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Things I Learned from My Weird, Creepy Uncle

Novel By: piratamaschioladro

This is a non-fiction novel (well, a very exaggerated non-fiction novel with a few scenes here and there that never actually happened) based on the life of a mentally ill yet oddly endearing individual who I know well.

Jason Jason is a seven-year-old boy with electric blue eyes and shaggy black hair. Having been sheltered by his trolling, obnoxious parents for all of his short life, he decides to set out on adventure. A curious child, he discovers that he has an uncle whom his family never told him existed. Without a word to his parents, he goes on a quest to reunite with this uncle.

However, when he does stumble upon said relative... he soon realizes that his weird, creepy uncle is not quite what he expected. While he initially does not know how to react to the unwelcome surprise, he soon finds that his uncle is a very lost soul who could really use the the boy's help. Jason's original objective quickly shifts from starting an exciting adventure to rescuing his unusual yet lovable new friend. View table of contents...


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Submitted:Jun 21, 2014    Reads: 5    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   

"So, my dearest Jason," Trakina addressed Jason as she exited the convenience store carrying an overflowing pile of trail mix, chocolate, and a squished cat, "Mustafa Mangina gave me a call this morning."

Jason, who had grown to embrace Chip as his confidant and completely forgot that the cat did not actually belong to Trakina, felt like he was on an airplane steadily descending into a dreary flat stretch of land like a hick town in Kansas…bummed, "Chip has to go home too, doesn't he?"

"No, actually," Trakina tweeted, "Mustafa is apparently staying in Turkey for a few months longer and he asked if I wanted to keep Chip for myself!"

"M'yao!" Chip's proclamation translated to a thrilled "Yahoo-yippity."

"Really?! So I get to see him on all of my visits?"

Trakina bent down and handed the soft and relaxed cat to Jason, "No, I think you should bring him home and keep him as your own. Considering you lost your friend Marshall and you're going to need some way to cope with my sister and brother-in-law, you need him more than I do."

Supporting the fetal-positioned Chip inside his elbows, Jason generously responded, "I think you should have him, Trakina. I'm worried you'll return to your old ways if you don't have someone to keep an eye on you."

"No, Jason. I'm done with that. Considering I've lived to tell the tale of the shit show that was Volker Von Meat Puppet's entrancing recital… I've learned to appreciate life a little more. I'm a survivor, Jason. What I'm feeling right now, I haven't felt in years."

"How are you feeling, Trakina?"


Jason sighed smilingly, "I'm glad." Chip Chodesworth jumped to the ground and followed behind his dearly loved humans, watching the two amble onward hand-in-hand.

After silently mirroring Jason's smile for some time, Trakina did chirrup, "And besides; Peter Frampton and I have already come to an agreement that we are going to turn my home into an ill and abandoned kitten shelter shortly after we elope. We will already have a sufficient supply of cats to keep me line."


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