Rid me of this Troublesome Beast

Rid me of this Troublesome Beast

King Canute was very astute

but his wife was much astuter

She would startle and hound him

run rings around him

and punch him whenever it suit her

Her anger could never be soothed

there was nothing of which she approved

Though he wasn’t a brute

He was tempted to shoot her

or quietly have her removed

But murder was not in his veins

for he hated to cause any pain

So his feelings he hid

but he planned to get rid

of this troublesome bane of his reign

He was under the thumb of his wife

and her thumb was as sharp as a knife

He could wait ‘til her death

‘til her last rancid breath

but he feared she’d outlive his own life

All options he weighed in his head

he schemed ‘til his nose and ears bled

Since she looked like a horse

there were grounds for divorce

but divorce made him feel so ill-bred

He considered some poisonous stew

but his options for potions were few

He could banish her hence

or surround her with fence

or arrange her return to the Zoo

Soon the king by the seashore he stood

thinking thoughts about murder and blood

Her complaints never ceased

he would never find peace

So he threw himself into the flood

Now his motives weren’t hard to discern:

‘Twas for freedom and peace his heart yearned

But his plans were undid

by a truculent squid

And a tide that decided to turn

Every word of this story is true

And the moral for me and for you:

If your spouse is a louse

or you don’t like your house

You must live by the choices you choose