his coat pocket and starts furiously tapping into it.
Mad Dog enters, he is wearing a badly fitting suit and is eating a sandwich, he has a VCR under one arm, he frozen with shock when he sees Michael. Michael talks to himself.MICHEAL
Still looking down at his organizer.
Id, ego, super ego. Pilgrimage, mountains, religion. Together everyone achieves more. assets, repress, thought. Advocate, righteous, theology. Adversity, reveals, truth.
Adversity, reveals, truth
Mad Dog is staring at Michael as he slowly backs away, morbidly fascinated. He drops the VCR. It bangs loudly on the floor.MICHAEL
Ah Eddie, I think I'm on to some...
Michael turns to see Mad Dog. They both stare at each other.
Oh, I, I, um...MAD DOG
I was um...MICHAEL / MAD DOG
Both speak at the same time.
(Michael) We are hear to do the appraisal on the house, if now is not a good time
(Mad Dog) I'm doing a free evaluation, are you the owner, I didn't mean to disturb...MICHAEL / MAD DOG
Free evaluations in the area so...
Michael looks confused.
(Interrupts). Yes, yes that's it the complimentary assessment of your property, look we'll get out of your way...MAD DOG
No really I have finished; I'll go nowMICHAEL
You've finished!MAD DOG
Yes the um, property evaluation.MICHAEL
So you are a real estate agent.MAD DOG
Um, yeah I guess, so who are you?MICHAEL
I am a real estate agent too; sorry I didn't catch your name?MAD DOG
So you are a real estate agent as well, how about that then, so which firm, I mean are you from?MICHAEL
Oh I'm from.... From the other side of town.
So, um, what was your evaluation? What did you think?MAD DOG
Me, oh I um, think it was, good, I guess, yeah.
Another awkward pause.MICHAEL
So how much, the high 300'sMAD DOG
Ah? ... yeah, no, Oh maybe, the low 400's.MICHAEL
Awkward silence.MAD DOG
Yeah um the kitchen is, err, good, and the bathroom is, um, clean and, and these walls are really solid.
Mad Dog walks over to the wall and start tapping them. Eddie enters from stage left doing up his trousers, still with the crowbar under his arm, freezes stunned at seeing Mad Dog who has his back turned to Eddie. So does Michael.
Eddie walks up behind Mad Dog and Michael, he looks pissed off. Michael is unaware that Eddie is behind him.
Have you ever considered getting out of the business, I have, maybe it's time to move on. My colleague, Eddie thinks I need more excitement. Do drugs, he does drugs, I never knew that, he did them right in the restaurant at lunch today, he reckons breaking the law and such behavior will lead to enlightenment. I don't think it's the answer though. I think it lies in the struggle of life itself, being creative, bucking against the system, ... adversity, reveals truth. To subvert the dominant paradigm to...
I hear ya man, self expression, why just the other day I...
Mad Dog turns around and sees Eddie at the doorway.
(To Eddie) I... I... I didn't see you there.
Michael walks up to Eddie
(To Eddie) Ah Eddy I was just saying how you...
Eddie looks pissed off at Michael's loose lips.
I heard what the fuck you said. Don't you think you've said enough now Michael?
(To Mad Dog) Don't I know you from somewhere?
Michael looks excited, he has forgotten the potential danger of his situation.
He's a real estate agent like us.
Yeah right and I'm Mother fucking Teresa,
(To Mad Dog) I can't quite place you; your face looks familiar...
Looks uncomfortable as he addresses Eddie.
Um, maybe we met at a, um, convention or....
It's uncanny Eddy but we were talking about, well I was, Look I think I have worked it out, it's something to do with...(checks his organizer again, and starts to walk to stage right)
Look I really should be leaving.
Mad Dog starts to leave, when Eddie blocks his path with the crowbar.
What's the hurry mate, stay awhile, lets chew the fat, compare notes, you know, like what's your biggest contract to date, huh
Michael is reading out loud from his organizer.
Adversity reveals truth, I'm so close, I just know it, Eddie, it does have something to do with suffering, and being creative, it's it's...
I, I've got a really important client to see, really I'm running late.
Eddie forces Mad Dog to sit down.
Gee you really are sweating there buddy, what's up you don't look so good, maybe you should sit down and rest up?
No really I must...
Hey flash suit, where did ya get it? Out of a fucking Salvo's bin?
Look, I don't want any trouble?
Well you should have thought of that before you broke into this house, shouldn't you?
A, R, T.
I didn't honestly I...
Don't bullshit me you little maggot, I can see right through you.
(To himself) It's all about art.
Please, just let me go I promise I'll...
(To himself) It's all about art.
Let you go, well, I'm not sure I can do that ‘cos you know too...
Michael turns to Eddie.
Eddie, it's all about art,
Michael grabs Eddie, who looks confused.
IT IS ALL ABOUT ART,
DON'T YOU SEE?
Michael turns to Mad Dog and grabs him by the ears and kisses him on the forehead. Mad Dog looks shocked.
Thank you so much, you have been a wonderful help.
Michael takes a step back and addresses both Eddie and Mad Dog
I have got to go now. I understand. My Grandmother always said; Yesterday's history. Tomorrows a mystery. And today is a gift and that's why it's called the present.
Michael runs off stage, Eddie raises his crow bar, Mad Dog screams.
Lights fade to black.