My Famous Last Words

My Famous Last Words

I had a friend named Nick

Whose last missive was short and quick

He wrote in the sand with his stick

I told you I was sick

Some leave with very choice words

Others curse aloud at the Kurds

While dying we all are nerds

To the same place we go, worm turds

To leave this earth with a bang

To ring someone’s bell with a clang

Lurch approached the door, “You rang?”

“I’m dyin’ out here”, Fester sang

We all die, from servant to king

The last parting words we all want to sing

Here you go my wife, take my ring

Because tomorrow your pee will sting

Spite and anger are often behind

These last bitter thoughts that unwind

We care not if we hate or are kind

Either way you can kiss my behind

We may live a life of fun

We may even be a chosen one

But as we lob these last words toward the sun

Between the eyes we aim to stun

A final punch in my very last fight

Before I say goodbye to the night

I strive with all my might

To make your sphincter flex and clench tight

The goal is to shock and to awe

My words cut the carotid like a saw

As I fall into the gaping maw

One last blow to the face with my paw

So fear the next one to die

And fear how they will say goodbye

For if they choose to do more than sigh

Prepare to sit down and cry

How do I end this wordy impasse?

As I leave my lovely lass

She stands nearby with her new beau

How do I tell her she hurts me so?

So I grasp the hand of my lass

And decide on my words at last

Dear darling my heart breaks like glass

Turn me over and kiss my dying ass