Wot! No Toothpaste?

WOT! NO TOOTHPASTE?

I'M AN ARTIST BY THE NAME OF BEN,

WHOSE DAD WOULD VISIT NOW AND THEN;

BUT LEAVING HOME, AND IN A HASTE,

MY DAD FORGOT HIS TOOTHPASTE.

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BUT LATE THAT NIGHT WE HAD SUCH FUN,

AND CHUFFED TO BITS TO SEE HIS SON,

HE SWALLOWED QUITE A LOT OF BEER,

TO HELP PROMOTE A REAL GOOD CHEER.

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NEXT DAY DAD WOKE AT 8 O'CLOCK,

WITH A MOUTH JUST LIKE A SWEATY SOCK.

HE CRAWLED TO THE BATHROOM, PAINFULLY SLOW,

TO SCRUB HIS TEETH AS WHITE AS SNOW.

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HE LOOKED SO HARD BUT COULDN'T FIND

THE DENTAL GEL HE'D LEFT BEHIND,

THEN CALLED OUT TO HIS LAIDBACK SON...

" HEY! BEN, COME ON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE,

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WITH THE TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE EH? PLEASE BEN,

I NEED TO CLEAN MY TEETH AGAIN!"

"I'M SORRY DAD, I DON'T HAVE ANY...

I'M A STUDENT NOW WITHOUT A PENNY!"

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OH DEAR! HOW SAD, BUT NEVER MIND!

STOP THERE (HE THOUGHT), DON'T BE UNKIND.

"I'LL JUST POP OUT AND BUY A BOX,

AND WHILE I'M THERE, D'YOU NEED SOME SOCKS?

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PERHAPS SOME SOAP AND AFTERSHAVES?

AND HOW ABOUT SOME UNPAID SLAVES?

I'LL JUST GO OUT AND HAVE A LOOK...

(CHECKS WALLET, CARDS AND NEW CHEQUE BOOK.)

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IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE YOU WANT MY LOVE?

WITH CHRISTMAS NEAR, A TURTLE DOVE?

I KNOW THIS MIGHT SOUND QUITE ABSURD,

BUT HOW ABOUT A CALLING BIRD?"

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"NO THANKS DAD, I'M FINE FOR THOSE,

BUT MAYBE SOME DESIGNER CLOTHES?"

"OK, I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO,

BUT TOOTHPASTE FIRST, OK WITH YOU?"

-,

"OK THEN DAD, YOU'RE VERY KIND,

I'LL JUST LAY HERE, RELAX, UNWIND."

"OK THEN SON, YOU SEEM DONE IN.

BEING AN ARTIST MAKES YOU THIN!"

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DAD GOES OUT, BUYS THINGS, COMES BACK.

CLEANS TEETH, DRINKS TEA AND STARTS TO PACK.

THEN I GET UP AND MAKE THE BED,

AND SADLY SAY I'M IN THE RED.

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NO FOOD OR PAINTS, JUST RENT ARREARS.

NO SHOES, NO JEANS AND THROUGH THE TEARS,

I ASK MY DAD TO HELP MY PLIGHT.

"TWO HUNDRED QUID SHOULD SEE ME RIGHT!"

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DAD'S TOES CURL UP, HE BITES HIS HAND,

TRYING HARD TO UNDERSTAND,

BUT TURNS TO ME, HIS FACE NO JOKE,

AND SAYS "TOUGH SHIT SON, I'M BLOODY BROKE!"