I wouldn’t like to say, ‘my not my agent is a crook’,
And he was canny enough to publish his own book,
But I would’ve been an idiot to let him get his hook,
Into my money and leave me in the shtuck;
I thought I was being clever when I gave his ego stroke,
And so I asked him to draw me an original joke,
However he proved to be an amateur bloke,
The picture was crap; one hundred quid up in smoke.
I was too embarrassed to say, ‘your drawing is shit’
Besides I was hoping he might like me just a bit;
I didn’t get the option to say, ‘I don’t want it’,
So I simply decided I had to take a hit,
And I wouldn’t say my not my agent was just a little mean,
When he made me pay for lunch, although times for me were lean,
But the truth is I couldn’t bring myself to cause a scene;
Surely he wasn’t exploiting a writer who was green?
He promised he would turn me into a brand,
In the UK and other foreign land,
And I’m sure he only wanted me to understand,
When he told me to get published, it would cost me twenty grand!