1. Why do we feel safe under blankets? Its not like a murderer is going to come in thinking "I'm going to ki- oh crap he's under the blanket.
2. Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
3. 95% percent of people say "Oh shoot!" before driving into a ditch. The other 5% are rednecks they say "Hold my beer and watch this shoot!"
5. When people talk behind your back, remember that they took the time out of there pathetic lives to think about you.
6. When I get old I'm not going to sit around knitting, I'm going to be clicking my life alert button to see how many hot firefighters I can get to show up.
7. When I'm quiet people who don't no me think im shy. People who do know me are thinking "OMG! She's thinking! Everybody run!!
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