“Line-Drive Bad Mitten Set”
“Are you p**sed at someone who calls themselves a friend?
Do you like tennis? Well, we have a perfect way to send
that bastard crying back from which they came
Introducing the Line-Drive Bad Mitten Set. It’s a game
the whole family can enjoy. As long as they’re mad
at some bastard, it’s more than a passing fad
It’s a scientific fact that holding anger inside
will knaw at your gizzards, until you have died
Our game is a perfect way to calm yourself down,
and have a few laughs, just like a circus clown
Our new game is similar to tennis, but much more deadly
So, get in the game! Are you sure you’re ready?
No wimps allowed, and no pansy’s can play,
if you are strong as steel, play it today!
Invite your victim over to play the game
If they had a fricking clue, they’d see you’re not the same
gentle, serene, and fun-loving guy
Now, you have a look of revenge in your eye
Women can use it, too, but in our ad it’s a man
Like we were saying, invite to play, someone you can’t stand,
then say, “It’s my fricking game, so I’ll serve first!”
Then, with adrenaline and anger, you’re about to burst
Imagine their shocked surprise,
when you launch it right at their eyes,
as hard as you can, the birdie, tipp-
ed with razor-sharp steel that rips
into their flesh and they anoint you as the winner, ‘cause the don’t want the point to hurt them again.
That’s when you raise your fricking hands, over your head as the champion, while they’ll be also-rans!”