Chronicles of the Inimitable Mr Abrahams
"Now look what you have gone and done! Me fender is totally ruined. If I was twenty years younger…"
Marcus stared at the old sinewy man sitting in his truck. By the looks of the lines on the man's face he guessed he was about eighty years old. He felt his patience being stretched threateningly at the sight of the damage to his own car.
"Sir, you bumped into me. Look at the damage you caused to my car. Do you even have a license? You must be way over the age limit for drivers." He used his most calming voice, but inside he was seething. This was a brand new car, the operative word being was. He will have to buy a totally new vehicle and his budget was already way over its limit.
"Did you hear what I said? Call the ambulance! Me boner has been ruined by your recklessness. Martha is going to be so mad; she is waiting for me to get home."
"What did you just say? Your what is ruined?" and Marcus focused his attention on the old man. He really looked as if he was in pain. He started worrying the old geezer might be hurt.
"I said me boner. As you young ones like to call it cock, or dick, or penis. Yes, you injured me boner!" the old guy started screaming above the noise of the cars driving by.
Marcus stared at him in total disbelief. He thought he needed to get his hearing checked, because he sure as hell heard this old man said he injured his penis during the accident. How in hell did he manage that!
"Don't just stand there looking like the dog dragged your pussy away! Call the ambulance, me boner is dying! I need professional help I tell you," and the old guy gave another croaking cry as he shifted slightly in the car.
A police vehicle stopped alongside Marcus' Mercedes Benz. A young looking officer got out of the car and made his way towards Marcus.
"Looks like you guys need some help. Looks like a nasty bump to your car sir. Is anyone hurt?" he just finished the syllable when the driver of the truck answered.
"Yes officer. Me boner is zipped to me pants. Call the ambulance. This pecker has just been staring at the agony I had to go through. He did nothing to ease me pain I tell you, nothing at all."
Dumbstruck Marcus turned towards the officer. The flabbergasted look on his face almost made him burst out laughing. Somehow he felt better knowing he was not the only one who seemed dumbstruck by this old man's tale.
"They must come quickly me lad. I still have a date with Martha tonight. I tell you she won't be impressed if me boner is not in working order."
The officer walked over to the truck and looked inside. His face took on a pained expression. He turned his head towards his right shoulder and started talking into his two-way radio, "Sarah, I am at the site of the accident on highway 22. I think you had better call a paramedic. I have a patient with his… genitals zipped to his pants," he gave a painful gulp before saying his last five words.
"His genitals is zipped to his what?" a female voice screeched back on the radio.
"To his Pants! Just call the paramedic and tell them to be fast. He is in a lot of pain," and he turned towards Marcus who stood behind him now.
"How did the accident happen sir?"
"He bumped into me," Marcus said flatly.
"Don't lie me boy, you braked into me fender! I was just minding me business driving slowly on the road when I saw your brake lights. Too late I tried to stop me car and you bumped right into me."
Marcus just lifted his eyebrow slightly as he looked at the officer. The officer then turned to the other driver, "And how did your little… accident happen sir?" He pointed to the old man's lap.
"Why the shock of the accident made me pull up me zipper quickly and me boner got stuck."
The officer tried to digest this evidence quietly when he asked, "Why did you pull up your zipper?"
The old guy got a flustered look on his cheeks when he answered, "It was Martha's fault. She called and said I should pull down me zipper. Said I could scratch me crotch better with me zipper down. How was I to know this pecker would bump into me car? I was just following me lady's advice. You must have had a lady before who had the hots for your boner, me lad. Oh Martha is a lady like that. Me boner is the only thing she thinks about day and night," and he got a far off gleam in his eyes.
Marcus and the officer just stared open mouthed at him. An ambulance pulled up alongside them with screaming sirens.