Save on all your Printing Needs at 4inkjets.com!

Wot! No Toothpaste?

By: ben hardstaff

Page 1, THIS IS A POEM WRITTEN NEARLY 20 YEARS AGO, WHY I HAVEN\'T POSTED IT \'TIL KNOW GOD ONLY KNOWS. IT\'S ABOUT WHEN I WAS AN ART STUDENT AND MY DAD CAME TO STAY WITH ME IN BIRMINGHAM FOR THE NIGHT AND FORGOT TO BRING HIS TOOTPASTE...

WOT! NO TOOTHPASTE?

I'M AN ARTIST BY THE NAME OF BEN,

WHOSE DAD WOULD VISIT NOW AND THEN;

BUT LEAVING HOME, AND IN A HASTE,

MY DAD FORGOT HIS TOOTHPASTE.

-

BUT LATE THAT NIGHT WE HAD SUCH FUN,

AND CHUFFED TO BITS TO SEE HIS SON,

HE SWALLOWED QUITE A LOT OF BEER,

TO HELP PROMOTE A REAL GOOD CHEER.

-

NEXT DAY DAD WOKE AT 8 O'CLOCK,

WITH A MOUTH JUST LIKE A SWEATY SOCK.

HE CRAWLED TO THE BATHROOM, PAINFULLY SLOW,

TO SCRUB HIS TEETH AS WHITE AS SNOW.

-

HE LOOKED SO HARD BUT COULDN'T FIND

THE DENTAL GEL HE'D LEFT BEHIND,

THEN CALLED OUT TO HIS LAIDBACK SON...

" HEY! BEN, COME ON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE,

-

WITH THE TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE EH? PLEASE BEN,

I NEED TO CLEAN MY TEETH AGAIN!"

"I'M SORRY DAD, I DON'T HAVE ANY...

I'M A STUDENT NOW WITHOUT A PENNY!"

-

OH DEAR! HOW SAD, BUT NEVER MIND!

STOP THERE (HE THOUGHT), DON'T BE UNKIND.

"I'LL JUST POP OUT AND BUY A BOX,

AND WHILE I'M THERE, D'YOU NEED SOME SOCKS?

-

PERHAPS SOME SOAP AND AFTERSHAVES?

AND HOW ABOUT SOME UNPAID SLAVES?

I'LL JUST GO OUT AND HAVE A LOOK...

(CHECKS WALLET, CARDS AND NEW CHEQUE BOOK.)

-

IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE YOU WANT MY LOVE?

WITH CHRISTMAS NEAR, A TURTLE DOVE?

I KNOW THIS MIGHT SOUND QUITE ABSURD,

BUT HOW ABOUT A CALLING BIRD?"

-

"NO THANKS DAD, I'M FINE FOR THOSE,

BUT MAYBE SOME DESIGNER CLOTHES?"

"OK, I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO,

BUT TOOTHPASTE FIRST, OK WITH YOU?"

-,

"OK THEN DAD, YOU'RE VERY KIND,

I'LL JUST LAY HERE, RELAX, UNWIND."

"OK THEN SON, YOU SEEM DONE IN.

BEING AN ARTIST MAKES YOU THIN!"

-

DAD GOES OUT, BUYS THINGS, COMES BACK.

CLEANS TEETH, DRINKS TEA AND STARTS TO PACK.

THEN I GET UP AND MAKE THE BED,

AND SADLY SAY I'M IN THE RED.

-

NO FOOD OR PAINTS, JUST RENT ARREARS.

NO SHOES, NO JEANS AND THROUGH THE TEARS,

I ASK MY DAD TO HELP MY PLIGHT.

"TWO HUNDRED QUID SHOULD SEE ME RIGHT!"

-

DAD'S TOES CURL UP, HE BITES HIS HAND,

TRYING HARD TO UNDERSTAND,

BUT TURNS TO ME, HIS FACE NO JOKE,

AND SAYS "TOUGH SHIT SON, I'M BLOODY BROKE!"

© Copyright 2014ben hardstaff All rights reserved. ben hardstaff has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on Booksie.com.

© 2014 Booksie | All rights reserved.