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"Lumberjack Larry's Party Saw"

By: Mike Stevens

Page 1, An advertisement in poetry form


“Men of the forest; are you tired of being left out?

Is the fact you’re working tork your little snout?

Can’t drink because that chainsaw takes both hands?

We are one company that understands

Introducing Lumberjack Larry’s Party Saw

We say, “So what if it’s against the law?”

We know that you, as a hard-working lumberjack,

cannot partake of that ice-cold half-rack

the clean-up crew bought and brought,

because, after all, is so fricking hot

You keep on cutting, but, oh, how you’re pissed

At a relaxing, ice-cold beverage, you’ve again missed

out.  What if we told you we’ve come up with a way

you can keep working and chug cold beer all day?

We’ve come up with a brand-new invention,

one that defies today’s weak-a** convention

You know, the one that says its very wrong

to operate machinery with a hardcore buzz on

These are probably the same girls who only drink tea

Real men know drinking spirits is the only way to be

That’s why we’ve included a hook-on tank

that’s refrigerated; like the beer at home you just drank

Simply fill it up with your favorite beverage,

and insert the 5ft. of rubber hose, for hands-free suckage. 

Beer, a mixed drink, water or pop

But you didn’t buy from us, if you see a cop!”


© Copyright 2015Mike Stevens All rights reserved. Mike Stevens has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on

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