I suffer from insomnia
I fear there is no cure.
'Hey, Doctor, it ain't easy man,'
I beg him, 'please release me,' and
he shows me to the door.
'Go home and bake a cake,' he says
'or chew a rhino steak,' he says
'try hard to stay awake,' he says
'this works for rich and poor.
Don't waste time counting goats,' he says
don't fill your ears with oats,' he says
'just launch this trick, you'll find it floats
Or I'm Sir Roger Moore:
Instead of sweating in your bed
with problems buzzing round your head
imagine something dull instead
this promise I will keep:
start cataloging boring facts
in your mind make an almanac
quite soon you'll find you've learned the knack
of dropping off to sleep.'
And so I took his sound advice
I tried it once, I tried it twice
I tried it until dawn tapped on my door
And lo, when it was time to rise
I couldn't open up my eyes
and very soon my head began to snore!
My boss at work was very kind
he said he really didn't mind
my being late for ten consecutive days
He said, 'your sleep is more important,'
very kindly sent me on my way.
So now I have no job to keep
and now I have all day to sleep
and soon a cardboard box willshape my bed
Insomnia, a memory dim
like food, and membership of gym
It looks like I will sleep well 'til I'm dead.