Lord Voldemort, Lord Loss, Count Dracula and Erik the Opera Ghost were sitting around the poker table playing poker. So far, Lord Loss was on a winning streak, and Erik was failing badly. His excuse was that he wasn't really good at poker, which was true.
Count Dracula sighed as he finished off his third glass of blood, a dreary, sad expression on his face. He puffed at his cigar for a moment, before placing a bet. Lord Loss eagerly put down his own bet, the snakes in his chest writhing frantically. Red blood oozed out of the tiny cracks in his skin, which dripped down into the salsa mix, which Lord Voldemort was about to dip his dorito into.
“Hey, Lord Loss, watch where your blood goes!” angrily said Voldemort, as he ate his plain dorito with no salsa. Erik frantically tugged at his meagre hair as Lord Loss won again.
“No can do, Voldy.” insisted Lord Loss as he took his winnings, “Winners don't watch where they're going. Only losers do that.” he raised an eyebrow pointedly at Erik, who was tugging at his white mask. Erik felt his gaze, and gave him the finger before getting up and walking out of the room via the mirror.
Count Dracula sighed again, and refilled his glass.
Lord Loss looked at Lord Voldemort. Lord Voldemort looked at Lord Loss. They both grinned at each other. “You know what I'm thinking?” asked Voldemort.
Lord Loss nodded. “Uh huh. I'll phone him up now.”
Voldemort passed Lord Loss the phone, then wrote a letter to his favourite enemy.
To Harry Potter,
It is your favourite enemy, Lord Voldemort. Would you like to come to my little poker party with my friends? Don't worry, I'm sure we'll have lots of fun.
Lord Voldemort looked up at Lord Loss, and listened as he said, “Look, Grubbsy, please don't tell Artery that I like female humans. He'll just tell the other demons, and then Beranabus will find out and beat me.”
I will expect you here in ten minutes. No earlier, no later. Got it?
Voldemort was about to sign when he heard Lord Loss say, “Oh yeah, I like strawberries. Why do you ask? O-OK. Yeah, I like chocolate sauce. Yeah, I like having se- OH MY GOD! NO WAY AM I DOING IT WITH UGLY NADIA! SHE SMELLS LIKE COW FARTS! Okay, see ya soon!”
Lord Voldemort rolled his eyes at Dracula, who was pouring himself another drink.
P.S. Wear sexy clothes, if you can.