D's SCHOOL REPORT

And as I do your school report

I’m pleased that you excel at sport

Other subjects room for improvement

To become a more rounded student

Athletics I give you A

For regular first-class display

And you have magical way

Of giving spectator a field day

For English I give you B

Excellent at fantasy

Spelling and grammar - sloppy

Falls short of university

Maths I give you a meagre C

Numbers don’t add up to me

And although you disagree

It’s my view that counts actually

History a deserved D

For lack of transparency

Little presented factually

And argued inappropriately

Geography only E

Although your maps show competency

You clearly have ability

But do get lost occasionally

For French I award an F

For beautiful fresh smelling breath

But your accent is bereft

I suspect you might be deaf

In conclusion I believe

I have plenty up my sleeve

To assist you to achieve

If you refuse absence without leave