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A Book About Writing a Book

Novel By: Nathan Fell
Humor



Me trying to be meta and all View table of contents...


Chapters:

1

Submitted:Sep 26, 2012    Reads: 7    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


Prologue



"I don't see why people find writing so hard," Daniel mumbled to himself, coffee in hand. "There are no rules at all, you can do whatever you wish, say whatever comes to mind"

"That's the problem people have. People lie Daniel, they lie to themselves and then hate their very essence because of it. Ever noticed how most good writers are drunks? The only truly honest people in this world are drunks and children. You know this, I can see you know this better than most."

Daniel forced his eyes up to stare at the man standing in front of him. Cigarette in hand, hair slicked back, wearing a three piece suit, top hat and carrying a cane. He looked very 1800's, despite it being 2012.

"Sebastian, just because you came into my house, un-announced might i add, and found me SLEEPING next to a few bottles of gin doesn't mean i'm an alcoholic."

"Of course not! Most people would think you just had a rough night, and had it not been the eleventh time this month I have found you like this, I would have thought that too …." Sebastian said in his slight british accent, picking up the empty bottles and straightening the furniture. "By the way, it's the 13th if you were wondering. A friday actually. A sign perhaps, seeing as how you are in the worst state i've seen you in for over a year and you have that meeting with the CEO of -"

"I thank you for getting me this interview, but as I told when you arranged it, I have a book deal, I just need to hand in eighty pages and I get my first -"

"- YES! You have a book deal! But a book deal with no book is useless, is it not? And interrupting is very rude, you may want to work on that before you meet with Mr. Johns …. Be sure to call him MR. Johns, it wouldn't hurt to call him sir if you can be rid of your damn pride for a few minutes." Frustrated, Sebastian drags Daniel into his room and begins throwing shirts and jackets at the terribly hung-over, near pseudo "writer"

"NO! I am my own man and i need to finish these eighty pages and you can't stop me!!!!! My masterpiece awaits me!!!" Daniel yells as he gives a bow full of unnecessary flourishes and darts out of the room into his "cave", as he calls it, dead-bolting the door when it closes.

Sebastian has been through this many times before, so he knows how to handle it. He pours himself some coffee, lights a cigarette and slumps down into the largest arm-chair in the room all while massaging his temple. "This boy, he gives me such a head-ache. DANIEL! Get out here and let me freshen you up for this afternoon!!!"

"NEVER!!! I'm not leaving until i finish these first eighty pages!!!"

"And which page are you on you twit?!"

"That is irrelevant, all that matters is i'm not leaving until i'm done! I'll starve before that door opens!"

"DAMNIT DANIEL!!! What page are you on?!?!"

"…… I'm on page three ---"

"PAGE THREE!!! And you think you'll finish another seventy-seven before you starve?! You're daft boy!! What makes you think you could possibly finish one page before you starve? You've been working on your "masterpiece" for the last month and you've got three damn pages?! THREE!!! God damn it! I coming in Daniel, stand back from the door!" Sebastian straightens up, stretches the muscle he gained from spending countless hours in the gym in his youth, aiming for the perfect physique and one powerful kick to the door later …. it FLINGS open, throwing Sebastian flat on his face.

Standing there, staring, mocking the now bruised englishman is Daniel. Trying so desperately not to laugh, he says, "Didn't hear me unlock the door did you? With all your yelling and well reasoned arguments! I WIN!! Now get up off the floor and get me ready!"

"Ooohhhh, my head …. I swear, if i wasn't in pain right now i'd flatten you you little brat!

"Oh stop your whinging and get up!"

Twenty minutes of excruciating verbal stillness later Daniel is standing in front of a full length mirror, admiring the different person staring back at him.

"I still don't understand how you do this Sebastian, it's beyond comprehension. How can you take that hung-over, dressing-gown clad moron laying on his floor and turn him into suave and very attractive young man in the mirror? And all with a concussion!!!"

"I use the same higher power that grants you your unparalleled sense of modesty, Master Daniel." Sebastian retorts as he adds the finishing touches to Daniels outfit. "There we go! That scarf and blazer completes MY masterpiece! Now that is how you finish something, you might learn a few things from observing me a little more."

"Smart arse …. ONWARD MARCH!! To the stuck up old geezer sitting in his high backed chair, smoking cigars and sipping scotch in the middle of the day ….. That's what CEO's do right?" Asks Daniel, only semi-sarcastically

"Oh dear, this will NOT end well at all. Not at all. Oh god, my headache is about to turn into a freaking brain tumour, can they even do that?!" Mumbled Sebastian, pushing the still reluctant Daniel out of the grossly over-sized oak doors into the world beyond.





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