FIRST INTERNET DATE

I was fashionably late

For this poorly judged date

Didn’t care – he could wait

Forecast did not look great!

35 with mind like sewer

He said preferred ‘mature’

Code perhaps for ‘likes a doer?’

Maybe I’d be his cure!

Went to same school as my son,

Said thought I knew his mum,

And just for added fun,

Lied I’d once shared home run.

It was noisy in the bar

He suggested move to car

I said, ‘ha, ha, ha,

You really will not get far’.

Claimed to want ‘relationship’

Merely needed to get a grip

So I gave him a little tip

In form of ‘I’m not it’.

‘Think you want casual sex’

Not something I do best’

And, ‘Oedipus complex’,

He didn’t like what rightly guessed

Not known for my tact

I continued to be exact

I said, ‘you don’t attract’

And he didn’t like this fact!

‘But I fancy you’ he said

Compliment in balding head

I took as insult instead

And I’m not one to be misread

Said appreciated honesty

I replied, ‘good! Really?’

But preferred dishonesty

As in turn said, ‘no’, sincerely.

Poor guy looked bit bereft

Understood lack of interest

But if I’d been both blind and deaf

I still would have quickly left!