"EXCUSE ME, CAN I STRIP YOUR WILLOW"
Had a reel good time when I went to the ceilidh
There were fiddles and drums and an improbable ukulele
I searched for a partner and found an Israeli
Fortunately for my poem, her name was Haley.
I drank so much water as I danced so gaily
The skin on my body was beginning to turn scaly
The dance police were shocked-sent me to the Old Bailey
My moves were so crap-looked like a capercaille.
It's very hard to find many rhymes for ceilidh
I therefore must improvise for this finale
To get another partner I used tact like Disraeli
"Dance with you?" she said "I'd prefer Arfur Daley".
Take your partner by the hand
Throw them around until they land
Jiggle and joggle and go through arches
Strip the Willow and skip the marches.
My partner was beautiful I thought I might gain a kiss
Instead I got an elbow in the epiglottis
I looked for my partner-where the hell was she?
We were due for a swing and there was only one of me.
I looked down the line and could see her wiggling
No wonder she was behind she just stood there giggling
Stuck on someone's arm and way behind the dance
She was laughing so much I nearly pissed my pants.